ABC: A Brief Curated guide to LGBTQ2+ terminology to create safe and inclusive spaces

Jul 11, 2019

How we speak and interact with each other in daily conversations (and in conversations with customers) plays a big role in our perceptions of those dealings. We've put together this brief curated list, and although this is not a comprehensive list, we hope this can be a great resource for you. If there is a term that you think we should include, email us! We're happy to keep this list updated as our language and social understanding evolves -- and we encourage input from our community to help bridge gaps, and create healthier, happier communities.

We could fill an entire book with terms that aren’t included in this, but instead our goal is to provide some helpful tips and terminology to help you be inclusive and understanding in your language to create a safe space for your employees, customers, co-workers and anyone else you may come into contact with.

Quick Learning for Inclusive Language 

Remember, that language is just helping us better recognize who people already are. It helps us see people we had previously made invisible. But the definitions aren’t scary. They’re often so simple that people respond, “Oh, that. Yeah. I didn’t know there was a word for that.”

A new word or identity label isn’t the creation of a new experience. It’s simply naming, or putting language to a shared experience that might be as old as time.

Some patterns that help with communicating a shared understanding:   

  • Gender terms generally describe who you are (who you know yourself to be in light of the social construction of gender).
  • Gender terms often end in “-gender” (but there are many other potential suffixes).
  • Sexuality terms generally describe your relationship (or non-relationship) to others (who, how, how often, how many).
  • Sexuality terms often end in “-sexual” (but there are many other potential suffixes).

Say “everyone,” “folks,” “honoured guests,” etc., not “ladies, guys and gentlemen.” Moving away from binary language is more inclusive of people of all genders. For example, “Good morning everyone, next stop Grandin Station.”

Say “spouse,” not “girlfriend,” "boyfriend," "husband" and "wife." Remember that assumptions do not help in 9 out of 10 situations. For example, “Are you purchasing a gift for your spouse or significant other?”

Say “Mail clerk,” “Firefighter,” “Police officer,” etc., not “Mailman,” “Fireman,” “Policeman,” etc. People of all genders do these jobs. For example, “I actually saw a firefighter rescue a cat from a tree one time.”

Say “they,” not “it” when referring to someone (e.g., when pronouns are unknown). “It” is for referring to things, not people. For example, “You know, I am not sure how they identify.”


The (non-comprehensive) List of Terminology 

agender
adj. : a person with no (or very little) connection to the traditional system of gender, no personal alignment with the concepts of either man or woman, and/or someone who sees themselves as existing without gender. Sometimes called gender neutrois, gender neutral, or gender-less.

ally
/“al-lie”/ – noun : a (typically straight and/or cisgender) person who supports and respects members of the LGBTQ+ community. We consider people to be active allies who take meaningful actions to show this support and respect.

androgyny
/“an-jrah-jun-ee”/ (androgynous) – 1 noun : a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity; 2 adj. : occasionally used in place of “intersex” to describe a person with both female and male anatomy, generally in the form “androgyne.”

asexual
adj. : experiencing little or no sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in sexual relationships/behaviour. Asexuality exists on a continuum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex, to those who experience low levels, or sexual attraction only under specific conditions. Many of these different places on the continuum have their own identity labels (see demisexual). Sometimes abbreviated to “ace.” Asexuality is different from celibacy in that it is a sexual orientation where- as celibacy is an abstain- ing from a certain action.

bicurious
adj. : a curiosity toward experiencing attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to questioning).

bigender
adj. : a person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behaviour and identities, identifying with two genders (or sometimes identifying with either man or woman, as well as a third, different gender).

bisexual
1 noun & adj. : a person who experiences attraction to some men and women. 2 adj. : a person who experiences attraction to some people of their gender and another gender. Bisexual attraction does not have to be equally split, or indicate a level of interest that is the same across the genders an individual may be attracted to. Can be shortened to “bi” (pronounced “bye”). Often used interchangeably with “pansexual”.

cisgender
/“siss-jendur”/ – adj. : a gender description for when some- one’s sex assigned at birth and gender identity correspond in the expected way (e.g., someone who was assigned male at birth, and identifies as a man). A simple way to think about it is if a person is not transgender, they are cisgender. The word cisgender can also be shortened to “cis.”  the “cis” part of cisgender comes from the latin prefix that means “on the same side [as]” or “on this side [of].” Imagine a set of check- boxes for gender identity and sex assigned at birth. If you’re cisgender, you’d likely check both boxes on the same side.

cisnormativity
noun : the assumption, in individuals and in institutions, that everyone is cisgender, and that cisgender identities are superior to trans* identities and people. Leads to invisibility of non-cisgender identities.

cissexism
noun : behaviour that grants preferential treatment to cisgender people, reinforces the idea that being cisgender is somehow better or more “right” than being transgender, and/or makes other genders invisible.

closeted
adj. : an individual who is not open to themselves or others about their (queer) sexuality or gender identity. This may be by choice and/or for other reasons such as fear for one’s safety, peer or family rejection, or disapproval and/or loss of housing, job, etc. Also known as being “in the closet.” When someone chooses to break this silence they “come out” of the closet. (see coming out)
  
coming out
1 noun : the process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender identity (to “come out” to oneself). 2 verb : the process by which one shares one’s sexuality or gender identity with others. A popular misconception is that coming out happens once. Coming out is, however, a continuous, lifelong process. Everyday, one has to evaluate and reevaluate who they are comfortable coming out to, if it is safe, and what the consequences might be.

demiromantic
 adj. : little or no capacity to experience romantic attraction until a strong sexual connection is formed with someone, often within a sexual relationship.

demisexual
adj. : little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong romantic connection is formed with someone, often within a romantic relationship.


If you’re ever unsure of which part of speech for an identity term, go with adjective (particularly when ask- ing questions, or trying to learn more). Adjectives add to who someone is, modifying their personhood, while nouns sometimes replace their personhood altogether. For exam- ple, consider the difference between “my friend is blonde” and “my friend is a blonde.”  Here are a few more examples, using “transgender” as our identity term:
    • Adjective (encouraged): “She is transgender.” “Our services are available to transgender clients.”
    • Noun (avoid): “She is a transgender.” “Our services are available to transgenders.”
    • Verb (never): “She is transgendering.” (No she’s not. Use “transitioning” instead, if that’s what you mean, or “transgender") 

feminine-presenting; masculine-presenting
adj. : a way to describe someone who expresses gender in a more feminine/masculine way. Often confused with feminine-of-centre/masculine-of-centre, which generally include a focus on identity as well as expression.

fluid(ity)
adj. : generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight).

gay
1 adj. : experiencing attraction solely (or primarily) to some members of the same gender. Can be used to refer to men who are attracted to other men and women who are attracted to women. 2 adj. : sometimes used as an umbrella term used to refer to the queer community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who is not straight (see LGBTQ and queer)

gender binary
noun : the idea that there are only two genders and that every person is one of those two.

gender expression
noun : the external display of one’s gender, through a combination of clothing, grooming, demeanour, social behaviour,
and other factors, generally made sense of on scales of masculinity and femininity. Also referred to as “gender presentation.

gender fluid
adj. : a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more man some days, and more woman other days.

gender identity
noun : the internal perception of one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be. Often conflated with biological sex, or sex assigned at birth.

gender non-conforming
1 adj. : a gender expression descriptor that indicates a non-tradition- al gender presentation (masculine woman or feminine man). 2 adj. : a gender identity label that indicates a person who identifies outside of the gender binary. Often abbreviated as “GNC.”

gender normative / gender straight
adj. : someone whose gender presentation, whether by nature or by choice, aligns with society’s gender-based expectations.

heteronormativity
noun : the assumption, in individuals and/or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities: when learning a woman is married, asking her what her husband’s name is. Heteronormativity also leads us to assume that only masculine men and feminine women are straight.

heterosexism
noun : behaviour that grants preferential treatment to heterosexual people, reinforces the idea that heterosexuality is somehow better or more “right” than queerness, and/or makes other sexualities invisible.

heterosexual / straight
adj. : experiencing attraction solely (or primarily) to some members of a different gender.

homophobia
noun : an umbrella term for a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have toward LGBTQ+ people. The term can also connote a fear, disgust, or dislike of being perceived as LGBTQ+. homophobic – adj. : a word used to describe actions, behaviours, or individuals who demonstrate elements of this range of negative attitudes toward LGBTQ+ people.

intersex
adj. : term for a combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals that differs from the two expected patterns of male or female. Formerly known as hermaphrodite (or hermaphroditic), but these terms are now outdated and derogatory.

lesbian
noun & adj. : women who are primarily attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to other women.


Remember, these definitions are imperfect, so a lot of people (both in-group and out) are likely using these words to mean different things (slightly to severely). Identity is a personal thing, so if you really want to understand someone, you need to get to know them (not just their labels)


LGBTQ; GSM; DSG; TGNC
abbr. : shorthand or umbrella terms for all folks who have a non-normative (or queer) gender or sexuality, there are many different initialisms people prefer. LGBTQ is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Queer and/or Questioning (sometimes people at a + at the end in an effort to be more inclusive); GSM is Gender and Sexual Minorities; DSG is Diverse Sexualities and Genders; TGNC is Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming (sometimes you’ll see “NB” added for non- binary). Other options include the initialisms GLBT, LGBT, or TLBG, or the acronym QUILTBAG (Queer [or Questioning] Undecided Intersex Lesbian Trans* Bisexual Asexual [or Allied] and Gay [or Genderqueer]).

Mx.
/ “mix” or “schwa” / - noun : an honorific (e.g. Mr., Ms., Mrs., etc.) that is gender neutral. It is often the option of choice for folks who do not identify within the gender binary: "Mx. Smith is a great teacher."

nonbinary
adj. : a gender identity label used by some people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman. Alternatively spelled “non-binary.” Often abbreviated as “enby” or “enbie” (based on the pronunciation of N-B). (see genderqueer)

pansexual
adj. : a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiri- tual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions. Often shortened to “pan.”

PGPs
abbr. : preferred gender pronouns. Often used during introductions, becoming more common as a standard practice. Many suggest removing the “preferred,” because it indicates flexibility and/or the power for the speaker to decide which pronouns to use for someone else.

polyamory / polyamorous
noun : refers to the practice of, desire for, or orientation to- ward having ethical, honest, and consensual non-monogamous relationships (i.e. relationships that may include multiple partners). Often shortened to “poly.”

queer
1 adj. : an umbrella term to describe individuals who don’t identify as straight and/or cisgender. 2 noun : a slur used to refer to someone who isn’t straight and/ or cisgender. The term “queer” can often be use interchangeably with LGBTQ (e.g., “queer people” instead of “LGBTQ people”).

QPOC / QTPOC
abbr. : initialisms that stand for queer people of colour and queer and/or trans people of colour.

sexual orientation
noun : the type of sexual, romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one has the capacity to feel for some others, generally labeled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to. Often confused with sexual preference.


The Platinum Rule, contrasted against the Golden Rule, is “do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” Treat people how they want to be treated — not how you want to be treated. When it comes to identifying language, this distinction can’t be more important.

If someone in your life uses a term to describe themselves in a way that clashes with one of the definitions here, or “best practices” you’ve learned, the best thing you can do is honour that usage for that person. At least if you want to treat them with respect, dignity, and kindness.

Generally speaking, mirroring language — that is, using the language you hear someone use to describe themselves or their life — is always better than vocab checking someone. For example:
    • If someone calls someone in their life their “girlfriend,” follow suit. If they call them “partner,” ditto.
    • If you meet a woman who’s into women, and doesn’t use the label “lesbian,” instead calling herself “gay,” then she’s gay. If she says she’s “queer,” then she’s queer.

third gender
noun : for a person who does not identify with either man or woman, but identifies with another gender. This gender category is used by societies that recognize three or more genders, both contemporary and historic, and is also a conceptual term meaning different things to different people who use it, as a way to move beyond the gender binary.

trans*
adj. : an umbrella term covering a range of identities that transgress socially-defined gender norms. Trans with an asterisk is often used in written forms (not spoken) to indicate that you are referring to the larger group nature of the term, and specifically including non-binary identities, as well as transgender men (transmen) and transgender women (transwomen).

transgender
1 adj. : a gender description for someone who has transitioned (or is transitioning) from living as one gender to another. 2 adj. : an umbrella term for any- one whose sex assigned at birth and gender identity do not correspond in the expected way (e.g., someone who was assigned male at birth, but does not identify as a man). Transgender people can be straight, gay, bisexual, queer, asexual, pansexual, or any other sexual orientation. Remember: this is a gender label, not a sexuality label.

transition / transitioning
noun, verb : referring to the process of a transgender person changing aspects of themself (e.g., their appearance, name, pronouns, or making physical changes to their body) to be more congruent with the gender they know themself to be (as opposed to the gender they lived as pre-transitioning).

transphobia
noun : the fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of trans* people, the trans* community, or gender ambiguity. Transphobia can be seen within the queer community, as well as in general society. Transphobic – adj. : a word used to describe an individual who harbours some elements of this range of negative attitudes, thoughts, intents, towards trans* people.

two-spirit
noun : is an umbrella term traditionally within Indigenous communities to recognize individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both feminine and masculine genders. Sometimes referred to as "2 Spirit" or "2S"

ze / zir
/ “zee”, “zerr” or “zeer”/ – alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some trans* people. They replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively. Alternatively some people who are not comfortable/do not embrace he/she use the plural pronoun “they/their” as a gender neutral singular pronoun.

In Conclusion

Every word is made up. Some of them were made up a thousand years ago, and some just yesterday. But the vintage on a word isn’t what determines whether or not it’s worth learning, using, spreading. “Credit card” is only about 70 years old. “Doubloon” is over 500. Which is more useful today?

The language of gender and sexuality is emergent, and much of it is brand new, but the experiences the language defines — the non-conformity, nuances, ebbs and flows, frictions and pain points, being “othered” — are anything but new.

Across cultures, across time, across individual people, there has never been “only two genders,” nor has “heterosexuality” been the only sexuality (that term wasn’t even defined until about a 100 years ago, and it meant an “abnormal or perverted appetite toward the opposite sex” (Read the BBC’s “Invention of ‘Heterosexuality”’).

After reading through these definitions, we wanted to leave you with a few more things to think about as you strive to use inclusive language in your business, home or in public:

  • Say “intersex,” not “hermaphrodite.” Hermaphrodite is a stigmatizing, inaccurate word with a negative medical history. For example, “What are the best practices for the medical care of intersex infants?”
  • Say “gay,” not “homosexual.” Even better, say "queer" or "LGBTQ." “Homosexual” often connotes a medical diagnosis, or a discomfort with gay/lesbian people. For example, “We want to do a better job of being inclusive of our LGBTQ employees.”
  • Say “assigned female at birth,” not “born female” or “female-bodied” (or “assigned male at birth,” not “born male” or “male-bodied”). “Assigned” language accurately depicts the situation of what happens at birth. “-Bodied” language is often interpreted as pressure to medically transition, or in-validation of one’s gender identity. For example, “Max was assigned female at birth, then he transitioned in high school.”
  • Say “a transgender person” or “a gay person,” not “a transgender” or “a gay.” Gay and transgender are adjectives that describe a person/group. For example, “We had a transgender athlete in our league this year. “
  • Say “transgender people and cisgender people,” not “transgender people and normal people.” Saying “normal” implies “abnormal,” which is a stigmatizing way to refer to a person. For example, “This group is open to both transgender and cisgender people.”
  • Say “all genders,” not “both genders” or “opposite sexes.” “Both” implies there are only two; “opposite” reinforces antagonism amongst genders. For example, “Video games aren’t just a boy thing -- kids of all genders play them.”
        
The Alberta LGBTQ+ Chamber of Commerce: Supporting Gender & Sexually Diverse Communities

Many people have begun to use inclusive language in their day-to-day.  Perfection is not the goal, but learning is. If you want to continue learning, network with other like-minded people in the LGBTQ2+ community and you want to grow your business, join our mailing listlearn more about membership or sign up as a member today! We would love to welcome you. 


We would like to thank and acknowledge The Safe Zone Project and It's Pronounced Metrosexual for the uncopyrighted use of their content to help create safe, inclusive communities. 

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