Tips for visiting parents in long-term care facilities
“Jean, this probably is not a good topic, but … can you talk to families about what to do when their parent goes into a long-term care facility? Some think that their family member can never leave again.”
That was a note that I received from my sister, Julie Dobberstein, of Fox Valley Guardianship & Payee Services.
Are you kidding, Julie? It is a great topic!
Dobberstein shared suggestions for folks: “Take your mom out to lunch once in a while or to the store so she can pick out her snacks. The community menus don’t have her favorite foods.”
“Visit. It doesn’t have to be long, just stop in.” She commented: “I think they don’t know what to talk about, so they hate going.”
Her advice: “You know the stories your dad loves to tell; ask him about them like it’s your first time hearing them. Remember the good old days.”
When you bring treats, do the initial opening of the bags or bottles, to make it easier for them. Open the chip bag and put a clip on it.
Take your dad out for ice cream.
Stop bringing stuffed animals. Instead, bring bananas, shampoo, lotion, soap. Give things that go away — consumables, not collectibles.
Take them out to get their hair cut/done, pedicures.
After reading Dobberstein’s suggestions, I asked an associate for more ideas. Sue Coyle, geriatric care manager at Coyle Care Management and Consulting added:
•Take them out for breakfast.
•Instead of buying a brand-new chair, bedspread or decoration, bring what is familiar to the parent and will look and feel more like home.
•They’ll enjoy their own cologne, deodorant, shampoo and toothpaste. These are usually provided, but the constancy of “what I’ve used for 60 years” feels good. (And besides, the roll-on deodorant that most nursing homes provide is rather gross and sticky, so I’ve been told!)
•Reading materials including magazines and newspapers, if the person is a reader.
•Spiritual materials such as daily devotionals, Bible, Rosary
•Pictures of family and loved ones. If there are memory impairments, help by labeling who is in the pictures.
I also asked for suggestions from my daughter, Lisa Manteufel, director of nursing at Fox River Nursing and Rehab.
Lisa reiterated: “It is helpful to keep things familiar, homey. Make their bed wonderful with a fluffy blanket, their own pillows and sheets.”
She agreed with Coyle about the deodorant: “Senior communities use unscented soaps and shampoos, so fragrant personal items are perfect.”
Her other thoughts:
•Razors wear out. Take Dad out to select a new one.
•Photo albums are ideal. When you visit, page through and share stories. Reminisce.
•Take Mom shopping at a dollar store.
•If you update clothes and bring some in, go through what they have and take the old ones out. Clutter can be overwhelming in a small environment.
•“And no more stuffed animals!”
I laughed when Lisa said that. I responded, “Bring me chocolate!”
Looking over these ideas, they are great for just about any senior.
—Jean Long Manteufel, senior move manager and CEO of Long’s Senior Transitions in Appleton, writes a column on the first Sunday of each month about life changes associated with aging. She can be reached at 920-734-3260 or Jean@TransitionsWithJean.com