Three Signs You're Lucky You Didn't Get The Job

Dear Liz,

I interviewed three times with a fairly large and well-established employer in my area. I didn't get the job. I figured out that they weren't going to hire me when three weeks elapsed after my last interview and I couldn't get anybody to return my calls. I thought that was very unprofessional, after I returned to the company's facility three times and met seven of their team members.

A week after I figured out that I wasn't going to get the job, I get an email message from someone in HR asking me to complete a writing sample. I wrote back to the person I had been dealing with in HR (a different person) and she responded to say that the writing-sample request was a mistake. That's all her message said.

Then I got a call from one of my references. My old boss Mary is included on my list of references. I  had handed over my reference list to the employer when I thought they were seriously considering me. Mary never got a call or email message from anyone at the company asking her to provide a reference for me, but she did get a phone call from someone in HR a few weeks after I was out of the running for the job.

They weren't calling him to get a reference on me. They were calling to ask Mary who else she knew that could potentially fill one of their job openings!

They didn't tell Mary where they had gotten her number, so she asked them, "Didn't you just interview my ex-colleague Nina three different times? She hasn't heard from you. Now you're calling me to network, but my only relationship with your company is that I agreed to give a reference for Nina. I should not be on your 'friends and family' networking list."

The recruiter who called Mary didn't have the manners to realize, much less acknowledge, that she was misusing Mary's time and misusing confidential information (Mary's contact details), also. The recruiter just told Mary that she could "take her off her list" and she hung up. Now I'm glad I didn't get the job.

The company seems very unprofessional and badly managed. Or am I overreacting? Maybe this is just the way recruiting works these days.

Am I judging that company more harshly because they rejected me? Should job-seekers expect better treatment than I got during my interviewing process and if so, why are employers so lackluster about candidate follow-up?

Thanks,

Nina

Dear Nina,

When you are in an interview pipeline with an employer, especially if you are unemployed and really need a job, your senses will often betray you. Your fearful brain will take over and your sole mission will be to get the job offer -- whether it is the right job for you, or not.

That's why so many talented job-seekers stay in interview pipelines long after they should have bailed. They think, "Maybe it's just one more step! Maybe there won't be any more insults or indignities after this one. I can stick it out. I can only turn down the job offer once I get it!"

That's what they think, but then they get the offer and they accept it and they realize that there are jobs that are worse than another month of unemployment.

Whenever you don't get a job you thought you wanted, it's a good idea to reflect on it. It isn't "sour grapes" to get altitude on the job you didn't get and to ask these questions:

1. Apart from paying my bills for as long as I kept that job if I'd gotten it, what would the position have given me? How would it have helped me move forward in my career and grow my flame?

2. What did I learn during this interview process -- not only about my value to employers but also about what I need in a job?

3. How can I take the learning I got in this recent interview process and use it to my advantage as my job search continues?

The signals you picked up from your almost-employer tell you how that company values talent. They don't value it! They treated you like dirt. They didn't have the courtesy to call you or send you a "no thanks" email message or text message, then they made a clerical error and sent you another request (command) to take a test; then they wrote to you to say that the test request was a mistake, without even taking the opportunity to thank you for interviewing with them or to apologize!

What they did with your list of references is references is reprehensible. Those people do not deserve your talents, Nina! The higher you set your standards, the more likely you are to end up in a better workplace. When you allow people to trample on you, they will. When you slam the door on situations like the one you just escaped, you make room for better situations (and people) to come in!

Yes, job-seekers deserve better treatment than what you got.

Here are three signs it's a good thing you didn't get the job!

Email Review Says It All

After your interview process is over (whether they tell you that they're not going to hire you or whether you figure it out on your own) you look back through your email correspondence and see how your almost-employer's representatives were terse and demanding with you. Then you realize then you were under a kind of spell while you were in the interviewing pipeline. We call this spell The Vortex.

You got caught up in The Vortex and stopped trusting your instincts. While you were whirling in The Vortex, you weren't listening to your body -- because you wanted so badly to push through to the finish line and get the job. Now as you read the correspondence with new altitude, you can see that you were just a cog in somebody else's wheel.

You Ask Hard Questions And Don't Like The Answers

Now that you realize you've got to re-focus your job search efforts on other opportunities, you can ask the question, "What do I know after this painful not-getting-hired experience that I didn't know before?" You might have learned that when recruiters keep you in the dark for weeks, that means they don't value you. You might have learned that the next time you're in this situation, you shouldn't wait for them to reject you -- you should reject them, instead!

Now that Mother Nature said, "This is not the job for you," you get (and have to) ask hard questions like "What is my bottom line? How far will I go to get a job offer, and how much abuse will I take from an employer as I go through their hiring process?"

If you don't know the answers to these questions or if your answers are all variations on "I'll whatever I have to do," you may have a serious mojo-depletion problem!

You will not get the job you deserve with an empty mojo fuel tank. Your first assignment is not to get more interviews, but to reconnect with your own power!

Your Body Agrees

We heard from Charla, who interviewed seven times with one company. "I joke that interviewing with this firm is my part-time job," said Charla. She met 11 people  in the company and nine of them said "You're wonderful -- it would be fun to work with you."

Then Charla got a one-line email message from someone she had never met. The person who wrote to Charla is the Administrator to the Executive VP who was supposed to be the next person Charla was going to meet. The Executive VP's Administrator wrote to Charla to say, "The Executive VP has put a freeze on all hiring so your meeting has been cancelled."

That was all. No one else contacted Charla. No one suggested that when hiring might become un-frozen Charla would be high on the "to be hired" list. No one from HR or her hiring department got in touch with her at all.

"I worked in the business world for 14 years," said Charla, "so I know how people's brains work. They had an opening to fill and I looked like a good candidate. They were all over me. Then the opening was put on hold and that was that. They're not thinking about the future. They're not thinking about me. I couldn't work in a place like that."

Charla said that she was keyed up and anxious for nine weeks as she went on seven different interviews with the organization that ended up freezing its hiring. She couldn't sleep well. The minute the Executive VP's Administrator wrote to Charla to say, "We're through," Charla slept like a baby. "I'm still unemployed," she said, "but I feel so much better!"

Your body knows better than your mind does, but it speaks quietly and you have to be patient to hear it. Don't feel like a loser or a reject when you miss out on a job opportunity. It may be the best thing that's ever happened to your career!

Yours,

Liz