As we discussed, Jessica Simpson has written a memoir called Open Book. She details suffering through childhood sexual abuse and how she struggled with addiction to alcohol and prescription pills. She had a come-to-Jesus moment on Halloween in 2017 and she’s been sober ever since. People Mag and Page Six had additional excerpts from her book, and it looks like she discussed her relationship with John Mayer in detail. They met in early 2005 and dated for about two years. Mayer was her first big romance following her divorce from Nick Lachey and Mayer sounds like he was a complete douchebag to her. Some highlights:
He began writing to her soon after they met: The notes quickly became more intimate, and after she divorced Nick Lachey in late 2005, she began dating other men. But as she writes, Mayer told her “he wanted to have all of me or nothing…He’d walk into a room and pick up his guitar and you’d swoon.I didn’t really know the man behind the guitar. And that was my mission.” They dated in secret for several months and she fell in love with his intensity. “Again and again, he told me he was obsessed with me, sexually and emotionally,” she writes. “He loved me in the way that he could and I loved that love for a very long time. Too long. And I went back and forth with it for a long time. But it did control me.”
The relationship was very physical & sexual: “The connection was so strong that he made me feel seductive, and he spoke about sex and my body in a way that made me feel powerful, at least physically. Where I felt insecure in the beginning was that I always felt I was falling short of the potential he was in me. I constantly worried that I wasn’t smart enough for him.”
She had anxiety about not being smart enough for him: “He was so clever and treated conversation like a friendly competition that he had to win. When I tried to leap back in and say something to add to the dialogue he was having with himself, he would challenge what I said and I’d get quiet. I was so afraid of disappointing him that I couldn’t even text him without having someone check my grammar and spelling.” The pressure pushed Simpson to reach for the bottle. “My anxiety would spike, and I would pour another drink. It was the start of me relying on alcohol to mask my nerves.”
She stopped talking to him after he called her “sexual napalm” in a 2010 Playboy interview. “He thought that was what I wanted to be called. I was floored and embarrassed that my grandmother was actually gonna read that. A woman and how they are in bed is not something that is ever talked about. It was shocking.” The hardest part was learning Mayer had broken her trust. “He was the most loyal person on the planet and when I read that he wasn’t, that was it for me. I erased his number. He made it easy for me to walk away.”
Ah, the infamous “sexual napalm” Playboy interview. I remember covering that in pieces because Mayer said so much about all of his exes. Mayer was – and probably still is – a total tea-spilling gossip. He was trying to compliment Jessica though – he was trying to praise her as, like, the sexiest woman he had ever been with. It was funny because he and Jennifer Aniston had just recently broken up and he basically said that Jen lived in the ‘90s and didn’t understand modern celebrity.
As for what Jessica says… it sounds like Mayer was the first guy she had ever been “in lust” with and it threw her for a loop. And it sounds like they were both trying to make their intense physical attraction into “love” or something bigger and more profound. She didn’t realize that Mayer is just a f-ckboi and any time he tried to speak, she could have reached for a ball gag.
Photos courtesy of Getty, Avalon Red and Backgrid.
Well, now I dislike him even more. All of my girlfriends love him and I simply don’t get it. I bet he saw himself as Arthur Miller.
This may be the best comparison of that asshat that I have ever seen. Spot on.
Yes! I’ve always thought he believed himself to be Arthur Miller and Michael Hutchence rolled into one irresistible package I can’t stand him. Ugh.
@Annakist. I adored Michael Hutchence
Agreed, David. What a prick.
I like John’s music, but don’t buy it. He’s sexually attracted to women, but doesn’t t like us. He works the misogyny hard. I get nauseated thinking about that Playboy interview and how he flippantly humiliated the women he discussed.
Hes attracted to women but doesn’t like them
That’s an excellent way to put it. Seems the only male attention I got in my early 20s was from guys like that. Sleezy pickup lines calling me baby or sexy when first talking to me. Ugh. We don’t know each other dont talk to me like that. Just a regular conversation, I’m a person
MTE, Christina. Whenever someone asks me why I don’t like him, I say I just cannot buy what he sells. I’m not simply talking about the music, it’s his whole brand of masculinity/alfa-maleness. Adam Levine used to do the same thing, until he settled down.
John Mayer is a flake and a loser (just like Eric Clapton) who happens to be very skilled at singing, songwriting and playing the guitar.
Agreed Meg, Lucy, and BayTampaBay. He’s a douchebag entertainer, but that type of guy thrives because men get away with that shit and our society trains women to take it. The you get generations seem like they are doing better, but sexual pull and hormones can make a girl do things against her own self interests, like dating a sleaze bag like Mayor or Clapton.
He screams personality disorder from the rooftops.
He’s obviously the worst, but I forgot how striking Jessica looked with dark hair!
I liked that color on her too.Very pretty.
I know ,I’m very light blonde and took a screenshot because I want to try this color!She is striking.
It appears to be her natural color from her childhood photos, and does look best on her.
It does look like her natural color. Very flattering.
Has he been single for years? He has kissed and told on so many exes I miss sure any potential gfs are very weary of him.
Was this post “chicken of the sea” gate? I really truly think an awful lot of people would make Jessica feel intellectually insecure. The difference I guess is whether the intention of being hurtful is there?
It also is so weird in a sense that family members are okay with their grand-daughter showing everyone in the world all the dumb things she says, and selling her relationship for a reality show… but the idea of her being a sexual individual is where the horror lies. And while I get that people don’t like talking about their sex lives (I’m someone who prefers to keep that very personal) it is so infuriating that a family member is perfectly fine with their relative making a fool of themselves on tv as long as it’s not related to sex.
To me the issue is it sounds like he purposely made her feel dumb. What kind of constant criticism was she getting that sending a text without someone else proofreading made her nervous?
I thought the description of how he treated conversation, as something to win, was so spot on and awful. Everyone knows a guy like that.
Ugh. Just, he’s the ultimate f**kboi
Oh 100%. I think it was probably a terrible situation. I SORT of get the competitive thing, because I do enjoy a good debate and it can get frustrating when you want to discuss something more complex and don’t have a great partner for that. But you don’t act like an asshole and purposely make them feel less-than.
When conversations are competition, that’s what narcissists do
Is this an attempt to call me a narcissist lol? Like I said, I only “sort of get it”, and followed up with saying there’s a difference between that and being an asshole to your partner. There’s a difference between healthy debate on something while having a bit of a competitive nature and being a piece of garbage. You can be competitive without being a sore winner or loser. You can be competitive without trying to belittle someone or make them feel like crap.
That’s clearly not what John Mayer did, though. He was the wrong kind of competitive, clearly kept track, and set traps. There’s a difference between that and having healthy debates with someone else who enjoys that kind of thing.
I was having a disagreement with a neighbour. At one point she said: okay, girl, I can see having the last word is important to you, so what’s it gonna be? what’s gonna be the last word on this conversation? ….. I burst out laughing because I realized she was right! I wanted her to agree with me..and she just didn’t. I was willing to go on…and on….and on….till I ‘won’. Her wit and my subsequent laughter allowed us to come to a compromise agreement and all was well. It taught me an excellent life lesson and when I recognize bulldog tendencies in myself during a conversation or disagreement, I recall her comment and do my very best to get a handle on myself. Sounds like Mr. Mayer needs to have a neighbour like mine…someone unafraid to call out (our) bull-puckey
No Erinn… poster was just replying that it’s 2 very different things.
Only in Hollywood would John Mayer be considered an intellectual. Lol.
I’m clapping. I’ve dated a couple o’dudes with John’s misguided sexual heat and inflated sense of self. The self-professed neo-philosophers of absolutely nothing. It makes me sad for women who get caught in these insects’ poison traps. These douches eventually know how to pick the insecure and capitalize. Blech. Greasy, slimy, cocksuckers (Deadwood — pun intended).
Amen, VV.
awesome
This is the man who wrote Your Body is a Wonderland. Can’t convince me he’s smart.
he wrote many amazing lyrics and melodies too. he has talent. douchebags sometimes do.
“He was so clever and treated conversation like a friendly competition that he had to win. When I tried to leap back in and say something to add to the dialogue he was having with himself, he would challenge what I said and I’d get quiet.”
I know A LOT of self-involved man-children who are like that. But I feel for her, I know exactly what that feels like (when I was a young, insecure and eager to please and learn 20-something once upon a time).
This. He’s not smart, he just gets off on dominating the conversation.
her description sounds REALLY similar to the lyrics of Taylor Swift’s song Dear John, tbh. sounds like he enjoyed feeling superior to his girlfriends.
Definitely in lust and not love. I’ve dated a guy who I was very sexually attracted to who always questioned what I said; it’s a way for him to maintain power/feel superior because you start second guessing yourself and feel like you need to earn them. I can’t imagine feeling so insecure that I would have other people read my text messages though. Taylor Swift also has a lyric about passing all of his tests in her song Dear John. It sounds like a recurring thing for him to make women feel insecure and less than him.
John Mayer is that guy from high school who read Proust once without actually understanding it. He goes on to quote Proust because he thinks he sounds smart.
…that’s all I got on him.
I’m dying lol 😂 Well put
They dated around the time I first started following celebrity gossip, and I still remember how Lainey (of Lainey gossip) would refer to John as “shame face” because he always looked like he was embarrassed to be seen in public with Jessica. That must have been hurtful for her. Like she was good enough to sleep with, but not cool enough to proudly be seen in public with her.
So yeah I believe that he was a douche.
I could see it being very confusing – being told someone is obsessed with you would make you feel powerful and in control and if you are attracted to them of course you would be drawn in and want to stay. But then if they periodically flip the script and make you feel like you are dumb or not good enough it would leave you wondering “which one is it?”
Omg I don’t get it, don’t find him attractive at all!
“He was so clever and treated conversation like a friendly competition that he had to win. When I tried to leap back in and say something to add to the dialogue he was having with himself, he would challenge what I said and I’d get quiet.”
Someone who can see that dynamic and describe it so well, probably doesn’t need to worry about her own intelligence.
Prim – that was my thought exactly!! And unfortunately, I think a lot of us have felt the same at some point in our lives.
I assumed she had a ghost writer. I think these are definitely her feelings, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she talked in-depth to someone more articulate than she is, who then put it down on paper.
Yep, that’s what I thought, too. This is ghost-writer stuff, maybe with a little therapist thought.
I dated someone like John for years. Complimented the way I looked, told me I was sexy, but scoffed if I had an opinion about anything. Woke up and realized it was just a control mechanism to “put me in my place”. (his words)
I am now engaged to a man I have known since I was 6 years old, and he never diminishes my intelligence or values. Men like John & my Ex never outgrow this cruelty, therefore don’t waste your life away hoping he will change.
I feel like this article sort of echoes the Taylor Swift song about him – the idea of him setting tests that you have to pass, and trying to figure out the changing rules to impress him. I think in general it’s hard to reconcile the ideal if a partner/friend/anyone who challenges you and one that makes you feel anxious. If you make a mistake, a friend or boyfriend shouldn’t make you feel awful about it – mistakes should be no big deal, we all do it. But it probably was even worse for Jessica because her being dumb was sort of a national punchline. I’m not surprised that the anxiety of keeping up with a guy who was making her feel less than and judged all the time drove her to an unhealthy place. I’m glad she’s doing better now and hope he rethinks the way he relates to others.
I remember reading a lot of while ago, that one of the pr suggestions for girls/women in Hollywood is: “not date John Mayer”.
That says a lot.
Right–John definitely has a bad reputation. He’s really talented though, but not a good relationship guy, plus he talks way too much about the women he’s dated. He’s got good looks, he’s an amazing guitarist, musician and singer. I can see how women would fall for him, but then things go terribly wrong. It’s happened with plenty of celebrity females already. As a result of who he really is, he’s earned a bad reputation, so I feel for any woman who thinks she can change him.
I can certainly understand not liking someone else talking about her personal relationship, but at the same time she talked about her sex life in interviews during her time as a reality star. Maybe she learned from that experience that she wanted to be less open to the public, but pulling the grandmother card seems a bit rich. I’m glad she has found a happier relationship and certainly seems more comfortable less in the spotlight.
I would argue that it’s not quite the same. It’s one thing for her to speak publicly about her own private business, and a very different one for him to go on about it when she clearly hadn’t given her consent for him to do so.
Except, if you’re talking about your sex life, you’re talking about a partner. It’s the same when a woman does it, as when a man does. One can’t be “speaking privately about your own personal business” while the other is gross. With celebs, even if they don’t name names, they know people will speculate about which of their known partners it was.
Having said that, I think Mayer is a major douchecanoe, in general, and am utterly baffled at the string of famous partners he’s had. Both what they see in him, and why they keep coming after knowing how he treats all the rest.
I’m not surprised to see Jessica pull the Grandma card given her family’s very retro sexual mores and public flogging of her pre-marital virginity which, by the way, I find way, WAY more gross than anything even Mayer has ever said.
It’s indelicate and embarrassing, at best, for exes to talk about your sex life together, but it’s beyond the pale, and borderline abusive, for parents to brag about their children’s sex life, or lack thereof.
Good point. I may be letting my distaste for her reality show cloud my judgement. I think I’m also sensitive to the “what would your grandmother say” used as a way to control behavior. She isn’t using it in the same way, but it still gets my back up a bit. But you are probably right that I’m being unfair.
I never got the appeal of John Mayer as a person – though I do enjoy his music. Yes, he always seems like a self-centered douche. And good Lord, that infamous Playboy interview LMAO!! I can see why Jessica deleted his number and walked away. Good for her, and congrats to her on her sobriety! I know from personal experience, that journey is never an easy one!
She is beautiful and he is grotesque…. sorry do not get his appeal at all!
The word on the street at the time, fairly or not, was that Jessica was dumb. Not only the Chicken of the Sea silliness, but on some episodes of that show it seemed like she didn’t know how to read. But after all, her parents were pulling her out of school all the time for auditions and all that, so I don’t think the poor kid at the time had had a full education. Plus, she started embracing the dumb thing and playing it up (anyone remember that cringey Christmas special?)
So that said, it would not surprise me at all if Mayer went after her thinking she was stupid so that he could get his rocks off making her feel small. He seems like that kind of guy.
Her husband is a Yale graduate and he seems to like her fine!
came here to say the same. I read an article with the producers of the newlywed show she did with nick. the film crew were flabbergasted at how, well, dumb she really was. it was not an act, the chicken of the sea thing was legit, not made up.
My ex bf targeted me because I was in starving student mode (yet came from a decent if modest upbringing; just had a rocky few years after my parent’s divorce and didn’t really have anyone truly looking out for me or guiding my teenage years) and he apparently had this twisted belief that some men have that my modest lifestyle would make me act like someone who came from poverty, which to him equaled that I should whatever I was told and absolutely worship him because of it. He also expected that from family members of mine.
He was super controlling and the fact that I had a personality, tastes of my own, and was strong minded was such a huge surprise to him. Too bad I was young and naive and the perks of our relationship were mostly amazing (seemingly), and stayed too long before I woke up to being abused in many ways. She’s lucky she walked away early on.
“So that said, it would not surprise me at all if Mayer went after her thinking she was stupid so that he could get his rocks off making her feel small. He seems like that kind of guy.”
Yup. The thing with guys like John Mayer is that they purposely date women they and others consider stupid or dumb so that he is always the smart one. That way, you can never tell that he’s really not as intelligent as he comes across.
I really hope Jessica doesn’t talk about Nick in her book.
She does talk about Nick and their divorce in the book, another site had an excerpt about it. Considering they were married for 7 ish years, I expected to read about him and it’s there.
She looks so pretty as a brunette
Yes! Natural hair colour is the most flattering.
Taylor Swift’s song Dear John about him seems to paint a very accurate picture of John Mayer and what he does to women. Taylor’s song echoes exactly what Jessica said. He gets a lot of women and has a horrible reputation for being a douchebag. How Jennifer Aniston dated him as long as she did (and TWICE for that matter) still surprises me.
Her description of him is exactly what I figured he’d be like. He can be funny, but he seems like the type to make jokes at your expense. And I remember him acting like dating Jessica was beneath him. He’s gross.
I can definitely relate to her. My intelligence is my weak spot. I developed a bit of an inferiority complex I’ve never gotten over because I had bad grades in school and I had a really hard time in college. I had this “””friend””” in high school who always teased me about this, laughed at everything silly I said and always refuted every point I had. Years later, I recall so many instances were I was actually 100% RIGHT and she was using idiotic rethoric traps to make me feel like I was talking nonsense. This girl was an overachiever with an inferiority complex herself (she came from a family of doctors, and she did great academically but not as well as her siblings) and it was not until several years past my graduation that I noticed the only reason she was my “friend” was because she liked feeling intellectually superior to someone. It wasn’t just her, frankly. I have so many flashbacks of people scoffing at things I said and treating me like I was dumb, and then years later I noticed what I said wasn’t dumb at all. These memories haunt me everyday, I’ll admit I sometimes daydream of encountering these people again and being like “SEE?! TOLD YA!! WHO IS THE IDIOT NOW, HUH?!” but then I remember they probably have no recollection of this and I’d just sound crazy.
Fortunately I’ve always stayed away from guys like that. After what I went through school, college and my mom, I have 0 time for romantic partners to pull that shit on me.
Ok so she’s not at his level of douchey intelligence but he’s not at her level of physical beauty. I wonder if that’s his thing, beautiful insecure women that he builds up sexually so for the first time in their lives they feel like sexual goddesses but then he whittles away at every other form of self confidence so they become nothing but walking vaginas he can’t resist and calls it a “connection.”
omfg your take is awesome
also awesome is this:
” She didn’t realize that Mayer is just a f-ckboi and any time he tried to speak, she could have reached for a ball gag.”
i nearly spit my coffee onto my computer when i read that lol
Yes, that’s exactly his thing.
This pretty much shows he’s a Grade A gaslighter.
Ew. Don’t try and excuse his gross behaviour as “he was trying to praise her”. Men like this are disgusting predators, plain and simple. Maybe not in the physical sense, but in other ways. He was trying to lord power over her
You are so spot on with your analysis of relationships where the physical attraction is so real, so strong, and so you try to turn it into love or you believe it must be love.
Been there!
Especially in youth, passion and lust can get conflated with trust and love. It can be very confusing. I spent years in a relationship that wasn’t trusting and loving, where I had a lot of insecurities like what Jessica is describing, because the physical connection was amazing. I just could not believe that the connection could be that profound in the bedroom and it NOT be true love.
We learn. We learn the hard way 🙁 Relationships are sohard!
I mean, that’s gross and we all know someone like that. I remember watching her show with Nick and thinking there couldn’t be anyone dumber in the world, but hey, it was a show… and she’s successful.
I always find it hilarious how when a common enemy is posted here all the comments are “I don’t get his appeal” “he’s so not attractive”etc well. I might dislike someone and still see why girls fawned over him… He used to have that bad boy-but i don’t care about anything – hipster douche – kinda stylish + MUSICIAN thing that women love and – he’s not hard on the eyes… not GORGEOUS but he’s not ugly y’all. Let’s be honest. It’s obvious.
Nowadays he seems like he’s laid back and just doing music though. Which is what he should be doing. Other than that, I really don’t feel one way or another when I find out a celeb is a douche at dating ( as long as its not violent/abusive/crazy/etc). His talent is not up for discussion – for me. I feel the same way about Leo Dicaprio… don’t care about him dating 20year olds.. he’s still a great actor. Even if maybe 10 years from now i think he’s sad and pathetic like I thought Clooney was until he met Amal lol.
He’s still quite arrogant though. I’ve seen recent interviews and he may be more measured in how he presents himself but he still thinks he’s the smartest man in the room. It’s not just what he said about Jessica being sexual napalm but the nonsense he said about having a David Duke dick when it came to interracial relationships. Also his stereotypes about black women as a whole. Gross.
“David Duke dick” — whaaaaat??!!!! How have I not heard about this before??
That sounds BEYOND f*d up- has he been given a pass or what?
Another narcissistic, douchebag, pseudo-intellectual, negging, Svengali-bro.
Thank goodness she walked away when she did.
Omg what a perfect description! @NSSB, you just described perfectly a man who caused me a lot of pain and sadness before I realised that’s what he was…
What a douche! She might be dumb, it was definitely written by someone else – that’s fine. I went through the same without being sexual napalm (she was so gorgeous)! Guys tried to make me question myself, my intelligence, my sanity! It’s sadism for me!
She didn’t realize her power at that age. I love you for sayin she could have reached for a ball gag….he would have loved it AND he’d be quiet lol
My whole thing is – being “dumb” is not a crime. Rumors were that she really was pretty lacking in common sense in Newlyweds years, and I’m sure her academics were in the shitter considering her parents started pushing her looks to the forefront of her career and probably neglecting her education as her fame rose. And don’t get me wrong, she has plenty of money to fix that if she wants – BUT
What disgusts you is the *contempt* these men have for her, even as they date her. Obvious with John Mayer, but frankly, you even saw hints of it when she was with Lachey. Like, you dated this woman. You knew what she was. You chose to be with her. And you’re going to treat her like garbage for it? Like, you set up this narrative where her looks are the primary feature of your appeal, and then you’re shocked when other parts of her are neglected because she’s so anxiously focused on being beautiful all the time? Even though “sexual napalm” is what you told her she was worth? Men like them are the worst kind of self-entitled pigs.
Yes! I always thought Lachey acted like she was beneath him as well. You married her!
Say it, girl!
Yesssss! Standing ovation for this comment. That was so well said.
He’s a self-obsessed man-child, a self-created troubadour of narcissistic self-love who gets his kicks by demeaning women into nothing more than sexual blow-up dolls to service his hot-air balloon of an ego.
I’m sure he was gaslighting her and making her feel insecure on purpose (although I don’t think she’s the sharpest tool in the shed either). He seems very calculating and inauthentic. He could just be a classic narcissist f”ckboi but I’ve always wondered if he’s a sociopath. He’s got that trademark thousand-yard stare I’ve seen on other sociopaths (usually mugshots 🙂 He’s also a big gross dork with resting douche-face. I never saw the attraction with him and I’m surprised he lured more mature women like Jennifer Aniston into his creepy web (younger starlets are easy prey for his type).
He sounds like an emotional abuser and a gaslighter. Never did like him anyway.
Remember his “David Duke dick” comment?. ..smh
Never saw the attraction 🤷🏽♀️
@ShirleyGailGal thanks for sharing your neighbour comment what a good life lesson. I’m keeping that in mind for myself also…..
“He was trying to compliment Jessica though – he was trying to praise her as, like, the sexiest woman he had ever been with.”
— This is the thing, though. Praise a woman? Compliment a woman? Talk about her SEX.
Cuz at the end of the day, that’s the only way some douchebags like him (and there are sadly so, so many) can value women.
It’s just another form of latent misogyny endemic to our society. A woman isn’t a PERSON, a multifaceted, complex, flawed human being like the dude himself… If he wants to f* her, all he can see is her sex. The rest goes out the window.
And the more she is sexually attractive to him, the more power he feels she has over him, which he then resents, so he knocks her down in other ways, to keep her anxious and insecure and trying to please him… Making him feel safer, in turn, that she will still be around to f*.
I heard he has a big d!ck, which is fitting considering he is a d!ck. Everyone’s mamas warned them about a guy like John and a lot of us dated one anyway.
She has grown in articulation and wisdom, so what if she was a bit ditzy/not book smart when she was younger? She obviously has great qualities and low self esteem, a potent cocktail for narcissist artistic types. It is so sad that her parents did not help her when she was younger, she is super brave to speak out about her abuse now. I always thought her first husband seemed like deadwood/not particularly bright himself so it’s not like she had much to bounce off of conversationally in that Newlyweds show. Can totally see how she fell for this douche, it’s the Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams syndrome. Sweet, kind girl who has her own talent getting sucked into the vortex of a supposed genius, at least Jessica was smart and got away from his b.s.
Jessica Simpson’s clothing company was making an annual profit of 1 billion in 2016 around the time that she sold it. She is a very, very, very smart woman.
I really do not think that her grandmother is going to pick up a Playboy and read that article…