Engaging the Engaged: A Marriage Prep Story

9

 

On a Saturday morning, at 8:45 AM, the parish center was bustling. Josh and Kristen, the presenters, who were in their late 30’s and married 10 years, were hurrying to finish passing out workbooks and getting the coffee and bagels out, while welcoming the 30 engaged couples arriving for that day’s marriage prep session.

 

While pleasant, the engaged looked resigned and bored, with very few seeming to be thrilled to give up a beautiful Saturday expecting to be “lectured at” by a perfect Catholic married couple. They sat at separate tables, gradually filling in spaces as more couples arrived, but the atmosphere was quiet and resigned.

 

By 4:30 PM, the atmosphere was totally different. Couples were talking to each other, gathering their workbooks and worksheets and “swag”—perpetual marriage calendars to take home and usetogether. Certificates of attendance were passed out, and while some couples flew out of the center as soon as they had received one, most of the other couples were talking pleasantly to each other, helping to break down the tables and chairs to clean up the room, filling out reviews, or circling around Josh and Kristen to get a quick word in to them before they left. The atmosphere was pleasant and relaxed.

 

Marriage prep completed. One more thing off the checklist to get married. But can one day really adequately prepare a couple for marriage? Of course not! And it shouldn’t be expected to!

 

Preparing for a lifetime

 

Marriage prep needs to be part of a lifelong journey for those who marry. Marriage prep has to start at an early age, when children grow up and see the way marriage works, or doesn’t work, between their parents and other relatives. It should continue in school where the benefits of marriage to children and society is emphasized and encouraged, and in religious ed when they gain an understanding of the grace that comes with the sacraments and that marriage is an honorable vocation.

 

It should continue with the people involved in their lives, their family, friends, mentors, and neighbors as they see what it is like to be married. By the time a couple comes to marriage prep they usually have some idea of what they want their marriage to look like.

 

Ashley came, expecting the session to be a boring lecture, and she was pleasantly surprised. “It was not at all what I expected! Josh and Kristen were so relatable and so real! I loved when they shared how hard it was having children close in age.” Her fiancé Paul agreed. “They didn’t lecture at all! They talked about how they handled money in their own lives, and then Ashley and I talked privately together.”  John said, “After hearing them talk about how much their faith has helped their marriage, Charlotte and I decided to make Sunday Mass a priority.”

 

Not everyone agreed. Olivia thought it was too long, and John had trouble paying attention all day. He also was mad that the Church required marriage prep at all. And Jason, a Theology student, complained that there was not enough about doctrine.

 

There is no one right way to do marriage prep. We need to provide what’s best for the couple. For some, a one day series fits their needs. For others, perhaps separated by distance, in the military, who cannot get off work on Saturdays, or even those with ADHD who can’t sit still for a day, an online course is best. Others prefer a small group parish, or meeting with a mentor couple. Theology students probably need a very doctrinal, complicated course, but most people getting married are not Theology students!

 

A very good place to start

 

There is no way marriage prep alone can adequately prepare someone for marriage, but it can be a start for the most important thing a couple can do; learn to trust each other and communicate. If the engaged can interact with genuine couples that will be honest about the joys and struggles they have gone through, that accept the engaged where they are at, and give the engaged couples a chance to trust the presenters, and see them as real people, not perfect Catholics, they are much more open to learning about faith and how the Church can support marriage.

 

Let’s do what Pope Francis says for our marriage prep programs: “Marriage preparation should ensure that the couple…embark upon marriage as a life–long calling based on a firm and realistic decision to face all trials and difficult moments together…helping them to accept the Church’s teaching…but also offering practical programs, sound advice, proven strategies and psychological guidance.  All this calls for pedagogy of love, attuned to the feelings and needs of young people and capable of helping them to grow interiorly."

—Pope Francis, The Joy of Love (211).

Find Your Forever.

CatholicMatch is the largest and most trusted
Catholic dating site in the world.

Get Started for Free!CatholicMatch
— This article has been read 1771 times —