On reading a story in Women’s Health, I encountered a quote that raised some serious questions for me regarding affairs. “Infidelity is a gray area because different individuals have their own boundaries and ideals for romantic relationships,” Dana Weiser, Ph.D., assistant professor at Texas Tech University.
Dana Weiser’s quote raises the question of whether infidelity is a gray area or a black and white area. Is infidelity something up for debate or is it clear as to what constitutes infidelity?
When you view infidelity as a grey area, then many behaviors can be excused depending on how you frame and define them. When boundaries are not clearly defined, there are heated discussions about what is or is not adultery.
Arguments arise over flirting, texting exes, hiding financial matters and viewing porn. I’ve even had a discussion with a researcher over whether swinging was a form of infidelity.
I disagree with Dr. Weiser on this point. I view infidelity as a black and white issue. You either did or didn’t cross the line with your adulterous behavior.
What is a grey area is where you draw your boundary as to what you refuse allowing and accepting from your spouse. They test limits and you have to make your boundaries clear.
The point where you react and take action varies from couple to couple. You may have actually allowed some watered down infidelity in your home in the form of tolerating porn, trashy novels or adultery promoting movies.
In daily living, compromises are made in order to ‘keep the peace’. You may have compromised on things that allowed infidelity to creep into your life.
This in my mind is the true grey area. The cheater may have been fantasizing about affairs for a long time, yet no action was taken until they acted on their fantasy.
This is where having a support group can help you. When you get lost in the day to day busy-ness, it helps having another opinion about what potential blind spots.
Knowing those grey areas and reducing them lessens the risk of affair relapse. This is where the support community at Restored Lifestyle can help you in regaining your bearings. You can share with others and they can help you see things you may be missing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
