Email Tip About Privacy
“We reserve the right to sell, rent and/or distribute your email address…..” is another way of saying….we don’t give a rats ass about your privacy and will do whatever we want with your email.
Email Marketing Question #3
How many of those RFP requirements are you leveraging in your new ESP these days?
Which ESP is the “best”?
Every ESP sucks at one thing or another. You just need to decide which part of the suck you can live with.
Email Tip #34.56
Don’t forget..your subscriber is a real person, not just a number.
Welcome Email – Knock Knock
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Crappy welcome email
Crappy welcome email who?
I’m sorry..but welcome
Email is Dead
Of those that predicted or are predicting that email is dead, I wonder how many of them have bought something via email this week?
Email Sarcasm – Subscribers.
1/7/11:
CMO to V.P. of Online Marketing: Hey….why does the latest report say we only have 12 million subscribers.
VP: That can’t be. Going into November we had 13.6 million. Something must be wrong with that report
VP to Director of Email Marketing: Hey…the subscriber report is wrong. It says we only have 12 million subscribers. Can you check it out?
Director: Its right.
VP: What? How did that happen?
Director: Well..we sent 46 emails in November and 67 in December.
VP: So?
Director: Well….in October we sent 12. In September we sent 11.
VP: Wow…how come we sent all that email in November and December.
Director: We had to make our numbers.
VP: Who set those numbers?
Director: You did. You said it came from “above” We should have told our subscribers we were going to increase our email sends, but someone denied that.
VP: This is crazy….we lost 1.6 million people in November and December. But we had an incredible Holiday.
Director: Wonder if it was worth it. Wonder if any of those 1.6 million are high value customers.
VP: Lemme tell those folks above.
VP to CMO (after telling them the news) So…what do you think?
CMO: Can we send an email to those 1.6 million and ask why they left us.
Its only January folks…..I will be here all year.
Email Reality
We can’t create this email testing infrastructure you talk about….we will scare off all of IT with that request.
Email Predictions for 2011 – NOT
I have none. Just go out and execute and stop worrying what others are saying.
Email Sarcasm
I know we have a delivery issue….I just know it. My Aunt Mary got her email, but it got there 6 hours late.
Email Common Sense
The more time you spend thinking of excuses on why you are not testing could be spent thinking of one test to execute
Email Sarcasm #2
<Telephone rings> 6:04 a.m.
Me: Hello?
Them: Dude…its 6:05 a.m. and I have not gotten the email.
Me: What email?
Them: I normally get an email from you everyday at 6:04 a.m.
Me: Did you check your spam folder?
Them: No.
Me: Check it.
Them: Nope. Nothing. Dude WTF..its now 6:06 and I still have not gotten anything.
Me: Calm down. It could be internet traffic or some sort of ISP issue.
Them: Internet traffic..what the hell? Its 6 am..who the hell is on the Internet?
Me: Well you are.
Them: Dude..I just sent an email to myself and it got here in like 2 seconds. Something is wrong.
Me: It will get there..trust me..maybe in 30 minutes.
Them: 30 minutes..I can’t wait that long…people are going to go crazy.
Me: You mean they are going to set themselves on fire?
Them: They are going sh&t.
Me: No they won’t. Go back to sleep….the email will get there.
Them: I can’t sleep. The internet is broken. Email is broken and you need to fix it.
and on and on and on and on…………
Ever have one of those delivery days where no one gets it?
Words I can build with B.L.A.S.T.
Everyone loves the word “blast” these days. So on this Friday, lets have some fun. If I have you the letters B-L-A-S-T, how many words can you make with it. I will start off with a couple and you play along as well.
Happy Blaster Day.
BAST
BLAT
LAST
………………..Your Turn………………………..
Email Marketing Sarcasm
I heard recently that email marketing is filled with a bunch idiots who can’t send relevant email and that we are all breaking the law. Thanks goodness my Engulish dagree can payuff in the long run when I wants to get into mortguge backed up securities.
Mobile Isn’t Killing Email From The Return Path Blog
Here is a great post by George Bilbrey over at the Return Path blog. I could not agree with George more on this post. One of the things that kills me being in this industry is that so many people are willing to jump on the email is dead bandwagon so quickly without really understanding the history. I don’t think people are crazy for saying it, but they seem to say it more often and with so much conviction lately.
Folks….email marketing is not going away anytime soon…there is indeed a shift in how we as email marketers need to perfect our craft, but like anything..you either need to adapt or be left behind. Give the post a read below and let me know what you think.
Email Marketing Deep Thought
If email has one of the highest ROI’s in marketing, why is it that it most often the most understaffed and underfunded parts of the organization?
Email Rant #32.1223876
If the C-Suite runs your email program or sets the expectations, run for the hills.
Email Rant #409.84
Come on retailers….is it really the lowest prices of the season? Be more creative.
Email Tip #67.89
An ESP choice should not be made by people who will never use the application.
Email Tip #4
Don’t wait for things to go bad in your subscriber base. Be proactive rather than reactive
Email Deep Thought
Why is it that every single list broker out there thinks that they have the best list to rent/buy from? Doesn’t everyone kinda have the same list.
Email Rant #45
Oh yea sure…I understand..you want quality from the email list rental. Yea sure…its all about the quality.
Email Marketing Tip #12.3
Just because you get your emails delivered does not guarantee success.
Email Marketing Job Tip #2
Learn to accept that everyone else in the organization thinks they are email experts. Run with it. Have fun with it and let the good times roll.
Email Marketing Job Tip
Never get emotional about your program. Live and breathe it, but never get emotional.
Email Tip #976
Quit trying to find ways to integrate social media and email. It will come in time. Heck we weren’t talking about social media 19 months ago.
Email Tip #46
Never ever hide your unsubscribe. Give your subscriber the opportunity to get off your list.
Email Rant #398.56
Sometimes I find that the people in organizations who want to send more email are the ones that complain the most about getting too much email.
Email Rant #907
Sure…someone that bought a pair of socks 2 years ago from us would be interested in receiving our email. Let’s append them in.
Email Rant #1
Just because an ESP says they are cheaper doesn’t mean they are. You will likely pay for it another way.
The Scrappy Email Marketer 