The secret to… helping your bereaved parent

Offer to notify others. Your parent might lack the energy or strength to break the news to family and friends, especially if they’re having to repeat the circumstances of an unexpected death. Compile a contact list together, then make calls/send messages on their behalf. Be around to answer if people are calling with condolences and your mother or father isn’t up to talking.

Accept the way they’re grieving, however it manifests itself. Whether they’re trying to keep busy and carry on more than you think they should, or crying constantly, remember there’s no normal way to grieve.

Ensure they’re eating enough and, ideally, exercising. Exercise has powerful mood-boosting effects. Suggest small ways your parent can add more movement to their days and join them when you can, even just for a gentle stroll and a chat.

Professional and social support can play a major role in lifting the depression that often accompanies grief. They might not feel like it initially, but try to connect them to other people and limit the time they’re alone. Seek out bereavement support and groups that fit with their hobbies. Is there an interest from their younger days that they could reignite?

Watch out for the lull – when the initial rallying round subsides, it’s important to be there (by Skype if you don’t live nearby). Get them a pile of new books, some music or a box set they might like, provide art or craft materials, or suggest making memory boxes.

Don’t neglect yourself. In the flurry of caring for your parent, don’t forget to look after you – you’re grieving too.