Last week, we introduced Well readers to Emily McDowell, a writer and graphic artist, and her line of empathy cards, a series of greeting cards that helps provide support during times of serious illness and loss.
Then we challenged Well readers to come up with a new card that could be used to help someone cope with cancer, chronic illness or another of life’s setbacks. As usual our readers did not disappoint, submitting more than 400 turns of phrase to help bridge the gap between friendship and difficult news.
Some of the most popular submissions captured the role that food can play in comforting us:
“I know your doctor wants you eating superfoods, so I brought you a kale and quinoa salad. (Except I substituted lasagna for the kale and threw away the quinoa).” – Grace Witsil, North Carolina
“When people stop bringing lasagnas and enchiladas and meat trays, give me a call. I’ll come clean the leftovers out of your fridge and bring you a proper meal of wine and chocolate.” – ktbrwn37. Minn.
“I wish I knew the right thing to say. How about ‘cookie’? Or ‘wine’?” Joanne S., N.J.
Others spoke to the importance of opening up and talking to a dear friend:
“I will never pretend like your incurable, chronic illness magically went away because I’m too uncomfortable to keep on asking about it.” – Katherine, Macfarlane
“If you need anything, call me. And if you don’t call me, I promise I’ll call you. And I’ll keep calling,” – bestguess, N.Y.
Or the power of sitting together in silence:
“Don’t feel like talking? Me either. Let’s sit here and not talk together.” – Jessica, South Orange, N.J.
“I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I promise to hold your hand and never tell you that everything happens for a reason.” – Bridget, Virginia
“I’m not your doctor, so I’m not going to give you medical advice.
I’m not your support group, so I won’t pretend I know what you’re going though.
I am your friend, and I’ll always be there to shut up and listen.” – Clara M., Arlington, Virginia
Other favorites touched on the role friends should play during difficult times. They gave permission for a person in need to lean on a friend and ask for help.
“All people have bumps in the road of life. You have a mountain, but I’m here for you with my climbing gear.” – Laurie Lee, Lake Oswego, Ore.
“I promise not to encourage you when you say you’re too tired. I’ll just give you a ride home,” – AB, Vancouver, Canada
“Let’s deal with this constructively: Let me know when we can meet up and smash things.” – Emily, Jersey City
But the winning submission, as chosen by both our readers and Ms. McDowell was submitted by Joanne H. from Seattle.
“This entry is an insightful, unexpected and universal way to empathize with the difficulty of illness or loss. It is also short and to the point, well-written and funny,” said Ms. McDowell.