Reddit Agrees—Mother's Day Is for the Mom in the Trenches

Ah, Mother's Day. An occasion to celebrate all the moms who tirelessly, selflessly, and nobly raise humans. Also a day to cave to your mother-in-law's demands about what she wants to do (go to a winery) and spend the afternoon sneaking off to the bathroom to cry because this is actually the worst day of your life—and you forgot baby wipes and those snack things your toddler loves so basically things will only go downhill from here. Well, maybe this Mother's Day can be different, because moms and their partners are speaking out on Reddit about how it's time we moms in the trenches take back this day, claiming what is rightfully ours now.

A very popular thread on Reddit was upvoted many times after a mom declared that Mother's Day is not yours any longer once you become a grandma. "If your children are grown and you're no longer in the thick of motherhood, the day isn't about you," the original poster said. "Sure, let's send a card and flowers and recognize you as our mom, but there should be more time and effort put into celebrating moms currently raising children."

Even some husbands were voicing a similar take on the holiday, with one taking to Reddit to share, "My wife and I had our [first] baby 10 months ago, so this is her first Mother's Day as a mom. We talked about expectations and she said that she wants the actual day to be about her from now on, because our moms both had plenty of Mother's Days and our nuclear family takes priority."

He went on to detail how past Mother's Days consisted of non-kid-friendly activities (like visiting a winery). From there, commenters shared en masse similar tales of spending the day being overlooked in favor of grandma's high expectations.

One mom who gets pushed to the side so her mother-in-law can shine on Mother's Day lamented in another Reddit post, "After I had our first child I thought things would change a bit. But they didn't. His mother is the focus of the day, and all activities revolve around her."

The poster went on to say she'd like a separate day devoted to her, but a grandma weighed in with an even better idea: sharing. "I don't raise kids anymore, so I appreciate a card from my son, but his job is to give his wife a good Mother's Day." The self-proclaimed "old grandma" added, "His mom can be the one who waits. She's not raising kids anymore."

In that vein, if you have young kids, it's not like they can go out and buy you a gift or plan breakfast in bed—unless you count breastfeeding. Which puts the onus on a partner in many cases to give you a day that feels special and doesn't involve you catering to everyone else (like your MIL), like you do every other day of the year.

Of course, as plenty of Redditors pointed out, once a mom, always a mom, and if there's a way to make multiple generations of mothers happy on the same day, that would be the best case scenario. Some commenters even confided that they'd lost their mothers and wish more than ever they could still be with them on Mother's Day. In other words, those of us who are lucky enough to still have our moms should focus more on that than who gets the most attention on the big day. Food for thought—as long as we pick the restaurant!

Or, we can emulate what one mom said is her approach to Mother's Day. "What I do is spend the day focused on my daughter since she's who makes me a mother," she wrote. Which may end the debate once and for all. Because at the end of the day, we moms know that no matter what the plan is this Mother's Day, where we end up going, what we plan or if we are the center of attention or our mom or MIL is, ultimately, the kids will end up getting what they want anyway.