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How to Handle Having a Bad Boss - Four Choices and a Cop-Out

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As I've been reading the comments made to my blog recently, I've been saddened by the number of people telling 'bad boss' stories.  Not surprised, mind you - I know there are a lot of people out there in management and leadership positions who are really making a hash of it - but it actually upsets me that so many thousands (millions?) of people are at the effect of these folks' poor management and leadership.

It also upsets me to see and hear how many people feel trapped and helpless in the situation they're in.  It's all too easy to fall into a habit of complaining, frustration and despondency - to tell yourself there's 'nothing you can do.'

As I see it (and this is what I say to our coaching clients), you really have four choices:

Change your boss. This one isn't very likely to happen, but it's not always impossible.  I've known (and worked with) some bad bosses whose badness arose from obliviousness rather than malice. If you think your boss might be in this category, think of the 2 0r 3 key things you'd like to have him or her do differently, and then think about 1) how to state them as requests, rather than complaints, 2) how to describe them in terms of actions vs. attitudes, and 3) how to explain why the change would help him or her.  So, for instance, instead of saying, "I wish you'd stop being so inconsistent and arbitrary," you might say "I'd really appreciate it if you give me a heads-up when you've changed direction on a project. Then we'll be able to get you what you need more quickly." This choice can work if your boss is unaware vs. nasty, and if you look at it as providing upward coaching: clear, behavioral, supportive, and not too frequent.

Change the Company. This is, frankly, the least likely to happen.  And, oddly, it's the one people focus on the most. "Why can't my company just....?" people say.  And they say it not once but for years and years while being at the effect of the negative culture.  If you really want to pursue this option, figure out who has the most impact on the company's culture (often the CEO and/or other C-level person; sometimes senior HR people, etc.) Do they seem open to change?  Do they invite input about the company? In the past, have they talked about making changes, and then made those changes happen?  If the answer to these questions is "no," and if it looks like these folks aren't going anywhere - I'd say your odds of changing the company are extremely low.

Adapt.  And by this I don't mean 'suffer in silence.'  That's what most people do.  By 'adapt,' I mean look at the situation as neutrally as possible, and decide if you can make it work for you. Can you find a way to work with or around your boss so that your day-to-day work life is reasonably pleasant and satisfying? This may require creating new work relationships that make it so you have less reliance on your boss, and it may involve working on your own self-talk, so that you don't daily fall into negative mental spirals.

Leave. Seriously, if you can't change your boss, and you can't change the company, and you can't adapt - dust off your resume. I don't mean leave in a huff, Office Space style. I mean begin to prepare your exit plan. Figure out how to transition into a new job without putting yourself into an untenable financial position. It could even be a new job in your same company with a better boss. This choice may be tough, but it's almost never impossible.  All too often, when I've gone through the first three choices with people, and we've decided none of them will work - they then say..."Oh, but you don't understand - I can't leave." And they give me a whole bunch of reasons why (the economy, hard to find a job in my field, can't move, need the benefits, etc. etc.)  I encourage them to question those assumptions...because if they're true, then the only remaining option is to continue to suffer.

And that's your last option.  To keep suffering.  It is a choice, I guess, but it's a choice to put your destiny into someone else's hands - so I see it as more of a default or cop-out than a real choice. And it's almost never your only option.

I'd love to hear your stories of bad bossdom overcome - how you made one of the first four choices and created a better work life for yourself.