A few months back, I had a brief chat with this woman (#conversationswithstrangers) who I’m convinced is a modern day mystic. I can usually tell. She had a crystal clear way of speaking, an open channel of truth, and kindness with no agenda whatsoever, just an honest desire to share her wisdom in hopes it would help me.
 
She asked out of nowhere, (usually the sign of a really tuned-in person) “Do you know the difference between fear and terror?” Truth shuddered through my body in a way I couldn’t even explain, but we all know; the feeling of knowing in our core that what we have just heard is true. My ex and I used to call it “Goosiebumples” goosebumps from the truth being revealed.
 
“Splain Lucy,” I said, my recovering (or not so recovering) stand up comic responded with a smile. She smiled back. I did not have a recording device in front of me, but in short, my interpretation of the essence of what she shared is that: fear is based on current day concerns, rooted in possibilities that could happen and are not to our liking. They are real, not imagined.
 
For example, you are launching a new business and spending gobs of time, energy, and money investing in it. You did your due diligence, you thought things through, you have support, a game plan, and there seems to be some interest. And yet, you still have a haunting fear that you will run out of money and the business will not succeed. While not necessarily the best thing to focus on, that is a realistic fear. That could happen. You can have a mélange of taking brilliant, bold, and brave actions and working your butt off, mixed with oversights, impulsive, reactive actions, and add a generous helping of things happening beyond your control and end up with nothing working out. That is fear, not terror.
 
Fear is rooted in current day reality and it’s based on some facts that may potentially manifest. The great gift of fear is that, when faced head-on, we can grow and learn from it. It could strengthen our resolve, deepen our resiliency, refine our problem-solving skills, or even deepen our humility to ask for help. Fear can be a great (albeit not pleasant) teacher. Fear is in the present and rooted in the adult.
 
Terror, on the other hand, is based on the histrionics of our past, our gaping wounds, and (this was one of the most important things she said) are rooted in the fight/flight part of our brain (the amygdala) that knows only to warn us against imminent danger. Terror is connected to the part of our survival instinct that tells us, “get out no matter what NOW, cause your life depends upon it.”
 
Let's be clear here, I’m not talking about current day tragedies, atrocities that bring up the experience of terror in real time. I’m speaking more in terms of broad stroke distinctions between fear and terror that stop us from moving forward in our lives.
 
Terror, on the whole, is known for catastrophizing; it sends a red alert to our nervous system, telling it that what we’ve done (or in an cavemen terms) is dangerous, jeopardizes our survival and that we will die or, in modern terms, be humiliated, eviscerated, and on the street abandoned by all. Terror of this nature has no roots in reality, but feels extraordinarily real to that early part of us that never healed and still lives in a fairly significant amount of trauma. Terror, unlike fear, is rooted in our past, often fueled by that terrified child who, at one point, truly was helpless.
 
Over the weekend, I started to write a new piece (in addition to this one), and the term that came up for me is “our swiss cheese hearts.” We all have them, those places in our hearts that have small and large gaping holes. And while we may try to medicate (self or otherwise) or busy ourselves (often another form of self-medication) from the truth of our swiss cheese hearts, we will always be fighting the terror.
 
Terror is something that stops people in its track and is often rooted in unaddressed shame and old stories that no longer serve us. Add a layer of past abuse, neglect, and annihilation and we’re off to the terror races.
 
This brief conversation with this wonderful woman, in a way, changed my life. I started to look at the fact that while I am someone who takes risks and follows their passions and dreams, I still often “beige myself out” on a regular basis; a feeble attempt to stay “safe,” the illusion of safety, now more than ever before.
 
I’ve always known, however, consciously or unconsciously, that to be awake painful at times, is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. My mission on the planet is that of a transformational truth teller, from a place of compassion, wisdom, and humor.
 
I also know I have a boatload of dreams that are largely untapped or have many fits and starts attached to them. Most of which, would ask me to be far more visible in the world.  Not visible as in “look at me, look at me”, but being that much more transparent, saying what I see, and presenting powerful ways to shift one’s awareness, in hopes to elevate the world around me.  All of which scares the bejeebies out of me!
 
After that conversation, I really sat with how I’ve been playing “small” (for me) and that it's largely focused on my terror.  Terror tells us it’s “life and death,” terror tells us we’ll be annihilated, terrorized, and ultimately abandoned, which as a human being is, by far, our number one fear. Why? Because as humans our need for social connection has been the common thread to our survival.
 
So I’ve shown you mine (terror) now show me yours!
 
What about you?
 
What ways are you holding yourself back?
 
What dreams or desires burn in your heart and luckily won’t go away? Our dreams are our spiritual antennae beckoning us to move past the stagnant and stuck places of our consciousness.
 
How are you “phoning in your life,” rather than celebrating your full YOU-niqueness?
 
How is terror playing more of a role in your life than you realize?
How can you start unmasking the shadow of terror that lingers steps away from the new chapter of your life you’re aching to step into?
 
It doesn’t matter if you know or don’t know what to do about it or what it even looks like. But what does matter is that you do something about it. NOW!
 
How can this vital distinction between fear and terror transform your life and connect you with your Courage…Courage to SPARKLE?
 
I’d love to hear from you!
 
If you’d like to explore how my work can help you transform this area of your life, and support you in moving to your future “What’s next; Sparkle 2.0 version of your life,” shoot me an email at lois@loisbarth.com and in the subject field write: Let’s tawk terror!  I’ve decided to only coach a limited amount of clients, so if this is something that may speak to you, please shoot me an email.
 
By the way, working through terror (at least the way I work) is a very dynamic process that isn’t at all about gloom and doom, but rather freeing yourself up so you can harness all your brilliance, passion, and gifts in order to move forward in your life.
 
If you know someone who could really benefit from this article, be generous, please share it with them.