What If Your Grandparents Read Your Online Dating Texts

I'm not wearing anything under my Snuggie dot dot dot

What the hell's a Snuggie?

(upbeat pop music)

I'm an online dating virgin.

You popped my virtual cherry.

Do you still believe in chivalry,

like will you pay for my dinners and stuff?

Are you a thief?

'Because you just stole my standards.

My horoscope said I'd meet someone special today.

It never lies.

Thank God I'm finally single.

OMG, we look like brother and sister.

Wanna meet up? Exclamation point?

I love you.

Too soon.

Question mark.

What font were you thinking for our Save the Date?

Remember our Save the Date?

No.

If I could rearrange the alphabet,

I would put u and i together.

I remember when I said that to you.

Way to stay fresh, kids.

If you show me yours, I'll forward it to all my friends.

Do you like my duck face?

Are you a fan of my duck face?

How's my duck face?

Do you like my duck face?

I've got the last three episodes of Teen Mom on my DVR.

Wanna come over and see where the evening takes us?

You can come by or not.

I might be here or not.

Whatever.

You know what's missing from your pix me.

You know, oh.

You know what's missing from your pix?

Me.

From my pix?

Pix, pix, p i x.

Oh pix.

That's short for pictures.

It's an abbreviation.

I knew that.

They talk in shorthand.

I understood pix.

(upbeat pop music)

(snare drum)