Signs that your college student has struggles other than homework

The winter break is fast approaching, and your college students will be back for a few days to celebrate with family. This is a great opportunity for you to reconnect with your sons and daughters face to face and to assess how they are handling life away from the nest.

Slight weight gain and a mild case of anxiety are normal, especially for freshmen and seniors. But what are the signs that should raise a red flag for parents? The answer: Parents should look for anything in extremes.

Weight gain or loss: When weight gain or weight loss happens in extremes, the results can be shocking, especially if you haven't seen your adolescent child in a while. Weight gain of more than 20 pounds or loss of more than 10 percent of body weight can signal something more serious is happening and that poor dietary choices or a strict diet and exercise plan are likely not the problem. It could be the result of a myriad of underlying conditions including thyroid disorders, polycystic ovarian syndrome, diabetes or pregnancy - but parents should also consider mental health issues including anxiety, depression, and eating disorders such as anorexia, binge-eating disorder and bulimia. The likelihood of an eating disorder is increased if your child appears obsessed about her weight, appearance or caloric intake, is skipping meals or eating very small portions, or disappears to the bathroom right after meals.

Fatigue: Getting home for the holidays, especially if living in another state and requiring air, train or bus travel, is not always pleasant or easy. Your college-age child might come home and sleep for a while. However, excessive fatigue and sleepiness may be a sign something other than recent finals and/or a grueling travel itinerary is going on. If they're having a difficult time staying awake during normal waking hours, seems listless or disengaged, is sleeping too much or too little at night, you should discuss the excessive sleeping with your child and, if needed, recommend a visit to the doctor. Students may not realize that how they feel isn't normal - they're surrounded by others who are tired, too - but fatigue in its extreme form can be indicative of an underlying medical condition or mental health issues including thyroid problems, sleep apnea, diabetes, auto-immune disorders and depression.

Mood swings or social withdrawal: Much like fatigue, mood swings and/or signs of social withdrawal are usually symptoms of an underlying problem. By the time we reach adulthood, we've found other ways to express distress or cope with stressful situations than to throw a temper-tantrum or completely withdraw - that's not to say that these reactions can't happen to young adults, it's just not a frequent occurrence. Frequent mood swings, especially coupled with signs of withdrawal, however, could be signs of evolving mental illness. Is your college student showing signs of prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells? Is he irritable, aggressive or anxious in ways that he wasn't before? Are you worried your adolescent might purposefully hurt himself? If so, it's time for a talk, possibly an uncomfortable one, but one that could help enlighten both you and your child and in the rare instance, save him from a fate that neither of you ever envisioned.

Let's talk: As a concerned parent, you might think it's still your job to solve all of your child's problems. It's not. If your child is 18 years old, she already has lived under the protection of HIPPA laws for quite some time. All of those years you were building a trusting and loving relationship with your child; now is the time to ask some hard questions in a respectful way.

Consider this

Talk privately. A dinner with extended family is not the place to comment on erratic behavior or a dramatic weight change.

Tell your adolescent why the conversation is important and that you love her and care about her well-being. Life gets more complicated for everyone when a student leaves for college; staying connected can be difficult.

Share your concerns and listen. Few things are more annoying than a one-sided conversation. Ask questions such as, "I've noticed that you seem (fill in the blank). Do you want to talk about it? Has this been going on for a long time?" Then listen.

Get help from licensed professionals, including your family doctor, if you have a medical concern. This doctor has your child's medical records and can assess the situation and help diagnose or refer you to the right doctor for further screening or therapy.