Anytime I find myself overwhelmed with bad news I have to talk to someone. In most cases the person I talk to is my wife.
In those times when I don’t talk, it feels like an emotional bomb has gone off inside of me. It is then that I fully relate with those old cartoons of bombs going off inside of people.
With bad news, I need the talking to sort out what I heard. I also face the challenge of sorting out what I know from what I assume. Many times my mind tries filling in the blank spaces. This tendency of filling in the blank spaces leads me to wrong conclusions.
There’s also the echo chamber effect that happens when I keep my thoughts and emotions to myself. It continues echoing back and forth until it gets distorted.
Talking to others is a helpful way of moving past these challenges.
When you discover your spouse had an affair or has a sex addiction, it’s traumatic news. Handling that traumatic news is challenging.
You’re facing the challenge of confused boundaries. This challenge consists of knowing who to tell, what to tell and your reason for telling.
Telling the wrong people, sharing for the wrong reasons and telling too much will each create worse problems. Having confused boundaries creates problems for you and your marriage.
Even though your spouse cheated, talking too much creates further problems for you and them. Not everyone you encounter can handle such traumatic news.
Information about sexual matters amounts to emotionally radioactive information. Like the real radiation, it requires special handling and clear boundaries. Yes, you need to talk about it, yet what you tell and who you tell along with your reason for telling are each important.
You need a safe place for discussing such sensitive matters. This is where joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle can become an important part of your affair recovery.
Best Regards,
Jeff
