'So You Think You Can Dance' recap by Donna Kauffman

We're in Week 3 of So You Think You Can Dance: The Audition Rounds. I'm thinking once we reach the end of this episode, I will be at about my audition round limit. Don't get me wrong, we're meeting some wonderful dancers and being teased with the knowledge that there are more, oh so many more, who have been kept hidden under wraps (aka littering the editing room floor) and you really can't have too much of that. Except for when you can. Like after tonight.

We need to move on to the Call Back Round. Otherwise known as The Mass Attrition of the Mighty. We need to woo and winnow in equal measure. Now will be our time to get to know the dancers we will need to know in order to start caring about them. At the same time we must be ruthless, because we can only love so many. Yes, our love is measured, and it is not boundless, and even more important, it must be earned. And for that to happen? Yes, so many — oh so very many — dance dreams must be crushed, and tears of devastation must be shed. And that's just us. Imagine how the dancers are going to feel!

But that will be next week. Right now? We're still in the Happy Happy Joy Joy Golden Ticket stage of Anything Is Possible. So let's begin, shall we?

Dateline: Los Angeles. Day 2 of our auditions in the City of Angels. And hopefully awesome dancers. Mary and Nigel are joined yet again by my TV bestie, Christina Applegate. Let's commence to dancing!

Except … no. The dancers are ready. The judges are ready. I'm ready. However, Mother Nature has other ideas and ruthlessly unleashes her fury on my Blue Ridge mountaintop home here … and there goes my power. Yay, Mother Nature. Yay.

Aaaaand then, we're back! Oops, we're not. Oh, there we are! Then aren't.

Yeah, it was like that. So, what follows is what Mom Nature allowed me to watch. My apologies for the gaps in our weekly dance dish.

We start the evening with Ballroom Guy & The Twerker. Yes, Mom Nature thought this was what I needed to see. Actually, Ballroom Dude made it one cut shy of last season's Top 20 and his partner made it in. This year he's with … The Twerker. We see a lot of her twerking and if twerking were an Olympic sport? Gold medal. Somewhere Miley is sobbing, wishing she could twerk like that. Me? I'm so very, very over it. Fortunately, it looks like Twerker is also a very good ballroom dancer and that's what they're auditioning. So? Whoa. They are all sinewy and sensual and — fan! Can someone bring me a fan? You know it's beyond hot when even the cameraman refuses to listen to the producer and cut to the judges' reaction, keeping his camera frame nice and tight on this writhing duo of passionate ballroom goodness. And oh, goodness gracious me. Is it a little too staged and over rehearsed? Sure. But does it lessen their ballroom prowess of prowling goodness? Not at all. Three tickets waving. Me waving. Everyone is waving. (Pssst, I'm Too Sexy for my Dance Girl from last week? THAT is how you tell me you're sexy.)

Next it's time for Parkour Street Dance Guy who, I'm pretty sure was born with tightly coiled springs in the place of actual bones. But was that dancing? Uh … um. Because of his intense genius of physical craziness, they put him through to choreography, which is fair. However, I was pretty sure he'd injured himself during the audition … and? He did. My advice? Take the year and combine some dance moves with all that parkour amazingness and we'll see you next year, m'kay?

Now it's time for Contemporary Cutie w/ Lyle Lovett Hair. (Seriously, we do the Google thing every week. Hurry up. I'll wait here. But it's storming. So don't keep me too long.) He's technically very good. And boy can pirouette for days. Weeks. Longer than I have to watch this show. He looks like Ryan Reynolds' younger, very twirly brother, but for some reason, despite being very talented, I can't say he grabbed me personally. Who knows why? But three tickets are thrown at him, and he deserved the flingage.

We are treated to the first of what you know will be a string of Montages of Dancing Goodness where we hear the judges expound on the amazingness of these dancers we're apparently not going to get to actually watch, which, given the judges are saying things like "best we've seen yet!" and "you're perfect!" you'd think, you know, just one of them would be a nice thing. We do get a very hilarious look at one guy unbunching his drawers from that uncomfortable place drawers get bunched before unleashing his dance moves upon us (which we see not at all). What we do see is my TV bestie Christina saying she's going to incorporate that unbunching move into her signature dance floor move, complete with demonstration and, heyyyy, Christina's got some moves, y'all! She ain't all pretty face and no hips, if you know what I mean. Dang.

Next? A youngster strolls out on stage, and this isn't that "Oh, my kid brother/sister/dad is in the audience and so let's stop the actual good dancing for this complete waste of time" piece. He appears to be seriously auditioning. He's a very serious young dude. He tries to pull the "I'm 18" deal on them, but you know, he's actually 9, so that didn't play. He claims he's there for the experience, so Nigel lets him have it. Me? I think we might just be in for a treat. I hope. Because Mother Nature is not about to let me off with a full two hours here so let's not waste my time, Show. Then Nigel pulls Fikshun and Cyrus up on stage with the kid, and I don't even care if he's good. He's all amazed by his good fortune, but he also owns the stage. O-W-N-S. All nine years of him. Holy amazing dance kid, Batman. He is a complete marvel and I could keep watching and be very happy. But it does come to an end. And as he walks up to talk to the judges … yeah, Mother Nature snarks at me … and off goes my screen. Thank you for at least letting me see that wee one! Major talent in a tiny body. I can't even wrap my head around how he'll be by the time he's old enough to compete. (Pssst, that would be at twice the age he is now.)

I am allowed back into the auditorium in time to watch our first ballerina of the season. I think we can see her talent in the intro package, so no worries about that. A ticket is in her future. What we learn is that she is dancing to express her feelings about watching her brother struggle with addiction, as that is what has given her the place to work through all of that. We see a montage of photos of the two of them as happy tots and of him as a not-so-happy young adult. The glorious part is, he is now, many years of rehab later, healthy, happy and, most important, sober. Now let's celebrate that journey with her, shall we? With her grace and strength and ridiculous levels of control, she's a stunning dancer. Beautiful to watch. Tickets, please. And thank you!

Then we have poor, misunderstood Johnny Whacks. I'm just guessing on that spelling, but given we spend the next ten minutes doing every double-whacking-entendre in the juvenile, snickering "I said whack!" book, I'm thinking I'm close if not spot-on. Just get to the actual, cough, whacking, shall we? And you know what? If whacking could be an art form? This young man has mastered it. That was fun to watch. He's got some talent under all the vaguely Walk Like A Hindu posturing … and the sheer, floor-length skirt. I hope they put him through to choreography. Regardless of whether he moves on beyond that, I hope he eventually sees the value in extending himself beyond his, um, specialty. And? Off to choreography he goes. Sans skirt, I hope. (Get it? Sans skirt? Hindu moves? Sigh. Everyone's a critic.)

Up next is Serge, our manly man ballroom guy from last year (so no, not the Serge from Beverly Hills Cop. And now that I have recalled the delicious Bronson Pinchot, I must go watch that movie anew. Only, you know, not now. Don't you dare Google it! We have things to do! Make a note for later!) Anyway, this Serge? Yeah, last time he was so busy being into himself he sort of kind of dropped his partner. On her head. Right. He's got a lot to make up for. New partner this year. No helmet on her, so hopefully that means he's improved. She's a talent in her own right, with a rocky past in the international ballroom arena. But these two have found each other and are very sweet and kind to one another as well as being ridiculously hot together. Hopefully redemption and rebirth await. These two have sizzling chemistry just standing next to each other onstage before the music even begins. And can I mention that a hot guy doing ballroom in a black tank and old jeans is somehow incredibly, um … sorry, where was I? Typing? Oh. Right. I was distracted by the copious drooling. Mine. (Wow.) These two are so smokin' hot they put the other ballroom hotties to shame. I think it's the fact that rather than play their sexuality to the judges, as the other pair did, these two can't keep their eyes — or their hands — off each other. His partnering is every bit as compelling as her sinewy, sexy moves, and you really can't take your eyes off of either of them. That's Meryl & Maks levels of chemistry right there, and then some. (What? You didn't watch the Happily Ever After Goodness that was Meryl & Maks on this recent season of Dancing With the Stars? Sigh. But don't go Google them now, either, or we'll never see you again. Yes. It's that dancelicious.) As for these two? I will drive them to the next round personally. But that won't be necessary, as tickets are flung in their general direction with great and well-earned enthusiasm. (Fellas? Take a lesson from this. Treat your partner with care and respect, earn her trust, and she will light up the world for you. And only you.)

That leads us up to The Montage of Ballroom Dancing Goodness. Looks like this will be the Season of the Ballroom Dancer. Nice! It's usually the contemporary dancers who dominate, but a number of pairs, even just in the clips, look very strong. I'm a fan!

On to our Final Choreography Round for LA. Eighteen dancers have made it through to this round with All-Stars Kathryn and Robert as their coaches. We have our young Whack God doing his level best, but our Parkour Guy did decide he was too injured to continue. Good choice, there! And hey! WG gets his ticket along with five other dancers from this round. Nice Job, You!

With that, we're off to the City of Brotherly Love! Hello, Philly!

And? Mother Nature messes with me yet again … only it is brief. It's almost like … she's just deleting the commercials for me. Hey, thanks, MN!

In Philly we have Nigel, Mary, and … well, I missed her intro, but a little Googling on my part (hey! I'm allowed!) tells me she's prima ballerina Misty Copeland. I don't know all that much about her dance career other than impressive! But she's a beautiful young woman with a sparkling smile. Welcome to the show, pretty sparkly ballerina! (Boy, could you see her and last week's hot ballet dude Fabrice together? Talk about smokin'! My TV would probably melt from their collective hotness.)

But let's get on with the actual competition. We can fantasize about them later. At length. In detail. Repeatedly.

We begin with a dancer from Arizona, and get out your hankies. It's our first tearjerker of the night. She is the only girl in a family of three boys, so she was daddy's little wonder. Her father was killed in a car accident when she was 12, with her two brothers in the car at the time. They were OK, but that is tragic on so many levels, you feel for her, even if it was some years ago now. He was the one who took her to all her rehearsals and performances, they watched this very program together as well, and he supported her goal to be on it one day. So she feels him still there as she performs, which is the sweetest kind of benediction, and you know he is as proud of her as she would want him to be. So, go on and dance already while I can still see the keyboard to type this, will ya? And pass the dang tissues. She's lovely and it's very moving and joyous at the same time. Throw some tickets at her and … they do. So well earned. Check her out, Dad!! You gave her that.

Now we launch into the Montage of Philly Dance Goodness. And … the storm gods prevail once again as Mother Nature dictates a wee break. I take this opportunity to go refresh my fruity umbrella drink because, well, Mother Nature basically just told me to. In, you know, so many words. As I interpreted them.

We come back to the tail end of the Harlem Ballerina, who I will now have to Google tomorrow, because I was intrigued by the teeny-tiny bit at the end that I got to see. Apparently, the judges were also intrigued as she gets put through to choreography.

After commercial break, we get yet another Montage of Dance Goodness, and I'm left wondering if we'll ever spend some time actually getting to see some of them. It is good to know there is so much talent heading to the next round, but still … I feel a little distanced from it all, the way it's being packaged.

Now it's time to welcome back an alumnus from a previous season. You may remember Jenna? She was also in the dance troupe on the most recent season of Dancing With the Stars, and I wouldn't be the least surprised if she's moved up in the fall season to having her own celeb partner and entering the competition proper. This evening, she's returning a favor to a friend. He's an 18-year-old ballroom dancer who … really needs a new hair stylist. Because … no. Just, please someone, mess up those bangs for me. Or, you know, shave them off, along with the rest of his hair. He'd look so much better, not to mention more ruggedly handsome and mature. He was her partner last year when she made it through to the show, but alas, he was too young to compete himself. She promised she'd come back and help him as he'd helped her, and here we are. I thought at first they were kidding about being boyfriend and girlfriend, but … maybe not so much with the kidding? I don't know. But how cute is that? And yet, dude, you have some masculine chops there trying ever so hard to peek out. From under those awful bangs that refuse to stay swept to the side where they might actually not make you look all of 12. Anyhow … here we go! And check out the cute ginger! He's got some hip-swiveling, sexy moves on his very manly man body. Dude. I kind of didn't see that coming. That they're using music that makes me think of the movie Wild Orchid only makes it that much more whew! (You definitely can't go look that up until after the show. And then only if you're over 18. Because … yeah. You'll see. Where did I put that fan anyway?) These two are surprisingly well matched and I just hope he gets some sharply angled fade before he starts the next round because I like this kid! Tickets for you! And for Jenna? A personal invite from Nigel to be an All-Star this season. Because … apparently he watches DWTS, too. No dummy, he. I just hope it doesn't interfere with her moving up the ranks there.

And, just when I hoped Mother Nature would come through with a timely little tape gap … yeah, no. So I fast-forward through the Biebster instead. Because I can. I do stop when I see a preponderance of blue sequins. On a preponderance of young men. Oh, it gets better. Wait for it. They are the Bollywood Hip Hop Crew. Yeah. You heard me. And? It's an interesting angle and they play it really well. I just … don't understand the Vegas Vests of Vivacity thing. Or the red Keds. But, OK. At least they got my attention! So there's that. The other crew tonight is Mixed Elements. Their hook is that they incorporate all the street beat styles, like krump and beat boy, and they're good at it. I don't know from how this is packaged (which is to say so very badly) just how good they might be when it comes to performance dynamics, but I'd like to see more of them.

Next is Leopard Pants Boy. He was in it for Season 9, had a bit of a tantrum when they cut him loose. But he turned his frustration inward and used it to motivate himself and supposedly we're about to see the new and improved, um, Leopard Pants Boy. On you go, LPB. On you go. He's a beat boy, and it's marginally entertaining with a few really good elements, but overall? Yeah … I dunno. Not all that unique. He's got this really weird expression on his face now, too. I mean, he's not high or anything, but what is that weird squinty-eyed stank face thing all about? If you're telling us you're the new happy LPB, then, um … let us see the happy. And 100% less golf ball-size neck beads. At best, I'd say choreography. Maybe. He gets that much. So, OK.

Day 1 is over and it's time for the Choreography Round. Twenty-one dancers have moved on to train with Robert and Melanie Moore (luv huh!). To his credit, LPB really soaked up everything he could during the choreo round, as did Harlem Funky Ballerina. And? They both make it through! I was really surprisingly impressed with him during that round, so good on you for persevering. More of that guy, please. Smiling.

On to Day 2!

We get Billy Porter today, who won a Tony for his role in Broadway's Kinky Boots.

We start with our second tearjerker. Sweet contemporary dance dude (what a charming face on him!) who happens to have lost his mother to a heart attack when he was 4. And sleeping next to her at the time. Yikes. I don't care how old you are, or how young … that has to leave a mark. Worse? When the extended family for his parents were supposed to come to court to see who got custody? No one showed up. Wow. He says he felt a little abandoned. A little! Ya think? That's so many levels of wrong and cruel, I can't begin to elaborate. A friend of his mom's takes him instead and provides him with the loving foundation that has turned him into the courteous gentle spirit he is today. Not to mention wickedly talented! I love this guy! And his performance is surprisingly, as he calls it, creature-like. Powerful and primal with this underlying thread of grace and a total contrast to his sweetness. I liked that, too! Tickets for him!

More montages, more ticket flingage! Then it's on to the street dancer who got shot twice. In his knee. Yow. He almost lost his leg to amputation, but then no. So he dedicated himself back to his dance, treasuring his second chance. And here he is. I like this guy. Soft-spoken, not overselling it, just … there. To perform. So let's let him, shall we? I hope he's awesome. He's a great showman, kind of spooky, but captivating. Hope he at least gets to choreography. If anyone is going to put himself 100% into this process, it's this guy. I could root for him. And? Off he goes. Please pull it out!

He joins 26 other dancers for our Choreography Round. He's definitely not there yet, and he doesn't move on, but what a great start! Eleven of them do make it through, though!

And? We're done! With this week's audition. Sadly, oh so very sadly, we are not done with the actual audition rounds. As I'd so hoped. Next week? We're on to Atlanta! Yeah, yeah, we'll be there, Show. But let's get on with it, shall we? I want my show to begin!!

In the meantime, this doesn't keep us from taking the next step in our journey! Last week I put up some fab swag for the weekly giveaway, and you all stepped right up! I love that kind of enthusiasm! It should be rewarded! And I'm going to! Right now! The winner of the signed copy of my latest release, Half Moon Harbor, and the beautiful pendant charm necklace including a hand-tied monkey's fist nautical knot, exclusively designed for this book by the fabulous Joyce Taber of The Cotton Thistle (check out the whole Blueberry Cove Collection!) is … Inga Francis!! Woot, woot, Inga! Drop me an e-mail to donna@donnakauffman.com with an address and your prize package will go out in the next mail pouch.

Now, I know what you're saying. Well, all of you Not Inga's, anyway. You're saying, "Hey! We stepped up! Where's our swag? Huh? Huh?" And to that I say — well, first I say, calm down. Because you know me by now. We've been all intimately dance dishing for weeks. You know I'm a giver. I give and I give. So of course there's going to be more swag. Of course you're going to have another chance to grab it for your very own.

This week you can score a book that's not even out yet. I know! Not only do you get the book, but you get bragging rights. The "I have it and you don't! And you can't!" kind of bragging rights. In the right hands, priceless, really. Yes, I'm talking about book three in my Bachelors of Blueberry Cove series, Sandpiper Island. The rest of the world can't get their mitts on it alllll the way until Aug. 26. You, however, could have it in your hands next week. I know! It's the ultimate neener-neener. And who doesn't need more of those, I ask?

How do you win the Neener-Neener Swag Grab? Drop me an e-mail to donna@donnakauffman.com with "Heck yeah, I want bragging rights!" in the subject line. That's it. Seriously. OK, OK, so if you want to dish a little about your thoughts on this week's episode, you know I want to hear what you have to say! Also? You will need to check back right in this space in next week's recap to find out if you won. Don't make me come looking for you!

Now, if you're saying to yourself, "What? She recaps dance shows and she writes books? What, she's like She-Ra and Wonder Woman all wrapped up in one happening cape and some kickass boots! Dang!" (Oh stop, you shouldn't go on like that! No, really!) Well, you've seen the recapping thing firsthand, right here. To learn more about the whole book-writing business, check out my website www.donnakauffman.com for all the latest. As for the rest ... this is my Tidbit of Wisdom for the day (yes, write it down): You don't have to be a superhero to have the happening cape and kickass boots. But having the cape and the boots? Will make you feel like you can do anything. (Seriously, look what one pair of shoes did for Cinderella.) Today, we shop! Tomorrow, we conquer our world!

Until next week! Same Dance Time, Same Dance Station.