The Newcott Scoop: Calling quits on customer service

I was between writing, animating and making sure my son Shiloh didn't fall off of the coffee table when my wife Beth noted that we needed to overturn a Wells Fargo overdraft fee.

It was a fee attributed to our account after I had paid the mortgage and was unaware that the previously scheduled payment that I had called to cancel went through anyways.

"Do you want to give them a call?" she asked me.

No. No, I did not.

I made the call anyways, because as a man your responsibility is to scavenge for food and its modern-day equivalent: Calling customer service centers.

"Please state what you are calling about," the robot over the phone said to me.

"You done well screwed up, Wells Fargo," I said.

"I didn't understand that. Could you repeat your request?" the she-bot asked me

"Speak to a representative," I said.

I was on hold for a what I was told would be a moment until a woman answered.

She placed me on hold for a moment as well until another gentleman picked up the line.

"How may I help you sir?" he asked me.

"I'm going to try to state this as simply as possible. You see, we had a mortgage payment due. So I scheduled it to get paid on the day my paycheck arrived. But I was unaware that my wife went ahead to pay it with the money, which is currency used to exchange goods and services, still in our account. So I called last week to make sure the scheduled payment wouldn't go through and I was assured it wouldn't. The problem is that it did go through and now I can't buy Chex Mix, and I also have an overdraft fee."

"So what happened exactly?" he asked me.

I repeated the entire issue and again explained how currency was used when he stopped to interrupt me.

"Look," he said. "Here's what I can do. I can't reverse the additional mortgage payment, but I can allow the system to try to charge you again. Then, when the system notices that you have no money whatsoever, I'm just going to let the system automatically stop trying to charge you anymore."

"So what you're saying is that you can do nothing," I said.

"Exactly, sir," he told me.

I told the man I would like to speak to another representative.

I was told by the next woman I was connected with that my cell-phone was cutting out and I would need to call back.

I did.

"I am more than willing to help you, Mr. Newcott," the next woman said to me. "I'll get you that refund immediately."

I thanked God in that moment. I had never worked so hard for $35 in my life, apart from that time behind Roller Towne.

"You will receive your full refund of 75 percent," she said to me.

"Um," I said hesitantly.

I had worked so hard to get to this moment, and I really didn't want to be transferred to someone else.

"The problem is, I actually didn't do anything wrong and definitely called and was assured that my scheduled payment was posted," I said. "So, please, master. Would you be willing in your grace to grant me back 100 percent of my money?"

"Nope, just 75," she said. "Although I could transfer you to another representative."

Zachary Newcott is the Art/Food/Entertainment reporter with the Times Delta.