Say Good Bye To Active Listening

How many times have you been in a conversation where someone repeated your every word back to you, but it was still plainly clear they didn’t have the first clue about what you were trying to say?

Sounds familiar? Well the biggest crazy in leadership and in organizations is active listening. Repeat what was said, regardless if you were listening or not.

We all would like to be heard and want to know that people are listening to what we are saying, but active listening, to be honest, makes us all sound like parrots.

So let’s take it a step further and replace active listening with something that works why don't we try empathetic listening.

Here’s how it works:

Presence. Sometimes when we listen we are busy with our own thoughts, and it’s hard to be present. Empathetic listening means being fully present, listening with your heart and leaving your own thoughts behind. Be attentive.

Not interrupting. Most of us listen through the filter of our own eagerness to say what we think. Empathetic listening means withholding the desire to help or interrupt and instead allowing the person to express how they feel. Be interested.

Not giving advice. Especially if we’re knowledgeable about the subject, it’s natural to want to give advice. Empathetic listening means focusing on what the other person is saying and what it means to them. Be open.

Freedom from judgment. Don’t be distracted by your own judgments. When we listen we sometimes become eager to express what we think. Empathetic listening with an open heart means we are open to another person’s experience, acknowledging the other person’s words with understanding. Be sensitive.

True interest. Active listening is about repeating. Empathetic listening means not parroting back the speakers words, or asking a million questions, but helping the speaker fill in the gaps in your understanding with relevant, timely questions. Questions are focused on creating greater clarity. Be curious.

Listening is a skill you can learn—and once learned, it can teach us a lot about ourselves as well as others.

Empathetic listening cultivates a atmosphere of trust and respect. Through empathic listening you’re letting the speaker know "I understand your problem and how you feel about it, I’m interested in what you are saying, and I’m not going to judge you.

Stop sounding like a parrot with active listening and start listening with heart. Be empathetic, be attentive, be interested, be open, be sensitive, be curious.

© 2014 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.