Police Investigate Facebook Post Offering 4-Year-Old For Adoption

Police were called to the home of a Dubuque, Iowa family after a member posted on Facebook, “Does anyone know a family who would like to adopt a 4 year old girl?” (Photo: Stocksy)

A family in Dubuque, Iowa was investigated by police recently after a member of the clan — whose name has been withheld in the local news story — wrote a post on Facebook that offered up their 4-year-old for adoption.

“I need some help,” began her note, posted over the weekend to the private, 4,000-member DBQ Mamas group in Dubuque and re-published Monday on KWWL. “Does anyone know a family who would like to adopt a 4 year old girl. My parents adopted her but got new jobs and they have no time for her. I have 3 kids of my own and can not handle another. Serious inquiries only.“

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KWWL reports that Dubuque Police Lt. Scott Baxter said his department got “several calls” about the post and dispatched an officer to investigate. “We determined no criminal act had been committed and there was not sufficient probable cause to warrant an arrest or charge,” Baxter tells Yahoo Parenting. “The welfare of the 4-year-old was checked and determined satisfactory. To my knowledge, the 4-year-old remained with the adopted parents referenced by the person who made the post.” Baxter adds that the police department notified the Department of Human Services about the post on Facebook. “Obviously the post was not well thought out, as so many aren’t on social media,” he says.

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In a later post (removed by DBQ Mamas administrators, as was the original note, after law enforcement got involved), the woman appeared to backpedal. "Let me rephrase,” she wrote, according to KWWL, “I’m not selling a kid, it was to help find adoption ideas. So calling the police to receive suggestions was ridiculous. She’s safe and fine. So thank you for your help."

But upset about the incident has yet to die down in Dubuque — or in the larger adoption community.

Hundreds of commenters forwarded and posted notes in response to KWWL’s article about the incident on Facebook, where remarks ran the gamut from outrage to pity — for everyone involved. “Children are not objects you get then discard when you just don’t have the time,” fumed one commenter. “YOU BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT AND MAKE TIME.” Another commenter joined others urging critics to reserve their judgment. “While it’s extremely sad that someone is giving up a child maybe they are trying to give the child a better life, maybe that’s the absolute best thing that they can do.”

It’s not clear in this case whether or not re-homing — the process of moving an adopted child to another home — was at play. And it is something that’s “not common, thank goodness,” Adam Pertman, President of the National Center on Adoption and Permanency tells Yahoo Parenting. “But it does happen, and it usually happens because a parent doesn’t know what else to do. It’s not jettisoning a kid because they didn’t do their homework. It’s that something awful is happening and the parents don’t know where to turn. Typically it’s after they’ve tried everything and just want to help the child get parented properly.”

Pertman is quick to say that he doesn’t defend the behavior. “Adoption is not supposed to be child rental; If things don’t work out, you return the product,” says the Adoption Nation author. But he acknowledges that the ultimate goal should always be to provide what’s best for the child. “This is not the way to respond to crisis — posting on Facebook because you can — but people who are stressed and don’t know what to do make mistakes.”

Instead of simply vilifying the parents trying to re-home adopted kids, Pertman urges people to instead respond to stories like this with a focus on how we can provide whatever it is that families need to keep whole, whether it be legal support, social services help, or community assistance. “The message in nearly all of these cases is that we’re not doing enough to help families deal with their issues and succeed,” he says. “Most people think, ‘Oh look at those terrible parents,’ but we know from examples we have seen that they’re not terrible people, they’re people at their wits’ end and don’t know what to do to help their children.” And it’s something that we, as a country, need to figure out, says Pertman. “We’re talking about very big stakes: It’s a child’s life.”

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