Roger Federer's Diary: The Aftermath

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Roger Federer's Diary: The Aftermath

By Blair Henley

January 26, 2013 - The Day After

My emotions are still running high. That match with Andy may as well have ripped my heart out Temple of Doom-style. Om-Nom-Shivai. There were definitely some tears once I got back to my Royal Deluxe Super Star Celebrity Penthouse Suite, but I’m also feeling some anger this time around. Instead of weeping peacefully in my Wimbledon grass garden like I usually do, I couldn’t help myself from pulling out the soft blades by the handful.

What can I say? Losing is just a miserable feeling. It’s like waking up to the realization that my cowlick is acting up; like using a public john only to realize they stock one-ply toilet paper; like attempting to hug Mirka from behind only to realize it’s one of our seven nannies. It just takes some time to recover, that’s all.

On another note, I’m hearing that people are still flustered by my intensity yesterday. Here’s what I have to say about that:

Image schmimage.

Everyone needs to utter the f-word now and then, right? But the double standard just kills me. Andy gets to terrify young children with his language and facial expressions, and I get called out for dropping an F-bomb or two. He can go on court looking like a rotting banana, and I get made fun of for wearing pink. He gets to go a solid month without brushing his hair, and I’m expected to look ready for a state dinner at the end of a four-hour match. Madness!

My lovely wife, on the other hand, appreciated my temper issues just a little too much. Apparently she likes it when I “talk dirty.” Pretty sure she got the wrong idea. Regardless, she’s always supportive, as are the many friends who sent texts after the match.

Tiger Woods: Tough match bro. If u really want 2 stir things up, drop your next f-bomb close to the mic. Or maybe try spitting on the court. Peeps go nuts over that stuff!

Rafa Nadal: You play a good match. No? You beat him the time next. Yes?

Sam Stosur: Sorry, Rog. You may have lost, but your left arm was looking uncharacteristically muscular. #silverlining

Gavin and Gwen: Roggeeerrr! Rock on! When we’re having a bad day, we like to put our eyeliner on extra thick. U should try it!

Anna Wintour: You put on a proper show, Mr. Federer. Not quite sure what I think about that undershirt, but we can discuss later.

Pippa Middleton: Good try, Roger! I must say, your bum was looking spectacular tonight.

January 27, 2013

No entry.

Januray 28, 2013

I woke this morning to a gift basket at my doorstep. I opened the card first.

Roger,

Many thanks to you, my friend. Let’s be honest, I probably would have won anyway, but you did a spectacular job of tiring out my friend Andy in the semis. His team is obviously not as skilled as mine when it comes to raising the dead. Regardless, I have sent you a little thank you.

Inside you’ll find a year’s supply of Pixy Stix. They are my secret weapon, my friend, and I want to share them with you, The Greatest. Also, I have included some of my extra Uniqlo shirts. I know you cannot wear them, seeing as how Nike pays you $743 million each year, but I thought you might want some spares so you could try ripping them off. My friend, you’ll love the feeling. Though I do recommend grooming your chest hair if you decide to do it in public.

Your Friend,

Nole

Pixy Stix. Who would have thought? Can’t wait to give those things a try. I’m feeling better already.

______

To read previous entries in Roger's diary, see here: "A Magical Journey Begins," "Pretty in Pink," and "Baby Arms."

Blair Henley is a tennis writer and a proud owner of a one-handed backhand. That, and her silky locks, are all she has in common with Roger Federer. Follow her on Twitter: @BlairHenley

(Photo Credit: Getty)