1. You don't summer in Nantucket, but on.
2. You think a proper bloody mary is garnished with lobster.
3. You leave your car keys in the ignition and your front door unlocked.
4. Your rope bracelet looks like a relic salvaged from a shipwreck.
5. You know your credit card number by heart after too many times leaving it at the Chicken Box.
6. You're prepared to take out a small loan whenever you visit the grocery store.
7. You call Memorial Day Figawi.
8. You Instagram the heck out of every sunset.
9. You know the PSI of your tires.
10. You can't resist capitalizing the letters ACK at every opportunity, no matter how tACKy.
11. You have every copy of N Magazine on your coffee table. (Full disclosure, I'm the editor of said magazine, but it's true.)
12. You hear the Vineyard is nice but you've never been there; you dry heave when someone even mentions the Hamptons.
13. You forget the rules of the road when it comes to traffic lights.
14. You get your news from the Inky.
15. You know that Cisco has the best waves … and the best beer.
16. When you get Lyme, it's not for your Corona.
17. You become a meteorologist whenever there's a hurricane—and also consider it acceptable to day drink.
18. You wear Nantucket reds without a trace of irony.
19. You've read In the Heart of the Sea, Island Practice, and Moby Dick – or at least you pretend to have read Moby Dick.
20. You call the library the Atheneum.
21. You've been to more fundraisers than both presidential candidates.
22. You know the acronyms NHA, HDC, and—in some unfortunate cases—DUI.
23. You call yourself a washashore, never an islander.
24. You know that Fog Happens.
25. You buy your books at Mitchell's or Bookworks, never Amazon.
26. Your dog's name is Tucker.
27. When it comes to dinner, Millie's means Mexican.
28. You know that the crappier the car, the richer they are.
29. You've spent a third of your summer waiting in line at the Juice Bar.
30. You know that Bodega is not a Spanish market and Haul Over is not a verb.
31. You know that a "Summer Special" is a policeman, not a menu item.
32. You consider driving from Madaket to Sconset a cross-country voyage, so you pack Provisions.
33. Your favorite movie is Jaws.
34. Weddings are a form of sport.
35. You log on to blACKbook more often than Facebook.
36. You know Props is on India Street—not on a movie set.
37. You get Black Eyes for breakfast, not in a fight.
38. You don't go swimming at Town Pool.
39. You eat lunch at the Pharmacy.
40. You know that Nobadeer is the best place to get arrested on the Fourth of July.
41. You can Shut the Box.
42. You know that asking a bartender for "a Paul" doesn't actually mean you're looking for a guy named Paul (hardcore local knowledge).
43. Your pinnacle of social success is being photographed by Mahon About Town.
44. Your bike has a Young's sticker on it.
45. You get your surf report from Gary Kohner and your weather from Russ Murely.
46. When you're hung over, you head to the airport for breakfast.
47. You know that seeing a "pasty" on "the Strip" has nothing to do with exotic dancers
48. You buy designer bags at the thrift store.
49. Your car has cobblestone rash.
50. You call the mainland "America" and hope never to go bACK.
Robert Cocuzzo is the editor of N Magazine and the author of Tracking the Wild Coomba: The Life of Legendary Skier Doug Coombs.
