'I'm An Autistic Adult—Here's What I Want You To Know'

“The early years, before diagnosis [at age 38] and immediately after, were very challenging. I thought I should be able to do whatever others do, but when I mimicked what I saw, it was not successful. I suppose it was noticeable that it was inauthentic and coming from a place of confusion and disorientation. It was also very difficult managing the executive function demands of coordinating not simply for my autistic son, but for my daughter and husband. I felt inadequate and shame-ridden. But now that I understand not only what autism is, but how I express it and experience it, I have a solid foundation of self-understanding and a set of verbal tools to convey it to others that provides me the support and services that I need to achieve my own, unique personal best.

“I have not ‘overcome’ my condition—I’ve completely embraced it, adapted for it, and accepted it as an inherent facet of my existence. Without autism, my son and I would be floundering in the unknown. With a diagnosis, I understand that I experience things differently. I wish more people understood that there’s no such thing as ‘high-functioning.’ The closer we are to appearing non-disabled, the higher the expectations are for us, and that pressure to perform is more disabling than autism itself. We focus a great deal on happy ending stories and lifting up the extreme achievers, but the majority of us are wives, mothers, grandmothers, and disabled people trying to find a solid work-life balance. And we desire relationships. We may not be the most attentive, and we may stumble in social situations, but the reality is that if you can be in our lives and on our terms, we are faithful, dependable, trustworthy, and loving—so reach out.” —Dena Gassner, diagnosed at age 38 (and currently seeking her Ph.D. in social welfare at Adelphi University)

Related: 'I Was Diagnosed With Autism As An Adult—Here's What It's Like'

“Autism is so different for everyone. For me, communication can be difficult, which many would never guess because I’m so verbal. But the use of a communication app on my iPad has made that possible. I want people to know and remember that progress is possible, regardless of your age. I am still benefiting from various therapies—I love learning and making progress.” —Chloe Rothschild, officially diagnosed at age 18

Related: 7 Things That Absolutely DON’T Cause Autism

“As a teenager, I became socially aware enough to realize that most of my peers didn’t like me—that I was obviously different. I wasn’t yet self-aware enough to realize what made me different. Anyone who found me ‘too weird’ would avoid me, and my closest friends were the other ‘weird’ kids who put up with or enjoyed my strangeness. After I learned about autism and got my full assessment and diagnosis, I began teaching myself how to adapt to the world. One of the hallmarks of autism that many people don’t understand is a lack of self-awareness. I didn’t realize my posture was hunched, I didn’t make eye contact, my voice was monotone, or that I had sensory issues. I had to see videos of myself and have specific traits pointed out by others. I didn’t know I wasn’t in touch with my emotions because I’d never tried to talk about them before. Over time, I systematically worked on improving my self-monitoring and social skills, and now I’m very different from how I was as a teenager.” —Kirsten Lindsmith, diagnosed at age 18