How Novice Nurses Can Honor Seasoned Nurses While Setting Limits on Inappropriate Behavior

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Nurses new to practice are often excited and eager to learn. They’ve made it through the rigorous academic and clinical demands that nursing school requires and have their first job. And enthusiasm is a wonderful thing! 

But sometimes, they enter workplaces filled with experienced nurses who are frustrated or burned out. These nurses hold vast knowledge and judgment that new nurses need and yet they may be resentful of expectations to help or have developed bad habits involving bullying behavior. One of the challenges that newer nurses face is appreciating and respecting the experience of their predecessors and learning critical skills from them, but not engaging in old patterns of disruptive behavior.

Sadly, many seasoned nurses have gained their expertise in the midst of toxic cultures where bullying, excessive workloads or unwanted overtime expectations are the norm. They may have sustained a back or other physical injury and have likely witnessed much heartache, grief and trauma. To deal with feeling frustrated, tired or disrespected some nurses seek validation by exposing new nurses to the same toxic behaviors they’ve had to endure. It is understandable, but not okay! 

It isn’t the newer nurse’s responsibility to “fix” any veteran nurse’s burnout. They do have rich opportunities to practice respectful communication by asking for what they need, setting limits on inappropriate behavior and showing compassion for tough experiences. Here are three tips to help:

1. Awareness

Be aware that everyone deserves to be treated respectfully and people who bully others have often experienced bullying. This mindset will help prepare you to ensure that you are treated respectfully and hold compassion for those who have trouble behaving.

2. Ownership

Use I statements and ownership language in asking for help and setting limits. For instance, a new nurse might say to a more seasoned colleague who is being rude, “I know you have a lot of valuable experience and I want to learn everything I can from you, but your tone feels dismissive.  Even though I am new, I expect you to treat me with respect.” Notice how this statement demonstrates the mindset of respect for self and others discussed in the above! (Is an I Statement Right for this Conflict?)

3. Listening

New nurses can model attentive listening skills that validate and show empathy for nurses who have worked in toxic cultures. For example, “It sounds like you have worked a lot of overtime and faced many understaffed shifts in your career. That must be hard. I would like to hear more about what your challenges have been. Would you have coffee with me after work sometime?” There is no guarantee that such a conversation will happen or if it does that it will build a positive relationship, but it might. And even if it doesn’t, you’ll be showing you care.

Conclusion

Becoming a nurse is an exciting achievement! Nurses deserve to work in cultures where enthusiasm for learning and respectful behavior are the norms. We are also responsible for contributing to these ideals whenever we can! 

Find your next nursing job today!

Beth Boynton, RN, MS specializes in workshops that promote emotional intelligence and respectful communication, collaboration, and workplace cultures. She is a Medical Improv Practitioner and author of Medical Improv:  A New Way to Improve Communication (CreateSpace 2017), Successful Nurse Communication: Safe Care, Healthy Workplaces, & Rewarding Careers (F.A. Davis 2015) and Confident Voices: The Nurses’ Guide to Improving Communication & Creating Positive Workplaces (CreateSpace 2009). She can be reached at beth@bethboynton.com, on Twitter @bethboynton or through her Confident Voices in Healthcare blog.