Parents looking to keep up with their kids on web

You may have set up parental controls on your home computer, and have access to your teen's email and Facebook accounts.

But the kids may still be outsmarting you.

According to a recent survey from McAfee, the online-security tech company, teens ages 13 to 17 are using their ever-increasing tech-savvy skills to come up with ways to hide their online activities from their parents.

In the Teen Internet Behavior survey, conducted in May and recently released, more than 70 percent of 1,004 teens said they had tricks for deceiving their parents about their online activity. By contrast, 45 percent of teens said this in 2010, McAfee officials say. Teens this year reported subterfuge such as clearing or at least closing the browser history when a parent is there and hiding or deleting messages or videos.

Many parents have given up even trying to control their teen's online habits: 23 percent of the 1,013 parents of teens interviewed in the survey said they have thrown up their hands and just hope problems don't occur. Just as many said they don't have the energy or time to monitor everything their kids do on the computer. But 32 percent of teens have accessed nude content or pornography online, according to the survey.

Yes, kids may be crafty, yet today's parents mustn't abdicate responsibility, experts say, because the opportunities for getting into trouble — and the consequences — are far greater.

“We hid things, we lied, we kept things from our parents, but we also had a lot less to hide, say, 20 years ago,” says Robert Siciliano, McAfee's Boston-based online-security expert. Kids “always have lied, but it's what they're lying about and the extent to which they're lying.

“Almost a third of parents are clueless about monitoring web activities. That's just wrong,” Siciliano says. “That's just throwing up your hands and saying, ‘I can't parent any longer because I just don't know what to do.' ”

Sometimes, kids will use a friend's Facebook page if their parents won't allow them to have one, says Abby Cawoski, 17, of Greensburg. Or they'll open a secret Facebook account.

Abby's parents don't have her Facebook passwords, but she says they trust that she makes responsible decisions and that she is “not just going to put out every detail of my life out there.”

“I think there is danger on the Internet, but I think it's one of those things where you have to have trust with your kids to make the right decisions,” says Abby, who is going into her senior year at Greensburg Salem High School.

As a parent and a school counselor, Tom Rossi of Shady Side Academy in Fox Chapel says parents need to be aware of kids' online activities, no matter how sophisticated teens are becoming.

“This generation of children ... is growing up with that technology,” he says. “The challenge of us as parents and educators is to understand that, embrace them and help them navigate those waters safely.”

Rossi — who is director of college counseling at the school, and teaches students about Internet ethics and safety — says parents should keep computers only in common areas in the house, rather than squirreled away in a bedroom. Parents need to have honest talks with their teens, who often lack the maturity to understand the consequences of posting things like inflammatory comments and racy photos online, he says.

“We encourage kids to live their lives with principles,” Rossi says. “There are a lot of ways to get yourself in a lot of trouble that will be embarrassing at some point in the future.”

With his own children — Samantha, 22, Nicholas, 20, Joseph, 16, and Olivia, 14 — Rossi, a Plum resident, has used Comcast's parental-control programs, and he has passwords to online accounts. Nothing is foolproof, and kids often find ways around parental controls, but “If nothing else, my kids know that I'm serious about it.”

Dr. Aletha Akers — a physician who has expertise in parent-adolescent communication about sex — says that kids indeed are becoming savvier about online hiding techniques, but so are parents. And they need to be.

“The risks these days are pretty high,” says Akers, an assistant professor of OB/GYN and reproductive services for Magee-Womens Hospital of UPMC.

While parents need to set rules and limits on Internet use, they shouldn't use scare tactics and strictly forbid things without any discussion about the whys, Akers says. Instead of saying that you'll get kidnapped if you talk to people online, for instance, have a logical talk with teens, as emerging adults, about the risk of encountering predators online because of the anonymity.

“Simply forbidding doesn't help them understand the risks and consequences,” says Akers, who has two daughters: Audrey, 6, and Ava, 2.

Siciliano doesn't recommend spying on your teens. That will only alienate them, and they are entitled to some privacy, she says. But that doesn't mean “letting them run wild, like accessing (lewd) photographs, downloading pirated movies, meeting strangers and bullying someone.”

He recommends products, such as McAfee's Safe Eyes program, installed when the parents and teens are sitting side-by-side, which offer a good balance between privacy and safety. With it, he says, parents can parent without constantly looking over their kids' shoulders.

“You want to give your kids a degree of privacy,” Siciliano says,” but the web affords them the opportunity to get into some serious trouble.”

Kellie B. Gormly is a staff writer for Trib Total Media. She can be reached at kgormly@tribweb.com or 412-320-7824.