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Moving in together? Don't until you read this!

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I remember the day perfectly. My then-partner and I were standing in the living room of his condo staring at two bulbous sofas - one his, one mine, neither of which matched in the slightest. We'd been in a deadlock since I'd moved in a week ago, when we realized that we weren't willing to part with our beloved sofas, despite how ridiculous they looked together.

Frustrated, I burst into tears.

When my partner asked me what was wrong, I told him the truth: "This is harder than I thought it would be."

When people ask me for advice on moving in with their partner, I always say, "don't rush it" - and we didn't. We'd been together for two years, spent nearly every weekend together and seen each other through a variety of life events - both good (international travel) and bad (two family deaths).

I thought we were prepared.

Although we loved each other and went on to have lots of amazing memories as a cohabiting couple, moving in together was still challenging in ways I never expected. When you combine two separate lives together - no matter how much you're in sync as a couple - there are going to be some growing pains and unexpected surprises.

And - anyone who tells you otherwise is either not being honest, or simply hasn't had the pleasure of falling into a toilet in the middle of the night after their partner left the seat up.

That's why I was shocked to read that after surveying over 1,000 Americans and 800 Canadians, online retailer Wayfair.ca found that 24.2% of millennials and 26.4% of Generation X couples moved in together after less than six months. I've had Chia pets that have taken longer to germinate.

In my experience, love doesn't listen to reason. However, if you're planning on moving in together this summer, here are a few things I wish someone had told me before the moving truck arrived:

1. No matter how much you love your partner, you're going to be giving up some of your space and independence, which can feel uncomfortable at first.

I'm a really independent person that enjoys a lot of alone time, which is part of the reason the transition of living together was such a confusing time for me. I was simultaneously excited for this new phase, while also mourning my single-girl lifestyle. Feeling this way doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human. With that said, these feelings need to be addressed.

My friend Megan has a suggestion to help with this transition. As she explains, it all comes down to "negotiating ways that both shut-in introverts can have their own solo time alone in the apartment without the other being there once in awhile. Takes a bit of coordinating depending on schedules!" but it's worth it.

2. You might end with two of everything and it will be hilarious.

Just kidding! Moving into your very own Noah's ark of furniture and appliances can actually be pretty stressful. As Rebecca in Toronto shares, to overcome this, both parties need to realize "that your 'things' are no more important than the other person's belongings. Space and storage issues while trying to combine your lives can cause petty arguments for no reason. You'll need to learn to compromise, be patient, keep yourself in check and not be defensive while you hear the other person out."

3. Talk about everything beforehand.

And I mean everything - from finances (are you going to have a joint account? How much will you put in it every month?) and chore expectations (who hates which chores and can you trade off?) to Netflix binge watching etiquette (is 'cheating' allowed?) and whether you're going to honour Taco Tuesdays on a regular basis. While there's something to be said about figuring things out as you go, I can't help but wonder if my own transition to cohabitation would have been smoother if there had been more frank discussions beforehand.

4. You will learn about each others gross, weird habits.

Whether it's leaving tooth paste in the sink or clipping one's toe nails in the bedroom, we've all got a few less than desirable habits. Moving in together will illuminate all of them! The trick here is to recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses, while learning to live together in a way that balances each other out. When all else fails, remember these two magical words that will save your relationship: Separate Bathrooms.

 

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