One Woman's Viral Awakening: 200,000 Facebook Likes And Nearly As Many Insults

I knew 27-year-old Christen Brandt before her Facebook post went viral, the post that brought in 200,000 likes, praise from friends and "go kill yourself" comments from strangers. In her post, Christen put her foot down in response to an unfortunate incident most women experience in NYC: street harassment. This story is about what happened after Christen went public. First, here's Christen's Facebook post: 

This is what I was wearing this morning as I made my way through a crowded 34th Street subway station, and a man passing by me said, "Damn, you have some great legs." When I ignored him and kept walking, he turned around to follow me, to get closer, even as I was moving away. "Did you hear me, honey? I said you have nice legs. Damn! Thank you."

It was the "thank you" that got me. As if my 5 inches of legging-covered skin were there for him. Given as a gift wrapped in brown tights. Existing in the world for him to appreciate, or not.

Next time you wonder whether your skirt is too short, next time you ask your teen daughter to change her clothes, or the next time you hear about school dress codes in the news, remember this photo.

I am in a fucking parka and boots. And it. doesn't. matter.

All women have these moments. All of us. And yet the world acts as if it's still our problem to fix. Get your shit together, guys. I, for one, am sick of dealing with it.

I know Christen. She’s the cofounder of She’s the First, an organization that educates girls in low-income countries (Disclosure: I am on the board of She’s the First). She earned her black belt as a teenager and still boxes, does muay thai, and teaches self-defense to women. And last year she got her motorcycle license as part of her resolution to learn a new skill each year. She's smart, witty and passionate about empowering girls.

I read her Facebook post and sent her an email telling her how proud I was of her for speaking out. Then the unintended consequence happened. The likes poured in and so did the responses that ranged from "go girl" to "I want to gut Christen Brandt." I asked Christen how she feels -- is she happy that she used her voice or is she wishing that she would have kept on walking?  This is her answer, in her words:

At 3,000 likes, you think that your Facebook post has gone viral.

It hasn't.

At 10,000 likes, someone – the father of a childhood classmate – has called you a “man-hating lesbian bitch.” Now we’re talking. This is definitely viral.

At 15,000 likes, you celebrate your virality with your best friend and a shot of cheap whiskey. But it keeps going. There’s a conversation happening here – a conversation about harassment of women. You’re grinning.

At 50,000 likes, you are not grinning as much anymore. Plot twist: Your message about street harassment provokes online harassment! The messages telling you to kill yourself, the comments about how badly you need plastic surgery, the emails telling you that your story is shit.

At 75,000 likes, you stop trying to count the likes. You’ve already told your mom not to read the comments and called your goddaughter, who’s jumped into the waters of your Instagram commentary. You sit down with your cat (because of course you have a cat). You start taking screenshots.

The post started a conversation. All of it was good – all of it. The ones who already knew there was a problem, the ones who angrily lashed out, and everyone in between. They demonstrated how bad the problem really is.

So without further ado, here’s a sampling from "Christen’s Inbox."

International recognition that this is a serious issue. When the story breaks in Italy you get no less than 15 messages, all saying “thank you!” or offering to tell you where the best mozzarella shops in Turin are located.

And there was this. English isn’t Roberta’s native tongue, but she is definitely speaking your language: Head raised toward the fight. Best line ever, no?

Women sharing their own stories. And this. is. everything. This is what we all groan about to our friends, but feel helpless to stop. This is street harassment. And these women? They’re over it, too.

Then, there's the really, truly horrible.

This was highlighted in my Google results last week:

And Everything In Between:

People who just want to give advice. This one is difficult, because a lot of the people doing it really do think they’re being helpful. But any advice directed at a victim of street harassment is a suggestion that the harasser isn’t the one to blame. It’s the woman’s responsibility -- or in this messager’s head, the responsibility of women everywhere -- to do something about it.

The #NotAllGuys cohort. Yes, we know. Not all men. Definitely not Kenny. Kenny wouldn’t catcall you, and he would also never try to rewrite your narrative in a way that positions him as an expert.Right, Kenny?

The pickup artists. Paradoxically, writing a viral feminist post turns your inbox into a Tinder for misogynists.

Take the compliment! The idea that harassment is a form of compliment is fascinating, especially when it comes from people who weren’t there to witness it and have never experienced it. Look, guys. Would you say it to your sister? If the answer is “No way! That’s too sexual,” then don’t say it to a stranger. (And, if a stranger follows you without permission in a threatening manner, nothing he says could ever turn that scenario into a complimentary one.)

Note to Brett: Don't call a stranger a dumb bitch. She may write about you later.

At 150,000 likes, you collect all of those comments and create a page called Christen's Inbox. It’s filled with the ones that made you question whether or not this was your fight to fight, whether or not you had the steel for it; and it includes the ones that convinced you with 100% certainty that yes, it is your fight. And then you post them for the world to see. You post them because despite example after example after example of harassment against women – online and offline – many people still don't believe that it’s that bad. You post them because you refuse to let the harassers have the last word, and because you want the world to see and love the people who stood up next to you. You post them because standing up and using your voice is the only way any of it is going to change. Head raised toward the fight.