I Hate "Networking", Don't You?

And yet I have met 880 people in person, in 12 months, many of whom have become genuine friends I am still connected with years later, and others a phone call or email away. Here is how I did it, you can do it too. Let me share my story with you...

I have moved to San Diego in 2007 from the east coast for the same reasons most people move here...and just like you, I love every moment of it. 

Didn't know anyone, didn't even know the companies headquartered here. I didn't care, could work with anyone, anywhere as long as I had an internet connection. Running my own marketing business inspired me to attend every event I possibly could, most were industry related others from complementary industries I knew my clients cared about, so in a very short period of time I realized how expensive that was and that I couldn't rely on the quality or value every time I invested my time and money...Took my lessons learned, made some amazing friendships and set off on a mission to control quality and give real value by organizing my own events.

The goal was to connect and become friends with 1k of industry professionals just as passionate about what they were doing as I was... in 12 months.

Notice I didn't say: to network with, I hate networking just as much as you do.

There was no long term agenda, I didn't even know what would come of this whole idea, but I felt inspired, so I did it, wanted to meet people and get to know San Diego to figure out what the community needed and how I could contribute.

I shook hands, drank wine, co-worked, laughed, danced, traveled, volunteered with and talked about technology and business with 880 C-level entrepreneurs. And I loved it because we had a common goal - to learn, grow, pay it forward & make an impact. We were fueled by a higher purpose than ourselves. Whatever I spent in money or time doing THIS, beat me spending that time or money going to events to network with a bunch of uninspired robots.

I knew this was an ambitious goal and being as busy as I was, how can one achieve that efficiently...so I figured, rather than me going to them...I had them join me by launching a free organization that focused on Innovative Web Technologies & Mobile and of course...how to change the world with the tools we were building. 

Every person in that group was hand-picked. I got on a phone with almost every person to learn about their needs and what they could contribute to the group, had lunch, dinner or just coffee break with ...I've invested my time and energy into building genuine connections. As busy as everyone was including me, relationships still mattered and have made the biggest difference. 

Yes, I am an "introverted extravert", meaning I can be extremely friendly and outgoing, feed off of everyone's energy, letting others feed off of mine, or stay home all week working on something I feel passionate about without the need to be around people all together or external distractions. You can be either to build genuine friendships. In fact it's a myth that only extraverts are social... if you are 100% an introvert but want to change that, organize events to benefit others and watch what happens to your life ;).

No, I had no previous experience organizing events on a scale that I've envisioned to impact the SD community and make a difference, all I knew was that I loved meeting people and helping them. I believed that was enough to make a difference and it was.

Shortly after I had about 250 C-level entrepreneurs attending the Kick-Off event which happened at Osetra downtown SD with free food, free venue, free music, everyone wanted to support us.

We were organizing quarterly parties and monthly round-table discussions with different speakers revolving around all aspects of business growth, 30-40 people attended each round table where everyone openly talked about their challenges and shared advice. This was successful for the 2 years that I ran it. 

Now I am helping to organize another awesome event with a great team from A4D called ABOVE THE FOLD, Performance Summit, if you are passionate about engaging customers online, and are always looking for good tools or ideas, love growing companies through advertising or marketing online and want to create real value, you might want to join us. Just like in the past, this is a free event, and just like any other times I've contributed to organizing events, I see myself doing the same things with this one, making sure that whatever we do, benefits those who take the time out of their day to attend. 

I have met some incredibly talented people, and was/am extremely generous with connecting people to each other, others started to call me " The Linchpin", a person with a pulse on the latest trends, happenings around town and people. And that was actually the case, I did, I still do but on a much smaller level. I knew who was growing, who was hiring, what companies were launching, technologies being built, I helped them grow their businesses, and my own business grew because people trusted my intentions..it was awesome, exciting, and very exhausting. One doesn't know the efforts that go into organizing events until they start organizing events ;), I'm thankful for not knowing until I was deep into it because I might have not done it at all feeling intimidated, missing this opportunity all together but I used the unknown to fuel me. These free events have become my second full time job which I wasn't getting paid for, yet the rewards went beyond cash.

For someone new in town this was the best opportunity to meet people. To have CEOs and VP level decision makers from companies like Qualcomm, biotech industry, successful and emerging startups attend round table discussions was something that SD didn't have back then and it made my life exciting to interact with that many people, have real, genuine purpose to make our community better. I was able to contribute in the way I knew best, by connecting people to one another so they could grow together. I loved it, still do and so did they as they kept coming back.

Years later, many of these people are still my closest friends, friends who have hosted me in their homes when I traveled around the states, connected me with their best industry contacts...friends I can trust and who trust me to always have their best in mind...people I respect...professionals who respect me. I'm thankful for that, this is a rate gift I treasure every day and THAT not the money, was the best thing that came out of me giving my best– genuine friendships that have enriched my life beyond a sale.

There were few reasons why this was so successful and why you might want to try that next time you go to "network" to an event or want to organize an event: 

1. GIVE FREELY: 
Have 1 agenda and that is to connect and offer your best energy, resources and knowledge, rather than go with the "what's in it for me" approach. The latter makes you impatient, desperate, bored/boring and aggressive. The former will leave the person feeling they have benefited from meeting you, and you will go home feeling useful, interesting, knowledgeable not to mention you've made a friend who now desires to return the same favor. Both of you will gain trust and respect from this approach. 

2. ASK QUESTIONS: 
Focus on learning, then sharing: Ask genuine, open ended questions, get to know the other person. Make it interesting and memorable. Shift from needing to tell them how great you are, when you make the other person feel important and actually learn about their problems, you will be able to provide your best advice - a solution to their problem that is not focused on what you want out of this connection but what benefits them the most...isn't that what we want for all of our clients anyways? Build bonds one solution at a time.

3. DON'T SELL:
We have all been there, you exchange names, titles, shake hands and the other person goes straight for the kill. What happens? you get instantly turned off right? You don't trust them (yet) to know what you want or need. Don't you hate that? I know I do. As much as I can be aggressive when need to, there's time and place for everything, interestingly enough, and perhaps to your surprise, "networking events" are not organized for you to make sales, they are there for you to connect on a human level with others to establish trust, exchange knowledge, resources and be each other's "Linchpins". 

Ask for their information not to spam or sell to them, at the first chance you get, but to continue the connection you've started. Genuine chemistry is so rare. Don't add them to your newsletters, don't send them unsolicited info about your products...If they care and want more information, trust me they will ask for it, we all find and get what we want when we want it. The only reason you want to take their information is to thank them for the great conversation you two had, reference something from the conversations about them that have made it memorable and ask if you can connect with them on Linkedin. Be interested in order to become interesting. 

4. 5:1 RULE:
There's a rule that most successful Linchpins follow - Give 5 times before you ask once. This rule applies for any interpersonal relationships but especially in business and cities with the small mentality approach such as San Diego, people want to get to know you, see if they can trust you before doing business with you, Try to be helpful first, don't worry about getting anything out of it, naturally it will come back to you and if it doesn't, it's ok, be happy you were able to be there for someone else.

5. HAVE INTEGRITY: 
Without integrity and the belief in what you're doing, you will not be able to grow. People don't buy stuff...they buy relationships, they buy convictions, trust, honesty, and your beliefs. To stand out, make sure that you know who you are, what you're passionate about, what drives you, and genuinely want the best for yourself and others and if you have no idea, get busy figuring that out. We don't know the battles others fight, we don't know their life's stories, their blueprint, take time to learn at least one thing about every person you meet. Trust they are there to benefit you, as much as you are there to benefit them or nobody would be wasting their time. Inspire and empower each other rather than use each other to make a buck. 

Don't network... it's cold, impersonal and disconnected, it will make you feel deflated. Have fun, build relationships, help each other, CARE about others, and they will care about you in return. The world operates best when people look out for each other, and don't try to exploit, sabotage or use each other in the process. 

6. MAKE IT PERSONAL: 
In person events are of course one way to connect and partner up with people. It's important to be there in person. To make sure that you can contribute the best way possible, I also recommend joining groups, forums and link up with people in any ways you can, making sure reaching you is just as easy for others.
For instance at A4D we have set up an event page so people could connect to each other even before the event, this way by the time you get there, you've made friends and can continue the conversations, connect outside of the event or ask questions to get the answers and advice you need. Don't wait until the event to meet event attendees, initiate before and turn the actual event into so much more.

7. LET THEM EASILY FIND YOU:
You have no idea how many times I had a business opportunity to offer someone or wanted to connect two people together just to realize they did not share their contact information, I couldn't find them online (and I can find anyone online) on social media, or someone made me work to find them. Don't make others work to find you, reach you, connect with you, it's not their job, it's in your best interest to get rid of all barriers to contact if you care to build relationships with other people.

Next time you are going to an event, remind yourself that you're going there not to get but to give, to make few new friends YOU can help not the other way around, contribute rather than just show up to take when you're desperate...I promise you that in return the world will return a favor. Humans are made for reciprocity, and it works.