Top 3 ways you may be sabotaging your personal growth

Are you continuing to learn as an adult? Few would argue that to reach our full potential—or something close to it—we must continuously be in learning mode. Whether we want to excel in school, advance in our careers, or even more thoroughly enjoy our hobbies, we need to learn from both our own mistakes and those of others, and we need to apply those lessons to what we do.

In my own career and life, I’ve noticed obstacles—some of my own making—that interfere with my ability to learn. Knowing I'm not alone begs the question: In what ways do we sabotage our own ability to learn?

1.  A lack of grit.

A decade ago, we might not have been able to put a finger on exactly what this meant or why it was a problem. But thanks to researchers such as Angela Duckworth (whose TED Talk on grit has been viewed more than 8.5 million times), we know that noncognitive traits—such as perseverance and determination, or “grit”—have a lot to do with how well we learn and our ultimate success. Grit is what helps us stay motivated and develop the work ethic needed to continue learning and growing, and to succeed.

Why do so many lack grit? Duckworth points to the ideas of fellow researcher Carol Dweck and her theory of “fixed and growth mindset.” A person with a “fixed mindset” believes that intelligence cannot be changed, that we are born with innate abilities and are constrained by them. In a fixed mindset where we believe that we can’t get any smarter, we’re far more likely to shut down or ignore opportunities for learning and growth.

2.  A fear of failure.

Many of us, particularly those with fixed mindsets, cannot tolerate failure. For some the tolerance is zero. They believe that the smartest people do not make mistakes and so their self-esteem—and also, they believe, the esteem of others—is contingent on perfection. But if you hold yourself to a standard of perfection, how likely are you to take risks? Not very likely.

So much experiential learning is tied up in trial and error and taking risks. Intellectual risks if you’re a scholar, strategic risks if you’re a manager, physical risks if you’re an athlete.

3.  A need to prove we’re right.

A corollary to the fear of failure, the constant desire to prove that we’re right (i.e., perfect and successful) also prevents us from learning. Unlike the scientific method, where one formulates a hypothesis, makes predictions, and gathers data to test those predictions, we often see only the data points that bolster our arguments.

By looking past the evidence that refutes our opinions we regularly miss out on opportunities to learn something new.

Yes, from time to time we’re all guilty of sabotaging our own opportunities for learning. Perhaps we can all learn more by keeping in mind that it is most definitely possible to grow intelligence and aptitude—and no one is always right. The only time we really fail is when we fail to learn.

I’d like to hear from you:

• What obstacles to learning do you experience?
• When was a time you felt you practiced grit?
• What keeps you from taking risks?