It doesn’t matter if you’re a SAHM or working parent, however hard you try and get organised in the morning, your child NEVER will be.
Instead, she’ll always throw a spanner in the works: from screaming fits about not wanting to wear tights or, if she’s older, suddenly announcing she’s not done her homework despite promising she had. (Okay, that’s you screaming at this point.)
Which is probably why parents’ stress levels are 30% higher in the mornings.
A study commissioned by Allianz Insurance found levels of the stress hormone cortisol peak at 8.15am for parents … which is pretty much bang on the time you’re probably trying to get your kids out the door for school or nursery.
And three out of four mums find the school run more stressful than actually going to work, according to a study by car company Kia.
But there is a genius solution to making your morning routine easier.
According to parenting coach and author Judy Reith, the answer is as simple as spending 15 minutes the night before visualising your ideal morning plan … and then preparing for it.
Take a look at : The shortcuts that it's OK for mums to make
As mums (and dads) we wish we could do it all perfectly but often - real life gets in the way. We are just too busy and too knackered.
‘Have in your mind how you want the morning to go’
Judy told Netmums, ‘Change how you are seeing mornings and think about what you want to happen – reframe it.
‘The morning stress is often all about time. You don’t want your kids to get into trouble by being late to school. You feel anxious about the traffic. Alternatively, it might be you’ve got a big meeting so you absolutely have to be out the door on time.
‘All this means that in the morning there is stress – you racing around like a maniac with your children having no interest in helping you.
‘By doing something as simple as dedicating 15 minutes when the children are in bed, to organise the morning and spending that time packing your bag, laying out clothes, sorting stuff they need and having in your mind how you want the morning to go – it could make all the difference.’
Here are Judy’s other tips for taking control of the morning routine and getting out the door with your sanity intact.
7 ways to de-stress your morning routine
Recognise these common scenarios? Here’s how to deal with them.
1. Breakfast meltdown
According to the Office for National Statistics, one in five children skip breakfast. So even though mornings can be a relentless race against time, it’s important to make sure she eats.
Judy says, ‘Simplify breakfast – try and get her to have some protein that will keep her going longer, for example peanut butter or eggs.’
Seeing you rushing around can make your child feel stressed.
‘If you can, sit with her to eat breakfast – even if it’s just for five minutes,’ says Judy. ‘This will help keep the atmosphere calmer.’
2. Refusal to get dressed
It’s 8.10am, you HAVE to leave the house by 8.12am … and she is still in her pyjamas.
Judy says, ‘Your child won’t be that interested in getting out the door – that is your thing not hers. Instead, she is likely more interested in sticking Rice Krispies up her nose and playing with Lego, instead of actually doing anything helpful like putting her shoes on.’
Judy suggests making it easier for your kids – so, shoes with Velcro rather than laces, for example.
3. Lost shoes/ pencil case/ ANYTHING else needed for nursery/school
Judy says, ‘The world will not end if your child hasn’t got everything she needs in her bag. Which is why another thing that helps with the morning routine is to lower your expectations.’
And this means if she can’t find her library book that HAS to be returned, so be it. Or you can’t locate that spare pack of wipes you need to take into nursery – never mind.
Another top tip is to make sure everything is together so you/your child know exactly where to look.
Judy says, ‘Make it easy, and straightforward. You know your house and your child best, so keep experimenting with ideas until you find what helps you.
‘For example, one family might allocate a downstairs drawer each for all the bits and pieces per child, while another might store things in each child’s room.
‘Also keep essentials like school bags and coats together and somewhere easy to find. This might not be by the front door, which is often a bottleneck come nursery/school run time. ‘
Having a unit like this in your hallway could help you keep more organised. It has space to hang coats and bags, stack shoes and other school essentials. See more details here at Amazon.
4. Failing to do her homework
This can often be a major meltdown moment as your child reveals the homework she promised she’d done is actually NOT done at all.
Yet instead of frantically trying to do her maths quiz while getting your other kids dressed, Judy says, ‘If your child is older and hasn’t done her homework, you don’t need to take that on.
‘When you raise a child, your aim is to make her independent. That’s the goal, but this includes allowing errors, mistakes, and not jumping in to fix everything for her.
‘It means there will be times when she will have a difficult start to her day if she suddenly announces she hasn’t done her homework.
‘But the point is, what will she learn from that, compared to what will she learn if you keep running round after her?’
Judy also advises keeping the school informed if you’re trying to get your child to be more independent. She adds, ‘Sometimes it’s worth ringing the school saying you’re trying something different in the mornings to help her be more responsible.
‘Explain your child might be late, she might turn up with yesterday’s muddy sports kit – but you’re trying to make her independent. Mostly schools welcome this as they want independent children.’
5. Glued to the TV rather than brushing her teeth
Wondering whether you’re speaking another language without realising, after asking your daughter for the EIGHTH time to brush her teeth? There is a simple solution: get rid of the number one distraction.
Judy says, ‘Keep the TV off. In 18 years of working in parenting, every family I’ve worked with who has made the decision to keep the telly off in the morning has found it helps.’
This will make sure there is no distraction and your child can focus more on the instructions you’re giving her.
‘You’ve got to go through the pain barrier but it’s worth it. It’s about breaking habits that hurt in the long term, and creating ones that help,’ adds Judy.
6. YOU having a meltdown
With kids to organise – as well as yourself – it’s no surprise there’ll be times when you’ll have a meltdown.
Judy says, ‘If you do lose it, try to go outside and take 10 really deep breaths. Then give your kids an ‘I’ message. For example, say ‘I feel really cross’, or ‘I’m going out in the garden for two minutes to calm down because I am disappointed’.
Another tip to make mornings easier is to involve your child.
Judy says, ‘If you have a big meeting at work, tell her the night before. Say you have to be out of the door by a certain time, and ask her what she can do to help you. Involve her a bit more in what you’re doing.’
7. Realising you’ve dropped her at school and not even said goodbye properly
Phew, you’ve made it. But it’s probably not long before you feel guilty that, thanks to the morning rush, you didn’t say a proper goodbye to your child.
Judy says, ‘When you say bye and hello to your child, these are the bookends of the nursery/school day. It’s so important to be able to look her in the eye and say, “have a good day, I’ll be thinking about you.”
To take the pain out of the morning routine she says, ‘Everybody is SO busy, but everybody deserves a calmer start to the day before school or work.
‘Whatever age your children are, every now and again just draw a clean line over what has gone on, sit down and ask yourself, “how do I really want these mornings to run?”
‘Then think about what you need to change in current routine in order to achieve that and create a plan.’
What’s the most stressful part of your morning routine? Why not share your experiences and tips in our Coffeehouse forum, below.
