As awareness builds about sexual assault and harassment, many in the U.S. are just beginning to understand the pervasiveness of the everyday sexual violence that has long been a reality for many girls and women.
When it comes to interpersonal relationships between men and women, in both formal and informal settings, it is clear that we have reached a cultural crossroads as the #MeToo movement encourages women to speak out about their experiences of sexual harassment and assault. As each day brings more revelations about male bosses, politicians and celebrities behaving "inappropriately" toward females, we as parents of boys have pushed ourselves to seek solutions.
These solutions invariably involve difficult conversations with our children. As parents, there is much that we can do to initiate substantive conversations with boys about the meaning of consent, boundaries and relationships based on shared power.
Address the hierarchy between boys and girls
Many boys are taught from an early age to believe that a hierarchy exists between males and females, and they are expected to climb to the top of that hierarchy. Perhaps there is no greater insult that is reinforced in our culture than to suggest to a boy that he is acting like a girl. The socialization of boys from an early age often involves the rejection of anything that is considered feminine. Qualities and traits such as compassion, empathy, nurture and vulnerability are largely discouraged.
As parents navigate conversations with their sons, we must recognize how these messages are understood and interpreted. In addition, we must consider the ways our society socializes boys to reject and loathe anything that is considered feminine, and how that can later be taken as an invitation to disrespect, objectify and dismiss females.
Boys who are taught from an early age to reject the qualities and characteristics that have been feminized in our society will be much more likely to become men who mistreat and devalue women in relationships and at work.
Stress the importance of believing girls
Despite the fact that nearly half of all girls in grades 7 to 12 experience some form of gender-based harassment or violence, most never report it. The fear of not being believed or being blamed often keeps many girls silent about their experiences.
Our conversations with boys should address the many layers of victim-blaming, double standards and risks that women and girls have to navigate when deciding to share their experiences. We must reinforce the idea to boys that three of the most empowering and supportive words that they can offer to their female peers are "I believe you."
Encourage them to speak up
As boys grow older, many will find that their identity and status are largely tied to their willingness to maintain silence about inappropriate actions directed toward females. Conversations must encourage boys to listen to their ethical compass when they are faced with the decision of whether to speak up.
Boys must identify the inherent privilege and power that exists in deciding whether to speak up. Boys must be able to recognize that the humanity of anyone, especially females, should always outweigh the social risks that might come with speaking up.
Engaging boys in critical conversations about gender-based harassment can be a challenging task for parents. By doing so, parents can honor the courage of women across the nation who have taken enormous risks by sharing their stories in hopes of fostering change for future generations. There is no question that boys can play an important role in that change.
Adam McCormick is an assistant professor of social work at St. Edward's University in Austin. adamm@stedwards.edu
Kris Sloan is associate professor of teacher education and director of the social justice living and learning community at St. Edward's University in Austin. Email: kriss@stedwards.edu
They wrote this column for The Dallas Morning News.
What's your view?
Got an opinion about this issue? Send a letter to the editor, and you just might get published.