MLB Unveils Collection of Fun New Rules for 2013

Baseball is a game known for its fluid evolutionary open-mindedness.

Pitchers will also get to bring their own interpreters in order to understand Charlie Manuel. Frank Victores-USA TODAY Sports

No, it isn’t.  It’s an ancient practice kept firmly in place by old men who fear change.  Sure, it’s seen some cracks in recent years, and change is inevitable, but for every good idea submitted by common sense, there is a shriveled old fossil clinging for dear life to every relic, hieroglyph and scent from the good old days.

That ridiculous sentence aside, MLB is doing some tweaking to their archaic scroll of rules, the results of which will be read aloud by Bud Selig into a giant megaphone for a sea of fans gathered to hear the latest news because this is 2013 and this is how we communicate.

Hey, that sentence was ridiculous too!  Weeeee!

Jayson Stark was kind enough to bring us into the inner circle and reveal just what baseball has in store for us in the coming year.

• Inspired by Yu Darvish, coaches are now permitted to bring an interpreter to the mound to speak to any pitchers for whom English is not a first language.  Which kind of makes you wonder just how exactly they were communicating to this point.  Personally I think Ron Washington says enough with his eyebrows alone.  But I don’t speak any other languages so I’ve never had to rely on them.
• You know that play always works, the one where a pitcher fakes a throw to third base, then spins around and throws it to first base and totally tricks the runner?  Yeah, you can’t do that anymore.  That’s a balk now.  Also that never worked before.  The people who would get picked off at first on that play are the same people who think the man who has slowly stepped into the umpire’s position between innings and is now suddenly ripping his pants off and dancing with the Phanatic was really an umpire.
• Teams can now have seven coaches in uniform and in the dugout, in order to accommodate so many teams hiring second hitting coaches.  This is great news!  Somebody get Greg Gross on the phone!
• No.  No one get him.