Stay out of the left lane: An important message for NJ drivers

I am a dude with very few bona fide, unimpeachable convictions.

I believe Joe Strummer of The Clash is the single most underrated rock ’n’ roll songwriter of all time. I believe, unfortunately, the Mets will never win a World Series as long as I’m alive.

And I believe that, if you sit in the left lane, you should be put on trial.

There’s nothing worse than a left-lane hog, right? It’s our god-given right to travel faster than our neighbors, so long as we get around them using the left lane. (I won’t specify how fast New Jersey drivers are usually traveling, though you can bet your bottom dollar it’s probably above the 65-mph speed limit.)

When some jamoke with a Pennsylvania license plate treats the left lane like it's his personal VIP roadway? It’s a cardinal sin.

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From 2014 to present, the state judiciary system has handled nearly 83,000 violations of the state's "get out of the left lane, you idiot" statute. During the same time period, nearly 38,000 cases ended with a guilty plea or verdict, about 45 percent.

But even more cases were completely dismissed — about 43,000 cases that made up more than 51 percent of all left-lane violations handled in the judicial system.

In layman's terms: If you got a left-lane ticket in New Jersey sometime between January 2014 and August 2016, the odds were around 50-50 that it would get dismissed.

I'm not a lawyer, and most of what I know about "criminal justice" came from Batman. But that doesn't sound like a great ratio if we're trying to deter folks from driving in the left lane.

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The issue is beyond simply an annoyance. Driving in the left lane causes other drivers to make illegal passes on the right, which throw middle-lane drivers a loop and can cause a crash. I'm sure you've seen it during the summer months, when Parkway traffic is moving slowly but steadily.

But due to someone hogging the left lane, a car zips around  on the right, nearly colliding with the middle-lane driver — who in many cases stops short or swerves out of the way, which could cause a crash in and of itself.

In New Jersey, "keep right, pass left" is the law. Scratch that: In nearly every state, some variation of that is the law. It’s been ingrained in my head since the first time I found myself stuck behind a Pennsylvanian who decided to cruise in the left lane right past a “keep right except to pass” sign.

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And since this is the second time I’m offending our Pennsylvanian brethren: It’s against the law in Pennsylvania,too. You can only stay in the left lane if you’re traveling faster than the flow of traffic — an awfully vague ruling, if you ask me.

The best part? People way smarter than me have spent way more time studying this subject — and they say I’m right!

According to a 2009 study by transportation engineer Reinhard Clever, there was a rate of about 5.1 fatalities per billion vehicle-kilometers logged on U.S. freeways.

LETTER: NJ & Pennsylvania drivers are rude

How does that rank? In Germany, the rate was about 4.2 fatalities per billion vehicle-kilometers — and that's in a country where some roads have nothing more than an “advisory” speed limit equivalent to 80 mph. And if the weather is nice, there is literally no speed limit.

The difference, according to Clever, is that “keep right, pass left” is a mantra on the autobahn. When German drivers see an entrance ramp on the horizon, they know to keep left. This allows vehicles to get up to highway speed without requiring the bullet-speed vehicles to hit the brakes.

Don't worry: The left lane isn't going anywhere. It'll always be there for you — when you need it. But until then? Leave the traffic tickets to the Pennsylvania drivers.

Just kidding. Sort of.

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Send questions, comments, road tips and angry rants to mdavis@gannettnj.com.