I am, what you may call, a part-time drunk – somewhere between a binge drinker and an alcoholic. At 43 years old, I guess I should have figured out which, but I’ve always been indecisive.
To help deal with my problems, I attend a programme called Change, Grow, Live (CGL), which I find immensely beneficial. It is a nationwide programme that aims to give addicts the skills and tools to cope, using an holistic approach. At CGL, there are people willing to listen to me and advise me. The programme has changed my perspective on addiction and helped me to better understand and accept myself. The variety of people there and the hidden talents and personalities are buried from everyday view by the tag “addict”.
I was referred to CGL after one of the nurses at my local GP surgery asked the much-dreaded question: “How much do you drink?” I answered honestly that time because I was beginning to realise I had a problem. I had thought about going to a support group in the past, but I was put off by the spiritual appearance of AA and I was unaware of any others available.
My dad died when I was nine . My mum was grieving – though I didn’t realise it at the time – while I became rebellious and resentful at being the “man of the family”. We soon moved to a new area and it was here that, amid bullying and a lack of understanding, my problems really started. I was looking for a father figure, which unfortunately led to me meeting a man who, it would later turn out, was just interested in grooming me.
After a spell in boarding school I left to find my first job. Within a couple of years I began to fall in with the wrong crowd. I left my job and started to fall out with my mum – something I will always regret.
I became homeless for a while and during this time I stumbled across poetry, as a way to woo potential girlfriends. While this wasn’t always successful, I kept poetry on the back burner, occasionally turning to it as a way of self-medicating my feelings and worries. Fairly soon I found that writing was a welcome distraction from everyday life.
For me, poetry is a way of shouting from the rooftops in a whispered voice. It’s a way of letting my emotions and feelings drain away from me through the pen and on to the paper and, most importantly, a way of recording the times I’ve been through, the things I’ve seen, or just finding out what my mind can do.
After some emotional times in the last few years, during which several members of my family died – including my mum and my nan – I had a breakdown. I’m still trying to recover from it but I have rediscovered my poetry – that had, somehow, survived the years – and a chance encounter at CGL has led me to creative writing.
Within CGL and the creative writing group, I meet a so many people with different perspectives on life. The facilitator, Becky, who is a student social worker, has shown me different ways of collecting ideas and thoughts, and has given me a focus and the belief that I can go into the future with renewed vigour.
The group started small with only two of us, but it is now beginning to grow. I hope it will be rolled out across the country. Poetry has helped me in times of crisis before and I am glad to welcome back my old friend in this time of need.
A student’s perspective
Social work is about connection and it is this connection that I have been trying to understand and facilitate since the start of my practice as a social work student.
During my placement, I had a chance meeting with a poet and we formed a connection through a love of writing. This inspired me to start a creative writing group that forges connections and promotes interactions. We break down barriers, discussing our emotions and experiences through story-telling and poetry writing. Instead of asking people to explain their problems or difficulties, I ask them to tell a story that means something to them.
This experience has taught me that through creative methods, the connections we make with those we work with can be less forced and less threatening. Working together to create something with meaning generates feelings of community, mutual understanding and respect, and a safe space in which we can explore those feelings we find difficult to name and explain to others. Becky, student social worker, Sussex University
Anthony’s poem
How dare you tear me apart
You know not what you see
You cannot understand
The pain inside of me
My soul is built on anguish
My heart beats out of time
The scolding look and thoughtless comments
Are yours they are not mine
I wish you understood me
I wished that you just knew
If it was a badge I’d wear it with pride
The pain that I’ve been through
Just know I’m mending slowly
It takes a lot of time
One day I’ll mean it when you ask
How are you, I’m feeling fine.
- Change Grow Live is a charity providing free treatment and support to vulnerable people facing addiction, homelessness and domestic abuse. Read more of Anthony’s poetry here.
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