It's not easy accepting feedback from another person. It can sometimes lead to negative feelings which makes people want to avoid it altogether. After all, no one likes being told that they aren't right about something or that they've made a mistake. However, feedback is important to help us grow and become better people.
We asked members of the Forbes Coaches Council for their best advice on how to shift the mindset from one of dread to one of appreciation of feedback. The answers varied but are worth considering especially if feedback is something that you don't usually take well.
1. Treat It Like An Exercise
Feedback often does not feel like "a gift" and is rarely easy. Similar to going to the gym, it’s required for building the muscles needed for growth. Even world-class athletes use coaches and videos to improve their technique. In fact, asking for and acting on feedback is a key indicator of leadership potential. Don't miss out. Proactively get this scarce commodity and use it well. - Shoma Chatterjee, ghSMART
2. Accept That It’s Essential For Being Your Best
The only way we become our best is getting repeated feedback on what we do well and where we can improve. When we accept this truth, we become less defensive and comfortable with being uncomfortable. Just like at the gym, we don't improve our muscles if we are not pushed beyond our comfort zone. So even when we disagree with the criticism, find the kernel of truth and the opportunity for growth. - Christine Allen, Ph.D, Insight Business Works
3. Welcome Criticism
Although criticism sets off our defensive or self-pitying reflexes, it can be the most important thing we hear. Instead of getting upset, think about your life or work as a scientific experiment in which you are trying to get and be better every day. The only guide we have is feedback. So critical feedback tells us what's not working. It answers the question, "What should I work on next?" Eureka! - Amie Devero, Eos Global, LLC
4. Assume Positive Intent
It's human nature to take critical feedback personally, at least at first. We can train ourselves to take a step back and remind ourselves that the feedback giver's intention is to help us be the best we can be. Who wouldn't want to know how to do that? Carol Dweck's research also tells us that we can focus on having a "growth" mindset versus a "fixed" one. A fixed mindset means we believe that talents and abilities are set in stone. If you believe this, critical feedback feels very personal because you’re not likely to believe you can grow and fix it. Commit to adopting a growth mindset! - Kathy Bernhard, KFB Leadership Solutions
5. Just Say Thank You
For most of us, the question isn't “Do I desire feedback at this moment?” Feedback is coming our way whether we want it or not. What we can control is our response. Let the core of your response be a simple and authentic, "thank you." This creates a mindset shift from "I am in trouble" to "I am so glad you let me know." - Dean Miles, Bridgepoint Coaching & Strategy Group
6. Detach Your Emotions
Many times, people automatically think feedback or criticism will not be favorable. The basic human response to feeling critiqued is defense. However, detaching emotions allows us to accept the feedback as information based on someone's perception. Once we make the mindset shift that any feedback or criticism we get is information, we can categorize it properly and make adjustments if needed. - Lori A. Manns, Quality Media Consultant Group
7. Guide The Feedback
Feedback is a huge opportunity for individuals to grow. Giving feedback is a skill. And since no one wants to be criticized for their work, direct how you would like to receive feedback you are seeking. For example,"What did I do well and what could I do better or differently next time?" Get specific around the feedback you are asking for. If they deviate from that, simply redirect. - Kirsten Blakemore, Partners In Leadership
8. Have A Feedback Treatment System
Heard of a water treatment system that removes toxins from your drinking water? Employ this system for yourself as it relates to feedback and especially criticism. Not all criticism is fatal as not all non-potable water causes death. If you distill criticism like water and remove the pure negativity and keep the minerals of truth, you can always improve no matter how the feedback is administered. - John M. O'Connor, Career Pro Inc.
9. Adopt A Learning Mindset
A mindset that actually welcomes feedback/criticism rather than dreads it is one that recognizes improvement is a key ingredient to success. If you look at the development or delivery of a product or service holistically, feedback is the last step to close the loop and keep you learning in a way that sets you up for continuous improvement and everlasting growth and success. - Linda Hardenstein, Hardenstein Consulting
10. Remember You Are A Work In Progress
You are a work in progress. As humans, we have to remember we should always be in “upgrade” mode. We must accept feedback from others in order to know where we should grow. If you trust someone, listen to them. - Christopher Williams, High Level Wisdom for New Generation Leaders
11. Be Open To Making Changes
Professionals who are going to get better, do better, and have better success must be open to making changes. Adjustments are needed to make improvements. Once you are open to making changes it is easier to welcome feedback/criticism. Individuals who are not going to change are usually the most resistant to any kind of feedback that isn't positive. - Donald Hatter, Donald Hatter Inc.
12. Embrace The Chance To Grow
Even the most negative of feedback can provide you with a pivotal turning point that influences you personally and professionally. When that door opens, embrace it, looking for what serves you. The best rule of thumb is if you've heard it before, it must be true, and it's time to act. But never let negative criticism bring you down. Instead, let it challenge you to come back stronger and better. - Laura DeCarlo, Career Directors International
13. Ask Instead Of Waiting To Be Told
Develop an approach of "feed forward" (to quote Marshall Goldsmith). Ask the people who care about you what you can do to get better and to support your goals. Don't wait to be told. This changes everything radically. Take the tosses and move along! - Daphne Scott, DS Leadership Life
14. Act Like The Person You Wish You Were
There are two types of people in this world: those who defend, make excuses and shift blame, and those who listen to feedback/criticism, focus internally and adapt behavior. When faced with feedback/criticism, channel the behaviors of someone in the latter group. - Erin Hoffman, Collaboration Business Consulting
15. Remember, It's Simply Information
Keep in mind that feedback is just information, and that as an adult, you make the choice what you do with it. Sometimes, when we hear the word “feedback," we recoil, anticipating a negative experience. Just take it for what it is: information you may not have had before that can potentially help you. You then decide what to do (or not do) from there. - Lisa Downs, Downs Leadership
16. Be Transparent With Yourself
There is no one person on Earth who wouldn't admit to having flaws. The secrets to receiving feedback are two-fold: (1) Objectively "judge" yourself first before getting feedback; (2) Ask for the feedback versus waiting for it. That puts you in the "open" position versus feeling more on the defensive. - Rubi Ho, The Rubi Ho Group
