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This November has gotten off to a very rocky start for many of us. There have been huge emotional ups and downs that may be attributed to everything from the weather, the boys of summer who did or did not clinch the World Series, the shortening days, and election results. If you are like most people, you are feeling pretty worn out and emotionally stressed.
Even good news and “wins” can lead to additional stress and emotional uncertainty. The economy starts looking up and jaded citizens begin to wonder when it’s going to tank. Oil prices fall and gasoline is cheap, but holidays are coming and it will be driven up by greedy businesses. Our team won this year, but can they keep up the momentum for another exciting year of thrilling triumphs? And feeling as if the election results have brought you “four more years” or “two more years” or even just “another year” of uncertainty, confusion, or heartache, or, alternatively, a sense that things are “finally” going to go in your favor, these reactions can be stressful.
Before the country even moved out of Daylight Savings Time or into November, the holiday commercials were annoyingly – though cheerfully – reminding us that the best meals, the best gifts, and the best of times were ours to be had, if we acted quickly and got our acts together in time for the Black Friday rush or holiday scramble to do al things and be all things to all too many people. The grief and sadness that the holidays can pile on a person’s emotional platter can be significant, but with the recent
Grieving is Grieving, Regardless of the Cause
Sometimes the most difficult grief to handle is the grief that is made up of a medley of causes – a sense of sorrow and complex loss that weighs heavily on a person with an amorphous and ill-defined shape. The kind that may lead to inexplicable and unexpected tears for seeming “no reason at all.” For some of us, the holidays don’t just bring us “Black Friday,” they bring a black cloud or mood that lingers over the season.
If you are suffering this holiday season – due to grief, personal struggles, or relationship failings, here are a few suggestions for helping you cope with any grief or sadness you may be experiencing:
- Do not completely isolate yourself from other people.
- Allow yourself space to acknowledge any losses you’re processing and any pain these losses have produced. A word to the wise: Do not let yourself use loss or grief as excuses to escape through alcohol or other addictive substances.
- If a particular ritual is just too painful to enact this year, accept that your limits and forgive yourself.
- Create a special new ritual that honors your self-awareness and the present moment.
- Light a special candle and offer a silent or spoken tribute to your strengths and the qualities you possess that will help you weather this period.
- If you feel that you “need” to get a shot of holiday spirit, engage in an activity that brought you pleasure in earlier years – when you were a child or young adult. If your first attempt fails, try something else. Don’t judge yourself – just accept yourself.
- It is true that the shortest day falls on the last day of autumn. Winter may bring the bitterest weather, the deepest hibernation of life, and leafless, barren trees may stand stark against the winter sky, but once the first day of winter has arrived, the days begin lengthening as nights begin to shorten. Your discontent may wax and wane, but there is a natural rhythm to the phases of the moon and in life and it is truly always darkest before the dawn.
- Honor your feelings, but don’t allow yourself to get so wrapped up in them that you close yourself off to the possibility of spontaneous moments of hope or joy.
If Autumn and encroaching Winter are allowing you to fall into a place of grief, hopelessness, and emotional fatigue, please know that you are not alone. While the world is entreating us to be “merry and bright,” it is okay to be “silent and still” in quiet contemplation. If you feel your sorrow tumbling into despair and depression, do seek professional assistance. It's been a long and difficult year – don’t let yourself get completely overwhelmed in the season that should offer the warmth of hope and support.
