An Unforgettable Tale About Forgiveness

I recently learned a story from a Menninger psychologist colleague of mine, Fred Shectman. Since my new book is about apology, forgiveness, and healing disconnections large and small—it caught my attention.

This is the story as Fred told it to his temple last Yom Kippur—the Jewish holiday of atonement and forgiveness. Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the year in Judaism

According to a Hasidic parable a king quarrels with his son, and in a fit of rage exiles him from the kingdom.

After a number of years the king's heart softens and he sends his ministers to find his son and ask him to come home. But the young man resists the invitation. He feels too bitter and hurt to return.

When the ministers present the sad news to the king, he sends them out again with a new message for his son. "Return as far as you can, and I will come the rest of the way to meet you."

I find this parable very touching. The king in this story did not have the false notion that sending back a word of apology ("I'm sorry") could itself heal the broken connection. Nor did he send his ministers out again with a request for forgiveness. ("Your father is sorry and requests that you forgive him")

The king performed his apology and remorse by letting his son know that he (the king) was prepared to travel as long as he needed to in order to repair the relationship.