One of the better-known wedding vows includes each party committing to the other “for better, for worse.” I have written in the past about how building a company parallels building a relationship and building a family. As with so much else, these vows in particular have resonance across domains. However, in both cases, I believe “for better, for worse” both under- and oversells the journey.
Better or worse implies some mild deviation from a steady baseline. As many a married person knows, and as you are no doubt learning as you build your own business, the truth is far more extreme. There is not a lot of middling ground with a step or two away to a mildly better or worse. Rather, your partner (in life or in business) and your family (whether your work family or your nuclear family) see and bring out the absolute best in you, as well as the worst. They help you to reach heights of best you never imagined and could not have achieved on your own. They also see — and may play no small part in — you sinking to the depths of your absolute worst.
This is part exciting and inspiring, and part terrifying and depressing. It is also 100% true. This is where I believe the wedding vows fall short. In them, each partner commits to love the other through the better and through the worse — but what is it the other party commits to in terms of those better and worse moments for him- or herself?
For the long-term health of your home and work relationships, I would argue that it is not enough to love the other person through those swings. Your job as a spouse and as a founder is to continuously work to increase the frequency and the magnitude of the best times, while at the same time working to decrease the frequency and extremes of the worst times.
The big question then becomes, how do you do it?
Commit to improving.
At Rented.com, one of our core values is: “CONTINUOUS GROWTH: We pursue continuous learning, improvement, and personal growth.” This takes many different forms, but the starting point is to recognize and embrace its importance in your life. Commit to yourself to improve. Then commit to your partner, family and colleagues to do the same. The truth is that a big part of why I write pieces like this one is to make a public commitment to work toward the objectives I espouse. I admit that I’m not there yet. Publicly committing to work to get there helps me get closer each day.
Public commitments and long-form articles are not everyone's cup of tea. That being said, the act of writing even for yourself helps. For example, each morning, I read a page of Ryan Holiday's “The Daily Stoic” and then spend a few minutes journaling on how I will follow the principles in a particular stoic quote that day. You do not have to commit to a lifetime. Start with today, and start today. Practice makes permanent.
Listen.
We can get so blinded by our own ideas and objectives that we miss out on opportunities to course correct out of the “worst,” and to steer toward the “best” sooner. When I came up with the idea that is now my company, I had no experience in the short-term rental industry. It was my outsider status and naiveté that allowed me to think about things creatively. Now that I am the better part of a decade into building this business, these creative ideas and suggestions for course correction are more likely to come from my employees than from me. I am too entrenched.
This has already been the case on my team numerous times, from Tanner coming up with the idea that became Rented Capital, to Cliff launching our Revenue Management as a Service. These two new business lines have helped Rented.com grow revenue by 5X each of the past three years. If I had not been listening, I, and my company, would have missed these opportunities to make our “best” that much better.
On this, having an “open door” policy is not enough. Not everyone is comfortable proactively coming to you with ideas for what isn't working or could work better. You have to proactively solicit employee input. I have two ways I do this that others are more than welcome to copy:
1. Consistent 1:1s with every employee. I keep a spreadsheet with the dates of my last 1:1 with each employee and make sure I stay on a continuous cadence throughout the year.
2. A more formalized “Brocket Hall Process” where employees, anonymously or not, can submit business cases for new ideas. This helps those who are shy but have great ideas get their ideas “heard” (i.e., read), and the company benefits as a result.
Accept that you are not perfect.
It is almost a badge of honor for people to say, “I am my own harshest critic.” Why? How is it helpful to beat yourself down rather than to build yourself up? Why do something that is far more likely to take you to a more extreme worst than to a more amplified best?
You are human. Accept this. I'm not saying settle for this (see “commit to improving” above), but I am saying don’t beat yourself up about it. Sometimes it helps to read about the failures of others who later became huge success for you to put things into perspective. Once you see their humanity, you can more easily accept your own. You can then start working to be a better human with even more vigor, determination and purpose.
It is work, and it is hard. As my toddler always says: “When something is hard, we practice.” Sage advice. Follow it. Your relationships and your business will become stronger once you do.
