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It’s hard to keep track of former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner’s many sexting scandals, but one of the latest, in which he allegedly sent illicit text messages of a sexual nature to a 15-year-old girl, got the attention of the FBI. When some emails of his now-estranged wife Huma Abedin, a top aide to Hillary Clinton, were discovered on Weiner’s computer, the story took on an additional aspect that influenced the election of the next president of the United States.
Fortunately for most divorcing couples (and for a scandal-weary public), even if their circumstances are just as sordid, the stakes are not usually quite so high. It is very unlikely that your divorce will become a question of national security, or play out on a media stage. But it is increasingly likely that your divorce will involve a review of your electronic communications. That’s why many women are now wondering:
What happens to emails, texts, Tweets, Facebook posts, etc., when a marriage hits the skids?
Well, quite possibly, your lawyers could delve into them. These days, electronic communications and online activity not only contribute to the failure of some marriages, but also figure into many divorce settlement negotiations—sometimes, with unforeseen consequences. Make no mistake: As soon as your divorce is underway, your husband’s divorce team will be poring over every detail they can uncover about you online—and if he’s been planning a divorce unbeknownst to you, this level of snooping may have been going on for quite some time already.
What can you do? Unfortunately, there may not be much possible in the way of damage control. Binge-deleting your pictures, texts, and social media posts creates its own impression of wrongdoing, and is probably ineffective anyway. That said, here are few measures you can take:
- Restrict your online activity. Some divorcing women deactivate their Facebook accounts while their marriages are in turmoil, then reactivate them when the dust settles after the divorce. Others simply post less often than they used to, and only in the blandest, most unassailable fashion. Take whatever steps are sensible for you to prevent online mishaps while you are divorcing. Never post about a new relationship, and never post in a way that might even suggest you are spending money frivolously.
- Change your passwords and security questions for account recovery. Make sure your husband won’t be able to guess the answers to those questions.
- Open a new email account. Use this new address to conduct your personal business from this point forward
- Review and tighten privacy settings on social media accounts. Remember, though, that if your social media contacts don’t share your concerns, you are still vulnerable in ways you cannot control.
- Keep control of your devices. Many of us share calendars and other apps across more than one device, and sync them automatically. While it can be convenient for keeping the whole family up to date, this can also mean that your text messages and other communications are not as private as you need them to be. You might also want to turn off location tracking on your devices.
- Consult your attorney. Some methods of digging up information about a person online are illegal; others are fair game. Likewise, some information is admissible in court, and some isn’t. Laws governing such things vary from state to state. Your attorney can advise you about the laws where you live.
While it is too late for many divorcing women, some couples now include a social media clause in their pre-or post-nuptial agreements. These clauses specify that certain information shall not be disseminated without prior written and/or electronic consent of the other spouse. It remains to be seen how enforceable measures like this can be, should things turn sour; however, it is a clear communication of intentions, which can be significant in its own right.
The impressions you create and the things you share online can come back to haunt you. As a divorcing woman, it is especially important to protect your reputation online, as well as in person. You can’t put toothpaste back in the tube, and you can’t unsend electronic data. Nor should you assume that it can ever be fully erased, if someone is determined to retrieve it. If you are even considering divorce, conduct yourself as if your every tap or keystroke were for public consumption.
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Jeff Landers is the author of the Think Financially, Not Emotionally® series of best-selling books on the financial aspects of divorce for women including, Why and Where Divorcing Husbands Hide Assets and How to Find Them.
Blog posts are for informational purposes only and do not constitute legal advice.
