The Big Bang Theory recap: The Matrimonial Momentum

On the season finale of The Big Bang Theory, our four favorite scientists were all experiencing significant life changes. Howard (Simon Helberg) and Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) contemplated kicking Stewart out of the house, Raj (Kunal Nayyar) took his relationship with Emily to the next (albeit disturbing) level, Penny (Kaley Cuoco) and Leonard (Johnny Galecki) were driving to Vegas to elope, and Amy (Mayim Bialik) announced to Sheldon (Jim Parsons) that she needed time to reevaluate their relationship. As you may recall, Sheldon pulled out an engagement ring and the scene ended without even a hint of a BAZINGA from Amy.

Season 9 picks up exactly where the finale left us hanging. Leonard and Penny wait their turn in a random Chapel of Love when Sheldon calls Leonard to announce that women are the worst. When Penny overhears the news, she immediately calls Amy to hear her side of the story. Amy invites her bestie to come over and is irritated to learn that she is tying the knot in Vegas. Clearly Amy will not be catching the wedding bouquet — not that it matters now.

Sheldon decides that like the Lord of the Rings trilogy, 11 hours is plenty of time for Amy to get over her aversion to his countless idiosyncrasies. He corners her outside of her apartment and is shocked to hear that Amy has been invited to Bernadette’s to watch a live streaming version of Leonard and Penny’s wedding. A line has clearly been drawn and sides must be chosen among the peer group.

Sheldon creeps in Bernadette’s window like a world-class weirdo until someone lets him inside. Sheldon berates Amy for not deciding the outcome of their courtship. Is she in or is she out? It only took one incredibly rude comment for Amy to snap: “Men can sire offspring their entire lives, but those eggs you’re toting around have a sell-by date.”

Needless to say, Amy and Sheldon are officially over. Consider the Relationship Agreement null and void.

Meanwhile, Penny and Leonard make their way down the aisle, face each other, and exchange vows that are heartfelt and endearing. Leonard suspects that billions of atoms came together to create their two bodies for the sole purpose of them meeting and making each other whole. This elicited a few tears (from me and) the bride. Penny, who had not come prepared, quickly started reciting lyrics from “You’ve Got A Friend In Me.” It would have been majorly cheesy if Cuoco hadn’t delivered the line in such a charming way. Plus, Toy Story is one of Leonard’s favorite movies. Cue more waterworks.

After the wedding, Leonard summons the upper body strength to carry Penny across the threshold. When they start kissing, Penny can’t help but recall the deep, dark secret Leonard revealed on the way to Vegas — he had kissed another woman when he was on the trip to that North Sea. Penny wants to know if he ever feels guilty. He assures her that he feels tremendous guilt every time he sees her. Whhhhaaaaattt?

Newsflash: Leonard works with the woman. And according to Sheldon, Mandy Chow is an attractive, smart woman who can do much better than Leonard. Uh oh.

Leonard and Penny return home to their separate apartments. Amy tries to fend off Stewart’s advances. Bernadette and Howard celebrate the fact that their wedding totally trumped Penny and Leonard’s. And Sheldon bemoans the fact that women are the less-superior species. Well, except Madame Curie who is obviously an honorary man with a penis made of science.

Theoretical Laughter

“There’s a lot of gorgeous blondes out there who don’t believe they can land a short, near-sighted scientist. Let’s give them hope!” — Leonard convincing Penny to live-stream the wedding

“Women are the worst. I thought it was paper cuts, but I was wrong. No paper ever cut me this deep.” —Sheldon

“I’m done with women. It’s like when I swore off Pop Rocks. They both hurt you on purpose.” —Sheldon