A survival guide for working parents: how to balance family and career

“The obligation for working parents is a precise one: the feeling that one ought to work as if one did not have children, while raising one’s children as if one did not have a job,” a friend recently wrote on Facebook. My immediate reaction was sadness as it made me think about my own roles as a parent and a senior HR manager. But do we really need to pigeonhole ourselves to be successful?

For me, being a working parent takes its toll. I run out of my last meeting at 4.30pm and dash to the tube. If I miss the train, I have to wait another 15 minutes for the next one. I have to collect Emma, my daughter, from nursery by 6pm and I feel rising anxiety trying to get back on time. I hate it when she’s among the last to be picked up and feel a sense of disappointment in myself.

When returning to work, most parents opt for some sort of flexible arrangement. When I returned to work I wanted to meet the expectations of my peers and managers, while knowing that I was giving my child the best possible start and as much time as I could. But I found it’s not as simple as switching into mum mode the moment I leave the office. I spent my commute on the phone, doing work calls, replying to emails, making every second count before making Emma my primary focus for the next few hours until she fell asleep. After that, I used to be back on my emails finishing my tasks for the day.

I felt I had to justify my new working arrangement by being available all the time, resulting in a sense of frustration that I wasn’t able to give either work or parenting 100%. This was not only exhausting, but impossible to keep up.

So how can you juggle it all in a way that works not only for you, but also those around you?

Be honest with yourself

Be fair to yourself and make sure your manager is aware of what is possible and what isn’t. I don’t work Wednesdays, but of course I would end up working. Although I am part time, my workload has not reduced – in fact, sometimes it’s more. At first I found myself with a relentless need to check my work phone and reply to emails while looking after Emma. This wasn’t feasible and I needed to find a balance. I now have arranged to work two hours from home on that day off. It’s a more realistic an expectation.

Think reasonably about your working practices and be accountable

Demonstrate how you will re-prioritise your meeting schedules, administration or email management by working such an arrangement to your own advantage and that of the company. Do your best work, follow your passions and be confident in your experience and voice.

Set limitations

Use the support mechanisms in place – they’re there for a reason and leaning on them doesn’t make you any less efficient or effective, quite the opposite. With more than 14 years’ experience in HR, I understand that overcoming the challenges of being a working mum is not something I can do alone. I feel lucky to be working in a supportive environment that embraces my role as a mother and as a senior member of the team.

Talk to your manager to reset goals and priorities

Don’t allow yourself to get anxious about the unknown when a simple conversation may be all you need to set things straight. Forgive yourself for feeling uncertainty or guilt, as you’re not alone. How accountable you feel depends on the kind of employer you work for and whether or not they have great policies, role models and can adapt to change. We can all get swept up in the way things have always been done rather than creating new ways of working that serve a better purpose in today’s reality.

Back to that original quote: is that how I feel? Perhaps at times, but only when I forget to feel proud of being a successful working mother – one busy, fulfilled person rather than two separate entities. I hope I am not alone in feeling that.

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