Whether you’re presenting on stage or networking at a trade conference, discussing a project with a co-worker or detecting someone’s lie, body language is often the key to creating, or uncovering, the real meaning of a message.
Body language became a significant part of your life long before you said your first word. In his book Silent Messages, Professor Albert Mehrabian concludes that 55 percent of communication actually takes place through body language. People intuitively and instantaneously develop a perception in the first moments they see you, and body language builds, confirms, or dispels those impressions.
With this in mind, here are a few feelings you may have experienced while watching other people around the office, or everyone else may have felt while watching you! Use this information to improve your understanding of the world around you and increase the effectiveness of your own credibility, communication, and negotiation skills.
You’re either lying, or incredibly nervous
Poor or no eye contact can be symptomatic of a lie, nervousness, or fear in Western cultures. Other signals include sweating, shaking, licking lips, and moving the hand to the face to cover the mouth or eyes.
Unfortunately, lying can sometimes be confused with a bad case of the butterflies, but it also makes perfect sense. When someone lies, they usually don’t have confidence in their message and their body reveals that. When you’re nervous, you just lack self-assurance and it shows.
Headed straight to the top
Charisma. Energy. Eye contact. Open body language. These are the signals of success, and of someone who knows how to communicate well with their body. They come up to you with an assertive handshake, can sit calmly while still exerting energy, align themselves with the room when speaking, and are in complete control of their movements and gestures. I talked about Anthony Robbins in my last post, and he is a great example of a person who has mastered these skills.
WARNING: contents are boiling
Imagine a person whose lips are pursed tightly, feet firmly on the ground, and crossed arms. You’re trying to have a conversation when suddenly he points a finger right at you and his face begins to flush red. This is the point where you either get ready for battle or look to defuse the situation as quickly as possible.
Yawn…
You can detect boredom from a mile away. When people go into standby mode, they tend to focus on the important things, such as drawing squiggles, staring off into space, or reading the words on their pen. Boredom is difficult to hide because it represents a conflict between one’s unconscious desires and physical presence.
Look for the placid facial expressions or the person who hasn’t made eye contact for the last 20 minutes, and then check for a pulse or signs of life.
Why don’t you just roll over?
A submissive person’s body language displays helplessness. The physical signs of an overly-forgiving person manifest when a person is anxious and wants to avoid any sort of criticism or conflict. They tend to have a sheepish look on their face, remain relatively still to avoid drawing attention to themselves, and may keep their face pointed downwards.
You’ve got my attention
Interest manifests itself with strong eye contact, nodding, and leaning forward towards the subject. What this doesn’t involve is checking your smartphone sneakily underneath the table or repeatedly glancing at your watch.
Often times we passively listen or watch, but we don’t really take it in, process it, and store the information. When you’ve got someone’s attention, they are being proactive recipients and show proactive body language.
How Body Language Reveals the Real You
Body language is an often-overlooked element of communication that is crucial to supporting your spoken words and message. Although most of the time it occurs automatically, you can learn to actively manage your postures, facial expressions, and gestures, and it can have an incredibly powerful effect on your ability to communicate. Master your own body language and you will certainly develop a deeper understanding of the people around you and drastically improve the impact of your in-person persuasiveness.
Keld Jensen is an expert on trust, negotiation, leadership, and communication. To learn more, visit www.KeldJensen.com and sign up for his “Power Bargaining” newsletter.
