How to Parent Adolescent Children

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Last Updated: September 10, 2021

Parenting an adolescent presents a challenge that sometimes brings the best out of the parents and makes them better human beings. However, this is also a time which puts tremendous stress on the parents. Improper handling of adolescents can leave scars on the minds of the children which adversely affect the lifetime relationship between parent and child and may trigger unhealthy behaviors by both parties. Hence, it is very important that parents take all requisite steps in the right direction.

How to go about it?

Steps

Adolescence is a very peculiar and awkward stage in a child's life. This a stage children start forming perspectives in all matters. And it is based on limited knowledge with huge areas of ignorance and misconception. Determination to rebel against established practices is also often evident in adolescents. Handling them at this stage can be a tight rope walk for parents and this is a stage where many parents falter. Friction at this stage can create emotional scars which remains permanently etched in the memory of the child. Perceptions from these conflicts can influence behavior towards the parents during the later part of their lives, so it is important give a patient listening to the child's views. Try to understand their viewpoint and gently guide them to a clearer understanding by pointing out fallacies or fallacious assumptions on the child's part.
In case you feel that you are not able to get along with the adolescent, or there is no cohesion between the thinking of the two, the usual tendency to blame the child is not correct. The fault may be with one of the parent or both. There may be an ego problem. The best solution in such situations is for the parents to consult a psychiatrist and frankly explain him the position. The psychiatrist will decide whether it is the parents or the child or both who need counseling and take appropriate action to set right the situation.
This a formative stage when children form opinions about their future. Listen to them and give them a feeling that you are giving a good listening to their views. Put special efforts to read and be up on the topics of interest to them like: movie gossip, latest fashion, trends, celebrities, electronic games. Discuss these with them as a friend. This will help remove inhibitions and make the children more comfortable coming out with their problems. This will also give them confidence that you are in tune with the current trend, so what you say will have more relevance.
This will help you keep in touch with your child's daily activities. Participate in the discussion with their friends. Give a friendly poke wherever you feel you need to correct the direction. They will not mind it.
Nurture the entrepreneur quality in the child, giving room for exploratory do-it-yourself behaviors that encourage individual cognitive styles and creative innovations. This an approach that may, in time, lead to more incisive thinkers who can be creative in their thinking throughout their career.
Children in this age group usually develop attachment to careers and professions without full knowledge of the details for a particular career path or considering potential pit falls fully. It is the parent's responsibility to encourage the child to explore each career in detail. Together, you might list the pros and cons for a profession. Make it a game. You might try to come up with more pros than they list, for example. If, after examining all aspects of a profession and with full and complete understanding, the child insists on pursuing their chosen profession, then you should be supportive of that choice and work with them to ensure success.
It is very important to correctly assess the monetary needs of your child and fulfill them. Your perspective of needs may be too conservative; their perspective may be too liberal in relation to actual needs. A middle of the road approach is needed, a compromise acceptable to both. Shortage of money may lead the child to make bad decisions on how to acquire money or possessions. An excess reinforces unwelcome spending habits. A child should habitually make a realistic budget and periodically review spending with an eye to conforming to their budget.
This is an age the children are infatuated with members of the opposite sex or the same sex. There is nothing wrong about that. Always be supportive of your children, even if their choice of friends may upset you. Experimentation at this age is normal, perfectly normal. The parents need not get alarmed so long as the relationship stays within decent limits. With the passage of time the infatuation subsides and the child is back to normal. Always be attentive, especially when you suspect an unhealthy relationship. Be supportive of your child and make sure that they can always feel comfortable asking for advice.
Smoking and drinking are consider vices by some families and habits by others. It is better to talk about these behaviors with your children. Tell them about your own experiences. Let them know that they don't need to start unhealthy behaviors just because their friends do. Offer to buy the cigarettes, but talk about the long-term health effects and let them know that their decision to smoke is an unwise lifestyle choice. Teach them how to drink properly. They should eat something first, but nothing sweet and they should not mix different types of drinks. Let them test their boundaries at home in safe surroundings so they know how much they can drink without getting out of control or becoming a danger to themselves or others.
Certain parents exercise too much control over their children in the name of discipline. The children grow up in an atmosphere of fright and subservience. Such children often grow up with low self esteem and seldom become good leaders or decision makers. It is important for children to have respect for the parents but they should not be afraid of the parents.

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My brother is 18. He's not listening and rude and he likes to visit his friends. What do I do?

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He's an adult, and it's normal for him to want to spend time with his friends. If he is very rude to you, try telling him (calmly) how this makes you feel, or ask an adult for help.

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My son is fifteen years old, and he has stopped listening to me. He only wants to spend time with his friends and play with his play station. He is not interested in studying. What can I do?

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He is a teenager, so this is to be expected. Obviously, it's important that he listen to you and attend to his studies, so set up clear expectations and consequences to keep him focused on those fronts, but be more lenient where you can and give him room to do the things teenage boys like to do.

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How do I help autistic adolescents?

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Encourage an open dialogue. You want your teen to feel comfortable sharing information. This can help to normalize the issue.

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Too much of control and discipline is counter-productive. Moderation is key.

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Parents should support each other and make decisions together.

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Parents should not argue in front of the children.

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