Description: Writing a Scene of Pure Shock

writing-questions-answered:

faerielullabies asked: I’m really stuck and could use your help. My story is about a villain, a truly evil person with no redeemable qualities besides his traumatic past, who is out prowling the streets one night and loses nearly his entire leg in a car accident. I have the story plotted out, but I have no idea how to describe the earth shattering shock of losing a leg without it sounding flat. It’s written in first person, and he is truly devastated. Could you give maybe write a short example of pure shock, please?

I’m not going to write an example but I’ll do something better: I’ll help you figure out how to write it yourself. :)

Writing an emotionally heavy scene like this requires you to rely on all the senses to illustrate the character’s shock. But first, you may want to do some research on shock—which is an actual medical condition—so that you know what the patient will experience. You may also want to see if you can find some accounts from people who lost a limb in an accident to see what they went through.

Illustrate the character’s shock by applying what you’ve learned to their various senses:

• Touch - What does the injury feel like? What is the pain like? What other symptoms of shock to they feel in their body? Stomach ache? Headache? Dizziness? Nausea? What do they actually touch during the traumatic moment? Do they have contact with the injury? The blood? The flesh? What are they thinking as they experience all of this? What do they feel?
  
  
• Taste - Are there any tastes associated with the injury? Bile in their mouth from vomiting or nearly vomiting? Did they sustain any other injuries in the accident which caused blood to be in the mouth? Are sweat and tears reaching the mouth? Can they taste anything in the air, like exhaust from the car or burned rubber from the tires? Does anyone put something in their mouth to bite down on to help with the pain? How does that taste?
  
  
• Smell - Are there any smells associated with the accident? Related to the environment—like perhaps the accident was near a sweet smelling field of flowers—or related to the accident, like burned rubber, car exhaust, smoke? If they or anyone else vomited, they can probably smell that. Sometimes when people are seriously injured, their bowels evacuate, so that’s something someone might smell, too—though that might be a bit unpleasant or graphic to include in your description.
  
  
• Sound - What can your character hear? Noises from terrified onlookers? Noises from the car? Noises from the environment, like birds chirping or insects buzzing? Perhaps their own cries?
  
  
• Sight - What does your character see? Probably lots of blood, damaged flesh, torn clothing, terrified onlookers, a wrecked car, smoke or fire, a peaceful night sky?

All of these elements together with the medical symptoms of shock can be brought together to create a vivid scene. Good luck! :)