'So You Think You Can Dance' recap by Donna Kauffman

We're back! It's the Top 16, and the show dives right into the group routine, so grab your fruity umbrella drink, pull up your judging armchair, and let's dive in with them!

I'm immediately happy for two reasons. First, as the lights come up, it's our top eight girls center stage. Finally. The second reason? The lovely Annie Lennox singing Take Me to the River. So it's already a Girl Power kind of night. (Don't even go there, sparkly ballerina judge. Who I hear is back with us tonight. AGAIN.) I know. I choose not to dwell. I will instead focus my joy on Annie and the girls. Join me, won't you? Things get even tastier when our top eight guys come slinking out and our girls are clinging to their legs and dragging them down, and it all gets a little writhe-y for the 8 p.m. ET hour, but hey, I write romance for a living. I'm a big fan of writhe-y. At any hour. Ahem.

I can't decide if this is my favorite group routine this season because we're down to a manageable number I can visually follow, or if it's that one-of-my-favorite-songs-ever soundtrack thing, or, you know, all that writhing about business. The dancing is more uniformly attractive this time, but not crazy good, so … yeah, I'm going with Annie Lennox and the slink. I'm curious to know who the choreographer was.

Our pairs are introduced and they are a bit more suave and smooth in their micro-second intros this week. You can see just from that how much a few weeks with the same partner is starting to settle in and work in their favor. I like it. Our new couple, Jessica and Marcquet , are pretty sparkly, so that's a good sign.

Our lovely host Cat arrives, telling us that was a Mandy Moore opening routine that started us off on such a sultry note. Everyone, let's give an armchair judge wave to Mandy for giving us such a nice buzz … because we all know what's about to happen next. Well, after we get introduced to the judges, but I am clinging to my Annie Lennox Happy Moment and refuse to go there. I'm about to go all completely juvenile, right down to the putting-fingers-in-my-ears la-la-la-la-la-la avoidance techniques, only then I hear Cat tell me some good news. Great news, even. Given the Bottom Six announcement is mere seconds away, happy news is a wonderful thing. What is it? Well, I'm almost to giddy to type this … but Cat assures us that this week ends our Sparkly Ballerina Judge Dance Clinic. Can I get a whoop whoop! Be still my humor-loving heart, perhaps we will finally get to bask in the delightful glow of Christina Applegate or the always charming and amusing wit of Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I'm looking forward to next week already.

But our 16 dancers aren't looking forward to the next 60 seconds. Cat pulls out the Envelope of Doom. Here we go …

Bottom Three Guys: Marcquet, Serge, Zack

Bottom Three Girls: Bridget, Brooklyn, Tanisha

So … our repeat offenders are Bridget, Brooklyn, and Serge. Which means Jessica survived her magic carpet ride, but this week Marcquet finally suffers a Bottom Three blow. I am not surprised by that. I love the guy, but he's had a rocky few weeks. I am surprised about Tanisha and Zack. I would venture to guess they will both be safe tonight. If I had to go out on a Who's Going Home Limb, and, well, of course I will … I'm going to guess Serge and Bridget will be leaving us tonight based on past Bottom Three visits. We'll have to look for clues in the judging!

OK, time to dance!

1. Valerie & Ricky: Bollywood. This season's first Bollywood routine is being choreo'd by Nakul Dev Mahajan, who has created some truly memorable routines for this show … and had a few misses as well. I hope for Valerie's sake, this one is a hit! (I never worry about Ricky. Kid is a chameleon.) Nakul is hoping for sexy from Valerie, but with these two being cute as kittens, I'm thinking we're going to get Girl Next Door Sexy at best. And? It's amazing and wonderful and all things Bollywood goodness. These two can do no wrong. The sparkle is on full twink and you can't help but twink right along with them. Fast, furious, delightful, playful … and I don't think either one of them missed a single hand gesture or toe flick. I'm sure Valerie's tap training probably helped her with the fancy footwork here, as did getting to go barefoot. Ricky was just a bundle of energetic goodness, but I especially loved that he modified his leaps and kicks so that the two of them matched, and made it all the more beautiful to watch. Valerie won the SYTYCD lottery getting Ricky for a partner, but I think Ricky is coming to have a lot to be thankful for, too. Her freckle-faced charm is a perfect match for his brand of elfin magic. Fabulous start to the night! Judges: Mary? Love. Nigel? More love. Misty? Critique. Oh, for clinic sake … just say something nice and let. It. GO. Can you imagine what it's like to hang out with her? I'm thinking being her BFF probably means feeling like you're having a bad hair year and even your skinny jeans make your butt look monstrous, all rolled into one, all day long. Every. Day. I'd give that a pass. As I must pass on judging comments the rest of the evening, other than Nigel's remarks about our Bottom Six. Your mileage may vary. Widely. As widely as she will be happy to tell you your butt looks in those jeans. Also? No overly enthusiastic facial expressions during lunch. She'll so call you out on that. And keep your shoulders down while you eat, will you? Long neck! Graceful hands! Cut that salad like it's the last salad you'll ever cut! But gracefully! See? I'm exhausted and we've only had one lunch together.

2. Bridget & Emilio: Contemporary. Bridget is our first Bottom Sixer to perform tonight, so she's lucky to have snagged a Travis Wall routine. She's in her happy place and I suspect Emilio will rise to the occasion just fine. He's a street dancer, but, as we've seen already this season, clearly he has broad skills. The routine is like a continual moving sculpture. It's beautiful and dark at the same time. Both dancers hit their lines perfectly and create pictures with their bodies that are striking, flowing smoothly and effortlessly from one to the next. I like the dark theme of Bridget being the past memories that Emilio is trying to escape. Both do a good job of storytelling as well. The moribund music in the intro didn't really pull us in as well as it could, as it was somewhat empty, but when the lyrics finally kicked in, giving it some depth, then the two worked together really well, and I connected even more to that part of the routine. I don't know that it moved me as much as it could have, and I'm not sure why. Their chemistry was fine and their performance very well done. And yet I don't know if it would have compelled me to vote. Hmmm … Judges: Nigel gives Bridget a fair amount of well-deserved praise, as does Mary, more or less saying she took what Travis gave her and really did everything she could with it. Will it be enough to save her? Brooklyn? You've got to bring it!

3. Tanisha & Rudy: Hip-hop. Ruh roh. This dance style helps Tanisha not at all. They get Dave Scott, so there's potential for greatness there, and I think Rudy's natural stage presence will carry him through this, but yikes. A tough style pull for them. I hope they prove me so wrong I'm embarrassed I even questioned them. I am surprised that given Rudy's star power with the fans that Tanisha didn't get the benefit of that glow. Not sure how she found herself in the bottom this week. They got the pimp spot last week and the routine was super, performed well … so I'm stumped. Here we go … and holy catsuit, Tanisha! Dang. Actually, it has to be more like daaaaaaaaang to really convey the true dang-ness of that peek-a-boo second skin she's wearing. Boyfriends and husbands everywhere are suddenly very happy they let their significant others coerce them into watching this show tonight. Rudy also looks a tad more rugged than usual, thanks to the gangster hat hiding his crazy Rudy hair. They are hitting all the moves, and Tanisha especially is really pouring her inner Catwoman into this. It's a slinky routine and they are clearly far more comfortable putting their oomph into that element and perhaps not as much in the getting-down-into-the-pocket grittiness that hip-hop typically demands. That aside, though, it's still working, and quite well. Given this is outside both of their zones, I thought they brought as much to this as they did to their Broadway last week. Good chemistry, great performance. Am curious to hear Nigel's remarks to Tanisha here. Judges: Shockingly, Misty is all happy, glowing comments. A landmark moment. Mark it down. Mary is all love. Nigel? Well, given Tanisha's outfit, she's already golden here. But he gives both of them high praise, which is well earned, and I think Tanisha can rest easily this week. So, Brooklyn is now flop-sweating all over backstage.

4. Jessica & Marcquet: Fox Trot. The week of happening choreographers continues with the mighty fine moves of Dmitry Chaplin. Sigh. Naturally he gives them a slinky kind of fox trot, which we know Jessica will nail, and I hope, finally, Marcquet will have his moment, given this is his wheelhouse. Please. I've been hoping this show would give this guy a break … and here is his shot. I'm liking the whole suave businessman in a sleek suit thing, and Jessica has the slink going … of course, coming on after Catwoman, it's a little too little, too late, but I can get past that. What surprises me is that Marcquet doesn't look more fluid here. I don't know if it's because he's having to adjust to Jessica not being a natural at ballroom, and focusing on making her look good — which she does — or what. It's not bad, but it's not as oooh and aaaah as I'd hoped it would be. It's their first week together, so there's that. The chemistry isn't there naturally, though they do their best to get there, though I do notice Jessica's mugging face more than usual. The dance gets better, more powerful, as it goes along, but it's not a powerhouse moment for either of them. Judges: Mary agrees with everything above and she clarifies that Marcquet is only trained in Latin ballroom, so this was actually a first for him, too. And that explains a LOT. She has nothing but praise for Jessica. Ruh roh, Marcquet. Nigel isn't thrilled in general. And I fast-forward.

5. Carly & Serge: Contemporary. The good news is they get Mandy Moore. I'm hoping it just stays good news from there. With Marcquet seemingly on the bubble now, Serge needs to bring it here to help the judges forget he's been in the Bottom Three for two out of three weeks so far. It's a beautiful routine, full of emotion and lovely, interesting connections between the two dancers. It might be because I feel like I'm on contemporary overload, but while there is absolutely nothing wrong with this routine, and they are both performing it quite well, I'm bored. I'm sorry. I just feel very been there-done that, watching this. Unfair, perhaps … but there it is. Serge performed quite well, as well as anyone could in this routine, and he partners her beautifully. It might save him, given Marcquet's less-than-stellar turn. I do think he's performing better, overall, so I'd go for that. I do find myself wondering if Serge's excessive sweating turns off some voters. He obviously has no control over that, but it's not all that attractive, no matter how beautifully he dances. I feel bad for that and wish there was a solution for him. I'm sure he does, too. Carly comes off somewhat forgettable here, in that she could be interchangeable with Bridget or Emily and I don't think we'd really remember who danced this, just that she looked really pretty doing it. Judges: Nigel has praise for both and comments on Serge's growth from week to week. Marcquet, honey? Not lookin' good.

6. Emily & Teddy: Salsa. Yikes. They get Oksana and Jonathan as choreographers who, if I knew who they were before, I've forgotten. All I can say watching the rehearsal footage is, yikes squared. That looks beyond ridiculously hard. I'm glad neither of them is in jeopardy. Let's hope that holds true for next week, too. They have great chemistry, and I think they might need it! And? Well … it's exuberant. I'll give them that. They are both clearly worried, despite the pasted grins on their faces. Emily has a little slip in the beginning, and though she recovers really well, it doesn't help with the nerves. Teddy's body is giving it his all, but you can see his mind all but whirring as he counts the moments before he has to do another lift, and they're all a little nuts, so … like I said … they are throwing themselves at this, and it looks a little thrown. They are sort of coast-dancing through the movements, worrying about the tricks, so the sharpness is all gone. He didn't drop her. So there's that. That said, I don't know that they could have done much better with what they were given, given what they know. Possible danger zone next week. Just sayin'. Judges: The general consensus was: Yeah, you're way out of your style, but … good try! Nigel also gives us the insight that on top of the crazy hard routine that they know not how to do at all, Emily apparently dislocated her shoulder just that afternoon. And that? Well, first, ouch! But not only does it explain a lot about their heightened nerves showing, it explains why they had the nerves to that degree in the first place. You can decide if that excuses the dance or not, voting wise, but kudos to them both for going on with the show. I'm just glad she's OK!

7. Jacque & Zack: Jazz. They get Sonya Tayeh, so that's good news for Zack. I liked these two last week and think it's weird that she's in and he's not. I hope he's safe tonight. Sorry, Marcquet! Of course, Sonya's jazz routines are more or less contemporary with a jazz feel, so I hope he can pull it off. It starts off and, well, well, well … Zack is all sinewy, powerful maleness. Who knew? Nicely done there, tap guy! Jacque has a rather unfortunate outfit on, especially given the more outstanding costuming done for her fellow female contestants tonight, and the blah, ragtag pink number does little to help enliven her portion of this piece. Also? What is with all the incessantly dark mood lighting for every single piece? Give us the light! Maybe that is part of my contemporary (yeah, yeah, it's jazz, but come on …) ennui. Jacque performs really well, but my attention stays on Zack. He took this part and wrung it right out. The partner work was really demanding, and he totally rose to that occasion and then some. Good on him! I hope he gets the votes this week. I think he is a dark horse and I'd like to see him continue on to the Top 10. Also? Keep him in shirtless vests every week. Judges: Nigel wasn't a huge fan of the routine, but he had nice things to say for the dancers, however I wouldn't go so far as to call it praise. So … now I'm worried. Dang it. And Misty? Please go to Australia. Be a swan. Leave us and these poor dancers be. Now would be good. I'll call you a cab. (See? That was so much nicer than, Shut up, Misty. Although … yeah.)

8. Brooklyn & Casey: Hip-hop. They get Wildebeest as their choreographer. M'kay. Also? I dig this guy. I like the routine, and his moves. I hope these two exceedingly pale, young, non-street-dancing folk can do it some remote form of justice. Brooklyn? Honey? Yee. You need to kill this. So, we start and … oh boy. Brooklyn gets, like, a body suit by UnderArmor, all sleek and cool and sporty, and seriously un-hip-hoppy. But Casey … wow. He gets the tank and the spandex leg part, which does him no favors, then all that's paired with a seriously un-sporty-looking pair of gray gym shorts like your dad might wear. Oh … honey. I'm so sorry. So very … very sorry. Because not only would this getup get him stuffed in a school locker, but he has to wear it while attempting to look street in a down-and-dirty hip-hop routine. It's just too cruel, really. I try to get past it, try to get past it with both of them, but it's just … who dressed these two? It's like the freckle-faced kids next door trying to look all fiercely street in their adorable, We Live on the Mean Streets of Mayberry kind of way. Not the pimp spot any of us was hoping for, least of all them. Judges: Nigel goes right for the "what are you wearing?" thing, so … not just me, then. Essentially just read what I wrote above. Times three. Brooklyn? I'm worried for you, my darling. Casey? I'm worried for you next week.

And we're not done dancing tonight yet!

We get two mini-group routines tonight, both contemporary, with eight of our dancers giving us a Sonya Tayeh routine and the other eight get Travis Wall. Ohhh, choreographer throwdown! You'll notice that some of the pairs are split up … others aren't. Wonder what's up with that?

Mini-group 1: Brooklyn, Casey, Serge, Emily, Emilio, Tanisha, Valerie and Zack. Sonya calls her piece The Village of Broken People. (To which I say … has she ever had a routine that wasn't named that?) We continue with the "contemporary must be danced in the dreariest colors ever" rule of costuming. Added to that, the makeup department has drawn shattered-type markings on their arms, necks and faces. Broken People. Get it? I know, so literal, Show, so literal. It's a quirky routine that at first doesn't grab me as anything particularly special, but when Tanisha breaks out with a short solo, followed by one with Emilio, it gets quirky in a way that really grabs your attention, with the way they are jerking themselves about and alternately flinging themselves to the floor. The Bjork song actually worked perfectly with what they were doing and enhanced the emotion of it. It had my attention, anyway. Judges: See above. In other news? Tanisha is so not going home.

Mini-group 2: Rudy, Jacque, Teddy, Ricky, Marcquet, Jessica, Brooklyn, Carly. I had to go look up who Carly was when I was looking at the eight faces in this group. So that's not good. Have you noticed that a number of the final eight girls look a lot alike? From the rehearsal footage, it seems that having one dancer jump high and land on the hands of the other seven, as well as having one dancer being caught by the other seven, was a mandatory part of the choreography. Otherwise, crazy coincidence! Routine begins, we're all in black suits, and while a dreary color, the sharpness of the suits is a welcome lift. As is the up-tempo tune by OneRepublic. The full eight comes from the back of the stage straight on at us, and the routine never lets down from that first moment onward. Dynamic, moving, energetic, and no I See Damaged People vibe to be found anywhere. I'm a big fan! Still a lot of similar-like choreography, but the faster tempo and in-your-face emotion is far more engaging to this armchair judge. If the other team was broken, it's possible this team was the crew who broke them. Just sayin'. Nice way to end the night. Energy! More contemporary like that, please! Also? Who knew Ricky had some dark Hook in him? I liked it. I liked it a lot. Judges: Glowing, glowing, more glowing. Earned. Times 10.

We have a song performance from Lucy Hale as filler, with no dance at all, so … you know, I don't get that. I mean … it's a fun and flirty little performance, but this is a dance show. So shouldn't there at least be some dancing? Somewhere? Never mind. Thank you, filler people.

And now … we get to end the show, as we always do, with sad news. Seems wrong somehow. But, such is the nature of competition. Who goes? Who stays? And? Next week, we lose FOUR. You heard me. Yikes! And after a very uneven week of performances, too. I'm afraid. Very afraid. Imagine how they feel! The best dance of the night went first, too … so thank goodness it was Ricky, you know?

OK, OK, so here we go. Nigel sticks with America's vote again this week, so the bottom two vote-getters are out.

Excused Guy Dancer: Marcquet

Excused Girl Dancer: Brooklyn

Not a shocking conclusion after tonight's program, but never fun. And now four more will go home next week. Gasp! Who do you think it will be? I think Serge and Bridget are likely toast despite having two of the better routines tonight. But, honestly, other than Ricky and Rudy? I don't know that anyone is bulletproof. Jessica now gets her next new weekly partner, which will be Casey. You recall, he of the goofy gym shorts? Between that and the Curse of Jessica, I think the poor guy is doomed.

Well, now that we've taken things away, I say let's give something back! Last week I put an advance copy of my upcoming Aug. 26 release, Sandpiper Island, up for grabs. Thank you all for your enthusiastic (and often very dance dishy) entries! Quite a global lot you've grown to as well. I like it! Who snagged the prize? Come on down, Marla Tuchinsky!! Email me at donna@donnakauffman.com with an address and your autographed copy will go straight out in the mail.

Now, don't get all "I'm the bottom vote-getter" glum on me. This week marked an exciting professional milestone for me and I'd like to celebrate with all of you! Audible.com bought the rights to a number of my current and backlist titles and is putting them out in audiobook form and I couldn't be more excited about that. Four of them are available rightthiseverysecond, and I think if one winner is fun, that having four winners would be even better. I mean, if they're sending four dancers home next week, the least we can do is counter that with four winners. Take that, Show!

So, here's the deal: Drop me an email to donna@donnakauffman.com with "Audiobooks? I'm all about audiobooks!" in the subject line. That's it. I'll draw four names from the stack and announce them here next week. Prizes are: From my Hot Scot series: Some Like It Scot and Off Kilter. And from my Chisholm Brothers series: Bad Boys in Kilts and The Great Scot. International entries welcome as always. One entry puts you in the running for all four prizes.

I will see you back here next week, my faithful armchair judging compatriots! In the meantime, if you want to stick around and chat awhile, I promise to never make you feel like you're having a bad hair day and of course, those jeans make your ass look fabulous! Join me over at my Facebook Fan Page and let's keep the conversation going!