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You’ve scrutinized what you plan to say. You’ve mentally calculated every word that will comes out of your mouth in that big meeting, pitch, or presentation. That’s good – that’s the ante to play. But you’re only going to be 7% effective in your communication. Not to be blunt, but 7% isn’t going to get you that prized customer, deep-pocketed investor or key buyer – in fact, 7% won’t get you anything since we live in a world where results are often binary. So where does the other 93% come from? The author of Silent Messages, Dr. Albert Mehrabian, determined that 38% of your communicative effectiveness is deemed by certain vocal elements aside from words, while 55% comes from nonverbal elements entirely. Even if the math isn’t exactly accurate, the fact of the matter is that the vast majority of your communication style is not related to what you’re actually saying. Let’s look at each sub-section to read between the lines.
The first category - certain vocal elements – describes not the actual words you say, but the way in which you say them. Your tone, pace, and usage of crutch words all impact your delivery, for better or for worse.
Tone can be helpful in a variety of ways. When delivering a speech or making a pitch, using a low registry (and a sense of evenness), will give you an air of authority. After all, you are the expert – make sure your tone of voice reflects that. By contrast, if you’re squeaky and excited, you’ll give an impression that you’re a giddy schoolgirl who doesn’t have the expertise to explain the point you’re making. If you want to emphasize a big point or show passion, bring your tone and volume up, but then bring it back down so that flourish really pops. Vary your tone to keep your audience’s attention and draw focus to important messages.
One especially frustrating trap to avoid is the bad habit of ending a declarative sentence like it’s a question and ending your sentence with a higher pitch – you don’t sound deferential: it’s just annoyingly reminiscent of 1990s Valley Girls and in turn, tanks your credibility. In a different setting, a so-called “shopping-list” style of tone is crucial when delivering feedback to a team member. Basically, this means that your voice is even and dispassionate, just like you’d be reading off a grocery list. By avoiding emotional swings and other problematic elements, you leave the focus on your words alone – and you make them count to the recipient of that feedback. If you don’t do this, you run the risk of that person lingering on the fact that you were angry or taking it personally – neither is productive in the long run.
Pace is equally important. If you rush through what you’re saying, nobody will have time to process it. Worse, if you’re obviously rushing through it because you’re nervous, you’ll make it clear that you don’t belong and nobody will understand what you’re saying – that’s a double misfire. Speed up to show energy and excitement; slow down to add gravitas to important points.
When you’re saying something important, sound like it; by using a variety of crutch words, you discredit yourself right away. Here are a few to avoid en masse: like, but, um, uh, maybe… you get my drift. Don’t dilute your message with these little interjections, and don’t do it either by turning your sentences into questions with phrases at the end such as “don’t you think?,” “right?,” and “you know?”. By doing this, you’ve demonstrated that you need assurance from your audience that your point is accurate, rather than delivering something confidently as if you know what you’re talking about.
Mehrabian’s second category – made up of entirely non-verbal elements – represents the majority of your communicative effectiveness. This section includes your posture, gestures, and choreography; each one is equally important as the others.
Are you slumped over or are you sitting straight up? Are you leaning into the conversation or relaxing back into your chair in a nonchalant fashion? This one should be obvious but is so often ignored – posture matters, and it’s an easy thing to fix. Gestures that you make can be helpful or detrimental, so think wisely. Using your hands to emphasize a particular point is wonderful, but constantly flailing your hands with a motion on every line seems like you’re amped up too much. Choose deliberately. Similarly, avoid gestures you make when you’re nervous. If you’re a nail-biter, pen cap nibbler, doodler, hair twirler, or foot tapper, be cognizant of this before you ever open your mouth. Then, make a concerted effort to not do this – because if you exhibit this habit, that’s all people will remember of you, and your desired message will be lost.
People associate choreography with theater or dance, but it’s equally important in business. If you’re giving a speech and you stand in place on one side of the stage, you’ve ignored the majority of the room (whatever side isn’t in closest proximity to your standing position). However, if you are walking rapidly back and forth, it’s distracting to an audience – a slow, even pace to activate the whole room will prove to be beneficial, so everyone feels part of the experience. Equally important is your choreography in a seated meeting. Where do you sit? Where do you offer a seat to your guest? Is everyone able to see the screen with your presentation clearly? How do you navigate a new setup? Think about these scenarios before you enter a room, so you’re not flustered by something silly, losing sight of why you’re really there.
Collectively, posture, gesture, and choreography add up to a hugely important part of communication, so don’t leave them to chance. Remember - your physiology will leave a more indelible mark than the words you say.
So many of us focus intently on the 7% of communication tied to what we say, yet we completely ignore the 93% of how we say it. As you’re preparing for a speech, fundraising opportunity, sales call, or an important meeting with a team member, think through your holistic communicative strategy – not just your script. Starting with your words is a great baseline to have, but use that plan simply as a foundation upon which to build the rest of your messaging – then, you can be assured your audience (whomever is included) will listen to what you have to say.
For an inside view into my world as a VC, entrepreneur, author, and keynote speaker, visit JoshLinkner.com.
