Civic drive for Nag Labels on gas pumps raises obvious question: Why stop there?
It gets increasingly difficult to imagine how Moated City inhabitants could even get through their days without the inspired moral leadership of the Seattle City Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey City Council.
Think of all those years most of us have spent filling up our gas-guzzling vehicles at local gas ’n sips with nary a clue that doing so results in emissions that increase the level of greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere, leading to unspeakable calamities including, but not limited to, horrific plagues of global warming, third-degree sunburns, and Mike McGinn.
At long last, enlightenment awaits. Your City Council’s latest sweat-lodging has produced the ingenious concept of official Nag Labels on gas pumps, informing you that putting fuel in the Audi is, in fact, an original sin.
Get outta town. If only we had known sooner.
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More civic guilt-trippery:
Seriously, Folks: If news stories about your present pet project include the words, “… following the lead of Berkeley and San Francisco,” you might want to step away from the smudge sticks.
Future Seattle Guilt-Trip Label No. 1: Baby-polar-bear-with-gun-to-head decal on the glass front door of all wood-burning stoves.
Digital Soul Searching: The New York Times, acting on an anonymous tip that numerous large cranes were seen dotting the landscape here on the Siberian Frontier, produced a piece questioning whether Seattle could save its “soul” in the midst of its current upchuck of unchecked growth. Seattle’s soul, still sporting a sun-bleached “out to lunch” sign on the front door of its office on Market Street, in the Eastern-bloc remnants of what used to be Ballard, could not be reached for comment.
Future Seattle Guilt-Trip Label No. 2: A sticker affixed to all happy-hour drinks bearing an image of a shirtless, slobbering former Huskies coach Steve Sarkisian at a USC Trojans pep rally.
Look, We Kid Sark:But we know he’ll eventually land on his feet with the coaching gig he’s always been destined to fill. In Pullman.
This Just In: Too bad, but not surprising, that Lloyd McClendon won’t return as Mariners manager. On the plus side, he’s only 12 votes shy of becoming the next speaker of the House.
Future Seattle Guilt-Trip Label No. 3: A dime-sized dollop of adhesive fake vomit on any food product not officially certified as gluten-free.
Debatable: To everyone who said it was impossible for the GOP to produce a presidential candidate more verifiably insane than Donald Trump and Mike Huckabee, we give you Dr. Ben “Charge the Shooter” Carson.
Future Seattle Guilt-Trip Label No. 4: A little tub-of-lard sticker on every order of garlic fries sold at Safeco Field.
This Also Just In: The Washington State Department of Transportation has announced that it has run out of those red circles affixed to freeway-blocking disabled vehicles in traffic-camera images. If you have one at home, please return it promptly.
Future Seattle Guilt-Trip Label No. 5: Scarlet letters “SF” on the front door of every elitist, racist, exclusionary single-family home.
And Finally: “What are you talking about? It’s only 75 cents, and it’s awesome!” said the Interstate 405 commuter racing home to enjoy his $49-a-month, introductory-rate Xfinity entertainment package.