Dating Tips from Pokèmon Go

I was walking along the road on a hot summer day in Georgia, trying to find an elusive little pikachu, when I bumped into this gorgeous guy at the Pokè stop on the corner of 3rd and Madison. We started talking about Pokèmon Go, but then we quickly moved on from that to talking about our jobs, our families our lives. We sat down at the coffee shop a block south and ended up talking for hours. Despite the heat of the day, and the sweat that poured down our faces, it was the best, most magical, first date I had ever been on!

And that, honey, is how I met your father.

Okay, well no. That is not a true story. I'm sure it's possible for a few people to meet by chance during the game. But, it's just as likely for two people to meet and fall in love while bumping into each other at the grocery store. Which is to say, it's possible, but highly unlikely.

However, I have found that Pokèmon Go actually has a few hidden tips on dating, specifically online dating, for those of us willing to look. Bear with me, and I will explain.

Pokèmon Go moves people.

It moves them out of the house, into the world around them. That is an exciting, beautiful thing. With the internet at our fingertips, we have the opportunity to be thoroughly entertained and comfortable for the rest of our lives, indoors. We can have anything we need delivered to our door, from groceries, to exercise equipment, to clothing. So, a game that encourages us to explore the world around us is just what we need.

And this is similar to how online dating moves people.

We can be happy, behind our computer screen, messaging people, content to wait for the perfect someone from the comfort of our homes. But, then, we inevitably have to move outside from behind the comfort of our screens to take the next step: going on a first date with someone.

But what does Pokèmon Go move people to do?

The environment of Pokèmon Go is your reality—your location, combined with some animated bonuses—Pokè stops, Pokè balls, etc. It is the world we live in, but elevated with some added perks. The technical phrase for this kind of environment is augmented reality.

Let's look at the pros and cons of augmented reality in real life.

On the one hand, the promise of augmented reality allows us to discover things we hadn't yet. It moves us outside. It gives us a new perspective, namely, what is the world like with this competition and these creatures in it? But, the perspective of augmented reality is not necessarily a good thing at this moment in time, especially in regards to online dating.

Why? Well, we are already predisposed to create false realities. Naturally, we want to present our best side to people, and in a world where we share our lives through filtered pictures and snappy, well crafted one-liners, we are predisposed to enhancing our realities already. Our carefully chosen profile pictures and thoughtfully edited profile introductions present us in the best light possible.

In conversation, we tell people the best stories, the funniest stories, the most exciting stories about our lives. We edit ourselves to impress people, to entertain them, and to show them that we are living full, happy lives.

And all of this editing is good, up to a point. People prefer to hear the fun stories about ourselves, as opposed to a detailed explanation of our morning routine. And online, we need people to see the interesting parts of first, not the crummy parts. You're not going to be attracted to a poorly-lit picture of someone on a bad hair day with the introduction: "Hi, I'm Ann. I struggle with pride, I have a flatulence problem, and hate cleaning."

In reality, if you met Ann, you would see that she is quite pretty, upbeat, and an adventurer. That is the Ann you become attracted to. Later on, you will grow to know her faults and accept them gradually.

But, in order to form meaningful relationships, we have to go beyond the immediate, the exciting, the exterior. We have to be vulnerable. Sharing some fun stories, and similar interests is a great way to begin a friendship, but we are much more than our favorite sports team, or the newest political tidbit, or even the latest Catholic news.

I have had plenty of friendships which were one-sided and left me unfulfilled. Either I would not share anything real about myself, or the other person wouldn't, and that does not make for anything lasting or satisfying.

As humans, we are built for intimacy. We want to be known by others, truly understood. And we won't be able to discover anything true about another person if we are both hiding behind an impenetrable facade for too long.

So take these Pokèmon Go Pro Tips for the road:

(and no, a Pokèmon Go Pro has not been invented that I know of. But feel free to take the idea and run with it. You're welcome).

1) Put your best foot forward on your online dating profile. Show people the beauty of who are in all your edited, augmented reality glory. Choose that awesome picture of yourself. Talk yourself up!

2) And then, set up dates! Meet in person, in the wonderful, screen-less reality that is our world!

3) In all of your friendships and budding relationships, take a chance and go deeper. Ask a hard question, proffer a struggle you have, get to the nitty gritty of a situation. Be vulnerable.

4) In general, use technology in your life to bring you deeper into relationships with others.

As long as you are using technology as a tool, and not an end, you are doing ok. But, if your time on your phone or a blog or a game is preventing you from having real relationships, it is time to take a step back.

So, the next time you are out at your nearest Pokè stop, and you bump into someone, say hi. Exchange Pokè tips. And then invite them to walk with you and go a little deeper.