Lived Experience Forum

Good morning and thanks to @NikNik for introducing today’s forum.

The topic today is extremely important and one which , if you’re not across it, you should try to do so as it’s becoming a fundamental in the workplace …

Emotional intelligence in the workplace is our subject and to kick off … I have a few key EQ areas that I would like to you to ponder …

They are self awareness, self control in your life, awareness of others and management of relationships.

Then ask yourself, in relation to each, the following questions …

Self awareness – am I aware of my where my reactions and responses are coming from? Fear or consciousness?

Self control in my life – given myself awareness do I plan my life in a considered way, giving allowances for down times or do I mainly react to my current circumstances?

Awareness of others – when I interact with others, am I aware of their needs, my needs and the relationship’s needs?

Management of relationships – in trying to negotiate relationships, what are my strengths and weaknesses?

These questions will hopefully set you off today on a journey of ‘self discovery’… may sound cliché, even funny, but truly if you had to boil down the essence of EQ you would have to say that it begins with knowing yourself, and flows out from there.

For example, a senior colleague thinking he knew himself very well was recently reprimanded for not being able to make a decision and employ someone … there had been several attempts but he could not decide on the right person for the job.

In the interview he would begin by grilling the candidate then telling them how pleasant it was to work for him … then reminding them that it’s not all roses and how difficult the role could be … but then reverting to the positives of the company and the role … he played good cop/bad cop (think of the Lego movie character) in the interviews and thoroughly confused all candidates. And himself, resulting in … as I mentioned no one being employed.

When he discussed the issue with me he was flabbergasted … I don’t know what’s going on … I can’t seem to find what I want … I want a Tony Robbins!! (famous self help guru). Obviously we had not recruited for a self help guru we had recruited for a sales professional … ????

He was confused, out of control and unable to manage the situation.

Ultimately he never got back to the half dozen candidates he interviewed, leaving all candidates dangling … and himself looking quite incompetent as an manager.

Mind you, this person is a lovely guy. No one is saying you’re not a nice guy if you have low EQ .. it’s just that it becomes very hard to work with and get good results out of someone with low EQ.

Why is that an example of low EQ?

To begin with, a person with high EQ does not put a nervous candidate in an unstable situation (awareness of others), he or she has a degree of sensitivity when discussing something as important as an employment possibility (self control, awareness of situation) and a person with high EQ understands primarily that … when he or she is not 100% in control of the situation, if there is confusion or uncertainty an even greater management of the situation is required, with even greater restraint and higher level of self awareness to keep erratic behaviour in check.

So there you have an example of how people at work, albeit nice people, mess around with others purely because they have low EQ.

The good news is you can do something about it … it begins with self awareness.

Have you had any experience with Low EQ behaviour in the workplace?

What about high EQ in the workplace … it does stand out.

Where are you at with your EQ? 

Here are some questions to think about

Firstly ... I didn’t mention that the previous questions were adapted from the book The emotional intelligence workbook, J & D Dann.

Also I did not just out a colleague (the story is faction … )

Now … how did you go with those questions?

I’m sure although you try (we all try) to be on top of what we are feeling at all times it’s sometimes impossible to have a complete handle on ourselves and yes .. we slip up, say something we shouldn’t say or react rather than respond.

Perfection is not the goal!!

The goal of informing you about EQ is for you to develop it and continue to improve your self-awareness over the course of your lifetime. Hi EQ is a sign of maturity, level headedness … wise people have higher EQ because generally they’re older and have had the low EQ moments but learned from their mistakes and improved.

So we’ve established that EQ begins with self awareness.

If you can’t be self-aware you cannot be aware of others, it’s a fact. Even those who say they put all others before themselves are somehow aware that their needs are focused on pleasing others and they’re actually fulfilling that need as a secondary issue … but that’s another discussion.

Self aware people can SEE they’ve said/done something to distress another or upset the situation … a person with high EQ will seek to redress it or consciously make choices that internally address the situation even when nothing outwardly can be done.

People with low EQ won’t even notice anything has happened … think Homer from the Simpsons. Doh.

In order to cultivate self awareness … you have to start by looking at your motivations for what you do and say.

Is it fear? If so why are you afraid? 

 What’s the trigger in this situation that is creating fear? 

 If it’s anger … what triggered you?

Who are you really mad at?

More often than not it’s not the situation per se but something else entirely different.

After asking these questions, a person with well developed EQ will act – first internally …

How can I change my fear based behaviour? How can I understand myself better? Why do I feel so out of control?

Then externally …

‘I handled that situation poorly, how can I address it? A further meeting? An apology or just waiting for the right time to talk further? … or just letting it go but looking for a further opportunity to right my wrong?’

We have now come to the next logical step in developing your EQ  … awareness of others.

Some questions and statements for those in the helping professions to ponder …

• When I am listening to a client’s story and I am becoming bored/self involved/fidgety/sad etc.?
• When a client is not paying attention or answering questions completely or just seems uninterested for no other reason than they are just no willing to participate, I let that drive me to closing the conversation early and finishing up quickly?
• I don’t want to hear the stories my clients tell me, I’m really just there to get them a job. I just listen because I have to.

Have you been taking someone’s inability to communicate/understand you and others as a personal vendetta or is it just that they have super low EQ???

Have you had experiences with people who demonstrate a lack of awareness of others?

EQ in the workplace has been the subject of recent studies ...
One study looked at workplace incivility ... Here is the research:

'Workplace incivility is relates to 'discourteous interactions between employees that violate norms of mutual respect' (Cortina, Magley, Williams, & Langhout, 2001; Martin & Hine, 2005).

Such behavior can involve expression of hostility, privacy invasion, exclusionary behavior, and gossiping (Martin & Hine, 2005).

Incivility in the workplace is common and is associated with a variety of undesirable outcomes (Andersson & Pearson, 1999; Cortina & Magley, 2001; Johnson & Indvik, 2000).

Being the target of uncivil behavior is associated with lessened well-being, greater psychological distress, less satisfaction with coworkers and supervisors, and more avoidance of workplace responsibilities (Martin & Hine, 2005).

To date, there has been no published research directly assessing the relationship between EQ and workplace incivility.

However, there is evidence that high EQ is associated with leadership effectiveness (Rosete & Ciarrochi, 2005), particularly the ability to foster cohesive workgroups and to enhance the self-esteem of workers (Abraham, 2005). Further, higher EQ has been found to be associated with better general interpersonal relationships (Lopes et al., 2004; Schutte et al., 2001).

Together, these findings suggest the possibility that EQ may play a role in shaping positive social relations within the workplace.

It seems reasonable to predict that interventions designed to increase an aspect of EQ—namely;

- self-efficacy—in recognizing and managing the emotions of self and

- awareness of others - may reduce incivility in work environments.

- furthermore individuals with higher self-efficacy of this type may be more likely to recognize and ward off incipient incivility and be less likely themselves to deal with others in an uncivil manner.

What is exciting is that the research shows that there is hope for those wanting to develop themselves and it's using the relatively simple tool of expressive writing ...

The 'expressive-writing paradigm' as it is known ... Involves participants writing about their deepest thoughts and feelings relating to an aspect of life for 3 or 4 consecutive days.

Studies utilizing this paradigm have shown that individuals who write about meaningful emotional experiences, ranging from traumatic events (Lepore, Greenberg, Bruno, & Smyth, 2002) to life goals (King, 2001) to romantic relationships (Slatcher & Pennebaker, 2006) to intensely positive experiences (Burton & King, 2004), show improved outcomes ranging from better mood to improved physical health. Writing about emotional aspects of meaningful events may encourage cognitive processing, desensitize the effects of worrisome memories, and provide a sense of mastery (King, 2001, 2002; Lepore et al., 2002; Pennebaker, 2002).

Writing may also bring about beneficial outcomes by encouraging reflection and cognitive restructuring, as well as through the process of verbalizing thoughts and emotions.

As previous research has suggested that expressive writing is an effective method for inducing a variety of positive outcomes (Frattaroli, 2006), this approach may hold promise for increasing emotional self-efficacy.

The present study uses the expressive-writing approach to encourage reflection on the sources of self-efficacy proposed by Bandura (1997) applied to the emotional skills of employees.

😊😊

I've included all the references you will have noted ... It's such a burgeoning subject I felt it was important to show you there's a substantial amount of research being carried that shows EQ is now a fundamental component for all of us in the workplace

Do you think your workplace needs to focus on development of emotional intelligence in its manages and in its workers?
Have you ever tried self development for the purpose of developing your emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence in the workplace has great potential, when you're aware of others you will naturally create a more cohesive environment...
For helpers that also means having a better chance of staving off vivacious trauma, compassion fatigue and burnout ... Self knowledge leads to better self awareness and control which may lead to early detection of emotional issues related to V.T

For sales people there a greater opportunities to develop in depth understanding of your clients's needs and how they operate in the retail space ...

For management it obviously translates to better workplace relationships, environments and dynamics. Research shows management with high EQ are more effective ...

There's also the research that shows employers believe that EQ is more effective than IQ ... where intelligence has been more typically related to academia ... Emotional intelligence is about common sense and having relevant responses to situations and being able to cooperate in environments that require a higher level of understanding compassion and also the day to day dynamic felt within the workplace.

CareerBuilder survey research shows that 71% of employers say they value emotional intelligence(EQ) over IQ:

'With smaller staffs, higher stress levels and uncertainties around the economy, employers are changing what they look for in prospective employees?
Thirty-four percent of hiring managers said they are placing greater emphasis on emotional intelligence when hiring and promoting employees post-recession, according to a new CareerBuilder survey.
Seventy-one percent said they value emotional intelligence in an employee more than IQ. '

Back to that conversation I began earlier regarding the colleague who couldn't get a handle on finding the right person for the sales roll that he had going ...

When he and I work together we discovered that he had in the past had difficulty with the role and where as he had been confident in the past he was now lacking confidence with his recruitment ability ...

I got him to open up about the issues he had had in the past with the role and we created a list of the important criteria ... When we revisited the position description we realised that this criteria has not been accounted for.

The result was that we wrote the position description and position was re-advertise some time later he came back and actually offered the role to someone from the first lot of candidates ...

The example shows that good decisions can't be made when you yourself are confused and fearful ... And in a personal context this would seem obvious, you would have someone pointing this out to you perhaps a close friend or a partner ...

however in the workplace where you are expected to make decisions independently the use of the EQ model insures that your own misgivings and confusion about the situation can be quickly dealt with to therefore help you be more effective.

Equally having a mentor or a coach would help, but if this isn't available maybe a good idea is to use the expressive writing paradigms I mentioned a couple of posts ago ...

• Over a period of three days write down how you are feeling about the issue for example hiring a new person.
• Express yourself emotionally... how in the past it has been difficult etc
• and in doing this expressive writing clarify your own position in relation to the issue.

You just might find that in doing so you're not only clarifying the current issue but also beginning  to develop a deeper self awareness which will hold you in good stead for future decision-making tasks. And  make you a more affective employee, employer or manager 

 This forum has now come to an end ...

Although I haven't been able to interact with you in regards to emotional intelligence, I do hope that if you're reading this after the fact you take some time to reflect and deepen your understanding of your own emotional intelligence ...

 Please post your questions or comments as the forum is open until 4 o'clock and I will endeavour to provide answers or  it would just be great to hear from you and learn of your experiences ...

 I hope you have a safe weekend, until next Friday on the CareerChat