When to Accept (or Reject) Critical Feedback

Getting valuable feedback that enhances your performance is a rare and precious gift. We live in a society that tends to avoid giving this feedback. In fact, managers often fall in to the trap of complimenting employees for average performance. If you've ever been told your work is "fine," "on-par" or "solid," you should know that means you aren't exceeding expectations. In fact, you might be scraping by and your manager actually isn't impressed with you. He or she is opting to not share their disappointment in your performance. Why? Nobody enjoys telling someone their work isn't good enough. Managers don't want sulking employees who take the feedback as an insult and start looking for a new job. The manager is so busy doing their own work that having an average employee in the seat seems better than having to take the time to empty the seat and find a better person. So, they play it safe and cheer you on to mediocrity.

However... eventually the employee learns the hard way their performance is sub-par.

Ask any employee that has suddenly found themselves on performance review after years of never getting any critical feedback. Or, ask the person that gets laid off and never saw it coming. These individuals could have been warned via critical feedback their work wasn't in alignment with the needs of the company – and was putting them in jeopardy. Sadly, until management starts stepping up and giving critical feedback and business transparency in a timely manner, it's up to us to seek it out. We need to think of ourselves as "businesses-of-one," constantly seeking critical feedback as a way to make our service offerings more valuable to our employer. Think of it as good customer service!

Granted, not all critical feedback is useful (or valid).

For years we've been told, "the customer is always right." But, when it comes to performance feedback, there are times when you should ignore what's being said. Over the years, I've taught my clients how to properly evaluate critical feedback so they can choose what to accept and what to reject. (FYI, on a recent episode of CAREEREALISM TV, I actually walked viewers through the advice below. You can watch it on our archives page HERE.)

Here's what to do:

1) Validate the source. The first step is to understand what role the person giving you this feedback plays in the overall success of your business-of-one. Here are some things to consider:

• Do they make the hiring decisions?
• Do they decide who stays and who goes?
• Can they give you a raise?
• Can they refer you to a job?
• Do they have influential connections they can introduce you to?
• Are they extremely successful by your standards? (Do you admire them?)
• Are they a subject-matter expert in your field?
• Do you wish you could have their job one day?

If you can answer "yes" to more than a few of these, I'd argue their critical feedback is worth considering.

2) Write down exactly what you heard and how you interpreted it. When we get critical feedback, it usually stings. Here we are, trying to do our best, and suddenly we are told we could be doing a lot better. Or, perhaps even worse, that we've been doing something wrong. Our natural reaction is to get defensive and emotional. By writing down what you heard and how you interpreted the critical feedback, you can step back and see what's upsetting you. Better still, I encourage my clients to circle back to the person that gave the feedback and share with them what they heard to confirm it. You'd be amazed at how many times a client misinterpreted the feedback because their feelings were hurt.

3) List the reasons you're defensive to the feedback and assess where they are coming from. You will want to defend yourself when you hear the critical feedback. Your brain will be racing with statements like, "But, he told me to do it that way." Or, "But, I had to because..." There will be a lot of "BUTs" going through your head. You need to write those down and identify where they are coming from. Why? You'll find that some of the statements are based on misinformation or assumptions that haven't been tested, while others will be valid arguments. The key is to clear out any of the statements that are limiting your ability to implement the critical feedback.

For example, if you are upset because someone told you to execute a task in a certain way and now you are getting feedback from a manager that it's the wrong way to do it, don't get defensive. Instead, recognize you got your information from the wrong source (see #1 above). Let it go and be grateful you are now getting the right advice.

(Note: Some of us can't get past this step because we aren't coachable. I wrote a post here on Linkedin recently that can help you determine if you are even ready for critical feedback.)

4) Remember, it's not just about you. Keep in mind you will always have opinions on how you think things should be done. However, it's not always about you. It's about your customer too. You are a business-of-one who has to know when to take critical feedback and implement it for the good of your business. You may not like it, but if it's going to serve your customer and get you what you want, you'll have to consider doing it.

For example, there are times when we want to do a task one way, but our manager wants us to do it another. We get frustrated because their way seems more labor-intensive. However, this is a time when it's not about us, it's about them. Perhaps, there's a reason that we don't fully understand for their desire to have it done this way. But, more importantly, they sign our paychecks, so serving the customer and satisfying them seems like a smart way to keep our business running smoothly. Now, over time, we may earn the trust of our manager to discuss our way of doing it better. And hopefully, the fact that we did it their way without issue will make them listen to us and consider our alternative. The key is to earn that opportunity by incorporating the feedback and showing we can serve them well.

A final thought on feedback worth rejecting...

There are times when you should reject critical feedback straight-away. They are when:

1. Someone tells you to do something illegal or immoral.
2. The critical feedback is derogatory or negative towards your personal beliefs.
3. The feedback is delivered in a deeply condescending and intentionally mean manner.

That last one is tricky because I know some managers who have poor communication skills. In that case, their critical feedback can be valuable, but it's often delivered in a way the person on the receiving end finds offensive. When in doubt, I strongly encourage you to get a second opinion. Which leads to my last point:

Don't do this by yourself!

Always work with a trusted colleague, mentor, or coach to assess and incorporate critical feedback. Because of the highly personal nature of this feedback, we aren't equipped with the ability to objectively process it and use it to optimally. Getting help from someone is vital to the success of your business-of-one. You can't go it alone, nobody can.

What other tips do you have for accepting or rejecting critical feedback? I'd love to see your comments below.

If you want to read more of what I've written, check out my articles on Inc.com.

P.S. - First time reading my posts?Thanks for taking the time to stop by! Not only do I write for Linkedin, but I'm also founder of a popular career advice site,CAREEREALISM,and currently run the career coaching program,CareerHMO. I hope you'll check them both out!

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CAREEREALISM’s Founder, J.T. O’Donnell is a nationally syndicated career expert and workplace consultant who helps American workers of all ages find greater professional satisfaction. Her book, CAREEREALISM: The Smart Approach to a Satisfying Career, outlines her highly successful career-coaching methodology. Purchase her e-book of CAREEREALISM for only $9.95 by clicking here !

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