Having fears is normal: the problem arises when you magnify your fears and allow them to cloud your ... [+]
What’s your biggest fear when it comes to your work? Is it that your next paycheck might not come in? That your clients won’t get results and ask for a refund? That you’ll get hurtful comments on social media that will discourage you from sharing more?
These are all common fears, much of which are learned reactions to deep-rooted childhood patterns or past traumatic events.
If you’re feeling self-conscious about your fears, the good news is that you’re not alone. Fear is a universal emotion shared amongst all humans on this planet. It’s driven by loss, rejection, and abandonment. To some extent, we all fear not being seen, not being loved, and not feeling like enough.
Having fears is normal: the problem arises when you magnify your fears and allow them to cloud your vision and prevent you from improving your circumstances or making positive changes in your life.
Your fears also become a problem when you put them on a pedestal and think they’re special. When we think that our fears are exclusive to only us, we alienate ourselves because we believe nobody else can relate to what we’re going through. We worry that others might shrug off our pain or see it as no big deal. How could others understand our pain and insecurities? Why open up or be vulnerable to people if they don’t get how we feel?
Unfortunately, keeping this pain and hurt inside only cuts us off from finding a solution or overcoming that fear, especially when everything seems to be going wrong. Becoming a victim to our own fears is just another way we distract ourselves from solving the problem that’s causing them in the first place.
As Thatja Andrade, women empowerment mentor and founder of The Magnetic Woman Academy, shares: “Eventually, you’ll discover there is just more to life than your fears. You’ll realize all the trivial worries dissipate in comparison to our power to impact the world. By crossing that bridge, you will understand just as I did, you lose nothing; you only gain more of who you truly are and are capable of being.”
You deserve to live a life that extends beyond your fears — and that starts with recognizing that fears are normal, they are not unique, and you have everything inside of you right now to overcome them. Here’s how to start conquering your fears and achieve your full potential:
Step 1: Find people who are thriving despite fear and model yourself after them. Everyone has fears, doubts, worries, and concerns. However, some people succeed despite those fears. Others let their problems consume them and sabotage their success.
Perhaps you’re scared of rejection. Stephen King’s first novel, Carrie, was rejected by 30 publishers, one of which told him “negative utopias” don’t sell. He was so upset that he threw his manuscript in the trash. However, his wife encouraged him to give it another shot. Now, King is a household name and one of the most successful authors to have ever lived.
Look for stories of people who share your same fear. How did they handle it? Did they persevere and make it to the other side? Or did they give up when they encountered the slightest pushback?
Step 2: Open up about your fears. Bottling up emotions isn’t just exhausting – it’s dangerous. Those who suppress their feelings are 30% more at risk of premature death and 70% more likely to die of cancer, according to a study by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester. Nothing’s scarier than that.
So, let your emotions out. The moment you recognize and address your fear, it loses power over you. It won’t hold you back or prevent you from living your life to its fullest.
Talk to a friend. Vent on internet forums. Hire a coach.
If nothing else, write it down. One of the most effective methods of opening up about your emotions is a process called expressive writing. This technique, pioneered by psychologist James Pennebaker, is incredibly simple but effective.
Take 20 minutes to write down whatever’s on your mind. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or neatness. Don’t worry about how you sound either – this exercise is for nobody’s eyes but yours. The point of this exercise is to get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper.
Once the timer dings, throw your paper in the recycling bin. Then, do this exercise another three days in a row.
This is a simple but effective exercise that will help you clear the emotions that are fueling your fears.
Step 3: Create a support system to lean on. You’re not alone in your fears. Everyone has worries and doubts, but most people keep quiet about them.
But it doesn’t have to be like that.
Opening up to your trusted friends, family, and loved ones about what you’re going through can be an empowering experience. Rather than trying to manage your fears on your own, find ways to support one another with your struggles and build a support system of people you trust that you can lean on when you need help.
You’ll find that they probably share many of the same fears that you do. They might’ve gone through, or are currently going through, similar situations as you. They may also have valuable answers and solutions to problems you’re facing.
Take a proactive role in the management of your own fears, and the result will be a life by your design. Although you can’t stop fears from existing, you can dissolve the power that they have over you and find a healthy, productive way to consistently overcome them. Once you learn how to do this, you’ll discover that there’s nothing special about your fears… but there is something very special about how you choose to grow from them.
